My mom had a radical neck dissection in January of 2002. Since she was diagnosed, I have gone through so many emotions I never knew I had. I ask myself every day "why my mom", "what has she ever done to anyone"? I try to be stong for her, but lately I feel like I cannot. I have been crying non-stop (not around her though). I would like to hear from someone who has been through this as a cancer patient & as a family member of a cancer patient. I need to know the best way to treat this. I don't want to smother her, but I don't want to back off either. I am so confused.

Been there, done that, my husband has had radical neck resection on both sides, two surgerys, to add to it all, was a radical misdiagnosis, or just pure neglect.........I really understand your emotions, from day to day, it`s a mystery what I`m going to be.........last night and this morning, I cried non-stop.....I go between anger, rage, and pure pain.........we suffer for those we love, and that`s o.k.............That`s what makes us human, but remember, take care of you because, right now you are very important to your Mom, if I can help, I`m always Here

Veronica, my mom, too, went through several surgeries in a fight with another type of cancer. Through it all, she later told me, it was touch that was most comforting -- a hand on her shoulder, combing her hair, etc. I felt I needed to be strong for her, but counted on friends who let me vent when need be. You can vent here, among friends, so please take advantage of us. Even if it at sometimes seems that there is nothing you can do, remember that your presence is a gift greater than you can imagine. Know you are not alone.

Joanna

HI everyone....I guess there's so many of us in the same boat. My mom also was diagnosed almost a year ago. She has had radiation, chemo, a radical neck dissection, then another neck dissection tracheostomy, feeding tube, undegtone hyperbaric oxygen therapy, and recently 3 blood transfusions. Now the doctors want a chest CT (tomorrow) ..She has become weaker and weaker on a daily basis, even though the surgeon said all the tissue he removed was cancer-free. She has difficulty walking and requires a walker to move, on the RARE occasion she has the energy to do so. She is 52 and it almost seems like she's 100.....no energy, and so much depression! Like everyone else, I try to be positive and smile when we are together. I visit her daily, and sometimes sit quietly and just hold her hand. But with each day, I find it harder to watch....she is such a wonderful person, not a selfish bone in her body. It is killing me seeing her suffer so terribly. Sometimes I just want to scream!!!!!! Other days, I know that she is extremely tough, and am hopeful for a positive outcome. It helps knowing others can relate, but I'm sorry that anyone has to know this pain!

Hi again, just wanted to say thank you for the kind words that were sent my way. I did not realize there were so many who would care. I am so thankful to have found this site. Everyday is a challenge to all of us, but knowing that you are not alone is wonderful news. I told my mom about this site & suggested that she become a member so she can talk with others who know exactly what she is going through. I hope she will. She had a new feeding tube put in today so hopefully that will get her on the right track to feeling better. We'll see, only time will tell. Again, thank you so much, you have made my day.

Hi!
Just wanted to say I have had the same feelings. My father was diagnosed with tongue cancer 1/02 & has had tongue surgery, neck surgery, & is currently receiving radiation treatments. I believe he has 2 weeks left. So far his attitude is amazingly positive. He is 69 years old & still working after he gets back from his treatment. He started using the feeding tube last week. The hardest thing for me to accept is that he had a lot of dental work within the year or so prior to his diagnosis. Yet he was the one that had to point it out to his doctor. Also, why him when for the last 30 years he has taken such good care of himself-non-smoker, non-drinker etc. He ran 4 miles several times weekly. I've cried a lot and have had a lot of anger too but have really not expressed it to him. The last month I have been coping much better. I guess trying to take it one day at a time. He is very appreciative of all the info from this site that I have given to him. It has been so valuable to me & has helped me cope. Thanks, Jayne

To all. Your support is so needed by the cancer patient and your emotions are normal. Having been the patient, I know what strength I received from my husband. It has been a year and a half since my surgery and we both still get emotional at times. One thing that helped my husband was going to a cancer support group for relatives of cancer patients. Keep your chins up and take care. Anne.

Anne - Thank you for replying. I will look into support groups in my community. My mom is almost done with radiation, 8 more treatments to go. I hope she will improve after that is done. She has been very depressed these past 2 weeks. She'll go for another biopsy after treatment to see what needs to be done from there (hopefully nothing!). It's amazing how something like cancer can bring you to your senses. I used to fight all the time with my mom about stupid things, now I can't ever find the strength to get upset with her. I just love her so much! It is so nice to have a place to come to, to talk to people & families of people who have been through what she is going through. Until January, I never knew what this type of cancer was & how it was treated. Now, I feel, I know a lot more than I want to. I am always positive when I am around my mom, no matter how hard it is for me. I want her to be as strong as she can because I know she can fight this. If we had given up on her, I don't think she would have made it this far. I seem to be rambling on in 100 directions, that is the way my head is working these days though. Take care & keep in touch - Veronica

Veronica,
As a cancer patient, I can tell you that I went through alot of the same feelings that you described. I cried, then wanted to be by myself and have a little pity party alone. When i worked out of that I decided to get better. I think it is a normal thing to go through all of the stages of anger, denial etc. Telling your Mom that you love her and touching her is important. My kids tried to deny that I was sick. Only my husband understood. I found many people who would not look me in the eyes. It hurt, but I do understand. Things 5 months after treatment are alot better. Keeping focused and
keeping God first is what kept me going. Remember we love you and will pray for you and your Mom.

i wonder at times how all of you are so strong.i went back to ent
on jan 14th and he found a nodular apperance on my vocal cord the same one.So now has move up my pet by a month.So now am relyy scared.So afraid it will move some where else.Had a chest exray in dec it looked good.i have to stop smoking but always some excuse.well thanks for all of you.