Hello and a big hug to all those who I hope will accept me as a part of this group that I have read so much withen. Its been seven long years since my "fight" against cancer began and though it seems that though I got the edge over it - it left behind scars that I will never ever be able to get over.
My cancer was diagnosed in April, 2000 - not even five days from returning on a business trip to Mexico. My friend , who was also the doctor to figure out I had something growing down there did the biopsy and the results came around - Cancer malignant - stage 4. Option? Removal of voice box. I did not take the diagnosis too seriously as I being a workalcholic did not have the time to worry about small things like cancer. I was wrong and from the guy who would work almost 18 hours a day x 365 have resigned myself to sitting in front of the computer to earn my livelihood and also to mantain my mother, wife and two sons. The Cancer struck so badly that the doctors gave up on me a number of times but I have no idea why or how I kept bouncing back.
I would like to make a point at this stage - that every word I have put down here is the truth and nothing but the truth so help..... Its the tale of my roller coaster ride with friend Cancer - where we went up and down, in circles, in pain and in agony - but never angry. I have never ever questioned as to why did the cancer strike me and not the others who indulged in the same habits (smoking and voice abuse)as I did. I know it may sound ridiculous but it was a fact - I just accepted it as a part of my life.After seven years of living with the aftermath of the war, I came to realise a lot of things and saw things from a very different prespective. Cancer had done his job and though I won the battle - he won the war. My life has been totally turned over from the out going , well to do executive to as I mentioned sitting in front of the computer and earning my living.
I have been though umpteem surgeries, have lost count of the injections, the radiation, the chemo and funnily enough something that was not even related to the cancer but was the worst experience of my life - Peritonites. My doctors cannot understand how I managed to survive through the complete ordeal as everytime I was given up as a goner, I would bounce back. This made me a case study and it would not be wrong to say, I get very special treatment when I visit my doctors - which of late I have decided not to- under any circumstances.
The scars that Cancer left behind were heart breaking but assurances kept me going till I realised I would have to live with them for the rest of my life - a tracheostomy and no food or air passage . Seven years have passed since I even sipped a drop of water or had a bit of my favorite meal. Everything is now liquid and has to be sent directly into my stomach though the peg tube.
I completely rejected any ideas of the removal of my voice box and made it very very clear that I would rather kick the bucket then loose my voice box. The doctors had no choice but to proceed with my directions and my voice box is still very much around - I have created my own voice, which I call "the Orator" and use it along with my stoma button. My speech is totally clear and people do get surprised when they hear about my NOT having a voice. I do socialize a bit now and then - it used to be a little uncomfortable not just for the others but to me too when everyone would order the drinks, snacks etc. and all knew that I could not do so. I have reached the stage where I can go anywhere without the desire to eat or drink and alsways carry my energy drinks when out. I drive as normally as anyone else (the good drivers!)and ride a superbike - the love of my life -my 1000 cc - Hayabusa. My doctors think I am crazy to do these things but then they also encourage it as they are trying to understand how my body could take such a beating and I am still able to do things which a lot of "normal" people cannot. I, with the hole in my throat, still run 4/6 kilometres every morning - come rain or sun and then some very serious workout at the gym for an hour. Most people at the gym too have no idea of my cancer and my trainer keeps it that way as he does not want any publicity keeping in view the amount of the same I received in newspapers, televisions etc. The idea behind being totally fit is not to build up those bulging musles but to remain fit in the event I have to go through any surgeries in the future.
I was 41 when I contracted the cancer and had just been promoted to be the VP - Sales - Indian subcontinent of one of the best Companies in the world and I loved my job and treated it more then just a job - it was my life. Today I am turning 49 and so that means I really lived for just 40 years. 40 years of such a full life that every moment was filled with what are now just memories. Noone can even imagine that a 40 year old can live the life I led and say that there is nothing that I have not done that I did not want to. My life has been special and as my mother puts it - the life that I have led in the 40 years - there are very few who could lead the same in just 40 years. Most would need more then ten reincarnations to even come close to my majical life. Even today - I live the magic and one thing which I have always done with life - live life Kingsize and on my terms and not what anyone else thought of it. I am the master of my own life and am glad I still continue to be that way. I may sound like a braggart and very egoisitc but as I said everything I have penned is true and its upto you - the reader to believe it or not.
I end this introduction here and will be back later to take you all on the roller coaster that Cancer and I moved on and the fallouts of the same. Some of you may have already troden the path - others have not and are scared. I feel its upto us to show our strength and will to survive to get rid of the words
"Fear" and "Scared" out of our lives.
With warm regards from India.
