First off, I wanted to say, I love how positive everyone is here! It serves for a lot of hope for people, and I can see that in each post.

I just wanted to say, is that I know you aren't doctors, but you are more experienced than my mom on this subject.

My boyfriend seems to think he has oral cancer. We've been doing research on-line together, and read a lot of the subjects in this forum, and there are things that indicate he does, but then, there are some that don't.

Here are his symptoms:
-Left cheek goes numb every once in a while. (I can explains this because in September he got his left ear pierced and for a while he thought he was having a stroke cuz his cheek went completely numb, until he took it out, and will now periodically go numb) and his left lymph node in front of his ear was swollen, and not painful, since he took his earring out, and is finally starting to go down.
-He says that at the back of his tongue, at the sides/on his tonsils, it feels like something is biting him sometimes (This scared him because the word "cancer" means crab in a different language. Which scared him more.)
-Underneath his tongue hurts when he uses listerine

His signs:
-He has a red spot, which has been there since about mid of October, but it's small, like the size of the diameter of a piece of yarn (That's kinda small, I think.)
-His tonsils look a lot smaller than they used to
-His uvula hangs more to the left than the right (Which doesn't make sense because the numbness is on the left, and the uvula is known to point away from the cancerous cells.)
-On the sides of his tongue, at the back is a big red bump, which the doctor said is normal.
-It looks like underneath his tongue has gills. And that is where it hurts when he uses listerine. Lol. I don't know how else to explain it. Like at the sides.
-His neck, like underneath the chin, looks and feels a little swollen at the sides, I don't think they're lymph nodes, just because there are two and there are in symmetrical areas.


He is afraid that if it is cancer, that it was probably caused by the HPV virus, as he is only 18, like me. He won't even have sex with me anymore, he is so scared to pass it on to me. Which if that was the case, I would already have it, and have not yet had a pap smear, but am working on it. (My doctor said I don't need it because I just had one in June, thanks doc, but no help). He won't even kiss me, except on the cheek or the forehead. We've been going out for 2 years, but we broke up in september, and he had sex with another girl, and we got back together end of october, and he says that is when he probably contracted HPV.

So I was wondering, For those caregivers, and the patients, and survivors out there, what were the first signs/symptoms you noticed that made you go to your doctor?

He's gone to the health nurse and the doctor at our college multiple times, (at least once a week from mid oct. the first sign of the lymph node-dec 15) about it, but he just says it's cankers from stress. But canker sores go away, and he completely ignores every other sign/symptom. So he prescribed Minocin, which is a skin antibiotic, but it just made it worse. So my bf went to his MD, 3 times since, and she just said they were canker sores/normal and to gargle salt water, and after he went back for the second time, prescribed him Biaxin, a really expensive, and really good antibiotic, which made it worse as well, and when he went back for the third time, she was running 50 minutes late and said he'd be fine, and completely rushed him, and couldn't tell her everything. There have been no tests or anything done. Not even a swab to see if it was strep throat or something.

He is having anxiety problems because of it, his school grades will go down, he keeps stressing about it. And sure, I want him to find a cure for whatever it is, but I don't think it is cancer, but you never know.

Right now, he just needs some clarification, and direction. He can't just call up an ENT, and say, "Hey! Take a look at my mouth and gimme an MRI!" So he has no idea what to do, and the doctors keep telling him it's nothing.

Anyway, I hate to sound like a worry wart, but he worries bout it too much, so much that I don't feel that intimate with him anymore, and he's always tense, and I don't even know what to do myself. It's ruining our relationship. That sounds kind of dramatic, but I don' know how much more of his anxiety I can stand.

Anyway, again, I know you aren't doctors, but you're more experienced than my mom, and we don't know who else to go to.

Thank you!

El,

I think it would be best to make an appt with a qualified ENT and make a list of questions to ask him in advanvce of the appt.

Amen, David....
Don't count your chickens, before they hatch!
It ain't cancer until a highly trained pathologist determines, on a cellular level, "It's Cancer".
Relax, life is to short to worry....
Darrell

GEtting your questions answered and your nerves calmed is as simple as getting to a good ENT who is qualified to diagnose for Head and Neck cancer. And if you,as the female partner in this relationship are really worried about the HPV virus, insist on getting tested again, for your own peace of mind. My grandmotherly adv8ice is to "Quit stewing and get going". Amy

The message this forum is trying to make is 'Early Detection Saves Lives'. Take that to heart. Your friend is experiencing symptoms, be it cancer or not. Get to the best ENT at the best CCC you can find and let us all hope it is something else. But do NOT ignore the symptoms just because he does not fit the profile. Since you are in Canada, I think getting an appointment may take longer so it is all the more important that he gets an appointment NOW.

