Liz, great line. I love it!!

Just be there for him when he needs you and learn to step back when he doesnt.

The care givers creed?

For the caregiver, stepping back is really hard when you know something is not going "quite right". A good [compliant- non verbal] patient can sometimes get in big trouble very quickly. I would encourage the garegiver to be very proavtive during radiation therapy. Amy in the Ozarks

Amy,
I plan to stay VERY involved from this point forward. Thanks.
Cat

CAT, GOOD FOR YOU!and don't forget to keep asking questions! Amy in the Ozarks

Amy in the Ozarks, (I love that)
I think the oncologist will be running the other way when I'm in her office, but I don't care. I've asked some tough questions and she said she would get the answers. Heck, it feels like you don't know what's coming until it falls on you; then you ask why? Shoot, why couldn't we have been more prepared from the get-go? You can knock me down once, but not twice. Now I feel empowered!
Cat Woman

Cat, I was known in John's Oncoligist's office as "the lady with the list of questions". Each time we went to see him, he came in and ask me for my list and then ask John how he was doing. {This was over a 2 yr. period]. My thinking was that if I did not ask, I would not be prepared for the next phase, nor would the Doc know how John was really doing because John "glossed over lots of realities on the home front".[and because I was responsible for a family owned business and children, I needed to be as organized as possible]. There are many caregivers here who will tell you that the more you ask, the better you can deal with it. You both are going to have some things to deal with during radiation and it is better not to be taken by surprise [in my estimation] Hopefully, you all will get through this fairly easily as some do. Just know that you have good support here when you need it. Amy in the Ozarks

Cat when Rob was in the hospital on one occasion,
we were visited by a chaplain doing her rounds.She sat on the end of Robs bed and started asking him questions,which i answered,a habit i got in to over a period of time because he NEVER actually told anyone about how he really was doing,and as tx went on he couldn't because he could barely speak.
She glared at me and looked at Robin and said "does she always speak for you?can't you speak for yourself?"
At which point Robin shook his head,and just about manged to growl "ask her" which she did and boy did i tell her!!
Rob never ever said anything when asked how he felt except "yeh i'm ok"which he very rarely was,and i used to jump straight in and tell the doctors exactly what was happening at home and how he really was.
I never left the hospital until i had the answers to all my questions,and the solution to all the problems he was dealing with,and his "ask her" reply became a standing joke among his team.
Sometimes he was just to ill to cope with Doctors probing, sometimes he was too exhausted from the tx and mostly he just really didnt want to know,but he realised that one of us had to be empowered and was happy to let me deal with all that.
If its what you need to do cat then you go for it.

love liz

Good going, Cat! As a Caregiver to my son, I found that it really helped me to be able to do something - anything, to feel somewhat in control. I had to explain this to my son at times when he was feeling down about everything he could not do and when it was necessary for me to do the things he had always done for himself previously. Everyone needs to feel some control and so, I would try to give him choices so he could still be the "decider", like "Do you want yogurt or a milkshake?" or "Do you want to drive to the hospital or should I?" We developed a sign language: two or three choices would be holding up 2 or 3 fingers. Yes was thunbs up, no - thumbs down, or a shrug of the shoulders, etc. It gets really rough for a while, especially three weeks post end of treatment but it does get better.

Cat,

You better believe that knowledge is POWER! A good doctor will be happy to answer your questions even if it makes him squirm a little. They are very used to patients taking what they say as gospel and no one challenging them.

Bill's RO's nurse ask me if I was a nurse just because I asked questions using medical terms. I told her no, that I had done my research and needed answers...don't most people??? She said no, they don't... they just go with what the doc offers....yikes! I ask her, while this doc was out of the room, if she thought he was put off by someone that asks informed questions...she said no, that he enjoyed the challenge and the brief respite from the normal stuff. I am not so sure that is true but I was glad to hear it!

Cat, you live and learn from all of this and hopefully become stronger and more of an advocate for your hubby! Bill tells me almost daily, how appreciative he is that I have pushed for the best care possible for him. After the first few days of overwhelm when we got this diagnosis, I realized "If it's to be, it's up to me!" Deb

Liz,

OMG, Liz, that is exactly what I am dealing with here. Bill is too stoic...docs will ask him how he is doing...he says "fine." MAKES ME CRAZY! I have tried to explain to him that their questions are not "small talk," that they are assessing his status and need INFO! So, I just jump in and start talking. I sometimes feel their brusseling (sp??) beneath the surface but I don't care....someone needs to answer their queries with in-depth answers so Bill can get the care he needs. Truth be known, it is also a result of my control issues...but in this arena...someone needs to be in control!

Deb