Here's hoping it is nothing but let's find out.

Take care,
Eileen

Amen Amen

Please help/have your BF heed the above advice, that way you'll know for sure what to do.

Tim

Thanks everyone! But I think you need a doctors referral to an ENT, and every doctor my b/f has talked to just seems to not care about any of the symptoms. To me, they sound serious, it's not like strep throat or anything, but still, it doesn't seem right.

And I'm not worried that much about the HPV virus in me, but still, my doctor refused to give me a pap smear, which I don't think was very.. Professional of her, but still, I'll go to our health nurse at the school.

Thanks everyone!

Tell your boyfriend to get to the ENT NOW! The experienced people on this site know what they are talking about. My son had a sore under his tongue which he ignored. He thought it was from biting his tongue. It kept getting worse but he was out of a job with no health or dental insurance so he continued to ignore it until it got so bad he went to the dentist who referred him to an oral surgeon who did a biopsy and found a Stage 2 cancer. He had surgery and radiation treatments which is no pic-nic for everyone concerned. There are more and more young people being diagnosed with this type of HPV cancer especially if they are sexually active. PLEASE get your BF to a qualified ENT!

Hi,

I wanted to share my husband

Elephant shoes, were are you in Ontario? I'm a Canadian as well, and an oral cancer survivor. There are some of the best cancer centers in the world in our country, several in the Province of Ontario. If you can't get a Doctor to refer you to an ENT, go to the ENT directly. If that fails, talk to the patient advocate at the cancer center closest to you. I'm more than happy to make suggestions on specific locations, etc. if you'd like them. Drop me a PM
much luck
Wayne

We're from a small town called "Lanark" but we go to a college in Belleville. There are probably some ENT's in Belleville we can contact. I don't know what we're gonna do if he does have it..

My boyfriend said that the sore under his tongue doesn't hurt at all, and he doesn't think it has been getting any bigger. But it also hasn't been going away. And he asked his dentist to take a look at it, and didn't even care. Everyone says it is just a canker sore, but it doesn't hurt and it doesn't go away. It's just there. I think if the doctor doesn't refer him to an ENT, I'm gonna like.. Scream at him..

My boyfriend is considering finding a new family doctor, just to get a referral to an ENT. See, it's hard to go to his own doctor because we live 2 hours away when we go to college. And all the doctor at the college does is provide pa smears, and prescribe birth control pills and antibiotics.

But yeah, thanks everyone for everything! I appreciate the advice, and I'm sure my bf does too!

El,

I hope the following will help you and your BF get a better understanding of some of the things you mentioned.

Canker sores (apthous ulcers) typically go away in 10 days to 2 weeks. Anyone that has had one will say that they DO hurt. In your first post you mention a small red spot, but you don't say where that spot is. Is it the one under his tongue? Apthous ulcers are usually white with a red border. Apthous ulcers are usually more common during times of stress when the resistance is low. They are caused by viruses that are always present and come out during stress or before or after having a cold.

The bump on the back of his tonue is probably a papilla and if so, it is normal. There are many of them on the back of the tongue. The way you describe the problems around his ear in October could very well have been an infection caused by the piercing. It's good that he took it out.

You don't specifically mention how long the sore under your boyfriend's tongue has been there. If it is more than 2 weeks and it is in the same spot, it is probably not a canker sore.

You've gotten some good advice here and don't give up until he gets to see an ENT.

Good luck and please let us know how he makes out.

Jerry

Thanks everyone!

Jerry, the small red spot is under the tongue, like not on the botom of the tongue, but the floor of the mouth-type thing, and it's red. And it has been there since Octoberish, but it hasn't gotten any larger, or any smaller.

And the bump at the back (papilla) is bigger than the rest, and it's more on the side of the tongue, at the back. Right beside his teeth. And he said that that is what feels like something is biting him, around that area.

Thanks Jerry, and everyone, this has relieved some stress for now!

Well, everything you say makes it more and more important that your BF get things checked out ASAP.

If the bump on the tongue is on the side (lateral border) as opposed to the top (dorsal surface) then it probably is not a papilla.

Again, the sore on the floor of the mouth, being there since October, also needs to be checked.

It is mind blowing that you guys cannot find the right Doctor to get a thorough exam.

Your persistance will pay off and don't give up until he is checked. I wish I knew how the medical system worked in Canada. We have many members there and I hope that someone can give you some advice in this area.

Jerry

Sorry, this is so exciting! I don't know why but oh well, we called up an ENT today, and we told them the situation, and how his family doctor lives 2 hours away, and they were like "We usually don't accept patients unless they have no fmaily doctor or they're too far away" unless there is a referral. And the girl was nice about it, and everything, she talked to him about his classes and everything. He's excited. He has an appointment on Monday, at 10:45. So we'll see. Thanks everyone!

(We're only excited because we didn't expect to get anywhere in our search for ENTs.)

That's great that you didn't give up.

Good luck on Monday. Hoping for a good report.

Jerry

El, I glad that you got something happening. Let us know how the Doctors appointment goes. Good luck!
Wayne

Ok, so, my boyfriend went in yesterday to the ENT, and everything is apparently fine. The big lump isn't a tumor (he didn't do a biopsy or anything, just said it wasn't). I'm not sure if we believe him or not. I don't think either of us will be satisfied until a biopsy is done. He just poked at it. And the lump under his tongue, the ENT said that was normal too, it's just a salivary gland, and he didn't even seem to care about the pain. He checked how his ears we working and they were fine, and the doctor poked the sides of his neck, and he asked where it hurt, and when he pressed under his chin, like where salivary glands are, it hurt. And the ENT basically sent him off, without even telling him why it was hurting. The biopsy we were hoping to be performed never happened. Should we try to find another ENT, or just leave it and forget about it basically? No doctor seems to care, and it doesn't provide much hope for us.. But then, there are people out there thast need a lot of hope. Thanks!

Hi everyone. I have been a member for a while, but am a self admitted "lurker". My husband (now ex-husband) had tonsil cancer. He was treated with radiation and chemo at slaoanekettering, in NYC. He went through some emotional stuff afterwards and ended up leaving us a little over a year ago and went back to his country (chile, sa) He had been having all good check ups up til the point he left.
He emailed me today saying he has a sore in his mouth and it burns, he thinks its from the radiation (which was finished in July/03) He says he is putting some kind of "honey" on it, and it seems to be helping it. He also says he hopes to have an appointment with an "internist" there sometime in Feb. I am freaking, we have two children together (altho grown) Does anyone know what some symptoms of relapses might be? If he had a cancerous lesion in his mouth, would it burn? I am not sure if he is saying it burns or if its "like a burn" as far as appearance.
He was "staged" at late stage 3 or early stage 4, mostly due to the size of the tumor and it had gone to his soft palate.
Does anyone know if there is cancer center in Chile?
Where has Rosie gone? I havent seen her here in so long. Hopefully she is living a good full and happy life. (I am talking about the one who lost her daughter at a very young age)
I see so many new names on here and not a lot of the "familiar" ones that I used to see (been a while since i have even lurked)
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, I welcome them.
Thanks for listening
Therese

Theresa, I am sorry to hear your loved one (ex- or not, you obviously still care a great deal for him) is having troubles so far away. I know you must feel helpless in the face of this new symptom. I wonder why he told you about it, he must also care. It sounds as though, on top of needing to get to a cancer center, he might need some counseling for PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder is not JUST for veterans of foreign war. It also affects anyone (patient, caregiver, etc.,) who has faced a horrifying life-changing event and has gone through, but not necessarily BEYOND it. I would imagine quite a few of us could identify with the symptoms...
Symptoms of PTSD can include:
Flashbacks
Intrusive emotions and memories
Nightmares and night terrors
Avoiding emotions
Avoiding relationships
Avoiding responsibility for others
Avoiding situations that are reminiscent of the traumatic event
Exaggerated startle reaction
Explosive outbursts
Extreme vigilance
Irritability
Panic symptoms
Sleep disturbance
The important thing for you to know, is that you are not responsible for any of these things, the problem lies outside of yourself!!! You can control how YOU react to them, but not how HE reacts to them..
I hope you find an answer to your question about cancer centers in SA, but more important, I hope you find your way through and beyond your current heartache.

Andrea

Andrea,
How kind and caring of you to concern yourself with my problems when yours seem so huge in comparison.
I thank you for responding and all you said, I needed to hear it and am glad I did.
I have no idea how he feels really, except he says he went there to find peace, but he says he is still unhappy. I think you hit it when you said he is suffering from ptsd.
I care for him, he is the father of my children, and he has been in my life, for more than half my life, but as a mate, no, I am finished. I will do all I can to help his as a person in need though (as I always have)
I hope everything is OK with you as well. Sounds like you have been through the wringer too, I hope you have a good support system at home(other than this great board) and have lots of success with getting and staying well.
I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
Therese