after the chemo doctor lied to me about whether living with someone going through chemo or radiation could affect family members in one way or another and he said no, it won't affect anyone else. I'm feeling deceived. I'm kind of a health nut and so mindful because of my allergies to chemicals (i use no cleaning stuff or anything like that because of my allergic reactions).

after first chemo, husband said, there were signs saying no one could use the bathrooms that chemo patients use so I did a little reading. while i don't want to be crazy, i know how sensitive my body is and how sick I was for 12 yrs due to chemicals (plus my years in dentistry) so I'm not taking any chances.

this time, he feels pretty good so he's running around the house without regard to flushing the toilet, washing out the sink after he brushes his teeth, etc. remember he is a narcissist without this so of course, he thinks I"m ridiculous to ask him to use the other bathroom, to flush, to wash out the washing machine or run it a couple of times.

Maybe i"m crazy and you can tell me I am but considering my past health history, this is so stressful for me. I had little to clean after the last treatment as he was bedridden but I still washed things down for several days. did you take care when you were going through chemo?

I should add that I had to wear a mask for several days after his last chemo treatment. I couldn't get within 5 ft of him without having an allergic reaction. I can't explain it but it finally went away.

When I went through chemo, I had weekly treatments. They aren't as strong as what your husband is having, but make you feel sicker longer overall, I think. I would assume the chemical load is less on the folks one lives with. That said, in my house, I'm the most sensitive one, with my son coming in second. (And mine were young kids, so I'd have taken care if I'd noticed any signs ... he'd been prone to bad asthma and to skin sensitivities when he was even littler, and had finally outgrown most of it.)

I used the bathroom in the master bedroom, leaving the other one for the kids (that was so I didn't have to keep on them about cleaning it, LOL, not so I didn't have to clean), and I had my own comfort cups and the like. Because of my PEG tube and the (apparently false) information I was given about self-care, I was being a very good couch potato, so I would primarily have contaminated my little part of the sofa, and probably the TV remote. My husband took over the heavier cleaning chores.

Nobody noticed any effects on other family members that could be chemically related, but again my chemo was different, and so was our set-up for my care. I was more worried about the scans, and not knowing about being temporarily radioactive till after I'd already been through the first one ... when they warned me not to hug my kids. I was like, "What? How can you not warn me ahead of time? I've got little kids who are gonna want a hug when I get home!" We joked that one away, but that was our personal scariest moment.

In some ways we had fewer illness issues, because I *do* have kids, and folks were more careful about not bringing germs our direction. (We homeschool, so that helped a ton... no classroom germs to fret over ... but we did do a lot of group activities, and we had helpers from church.)

I really hope you don't have issues this time around. I don't think you're crazy; you know your body best.

thanks Kristen! I know I might sound crazy to some but you are correct, I do know my body. I'm one of the 2 realtors who are the mold sensitive and do check out houses for all the others! I'm just not willing to go through what I spent 12 yrs dealing with again so I'm trying to be proactive.

I know a lot of my frustration is taking care of someone who does not respect others and gets mad when I call him on his lack of respect. I just won't put up with it like I did for way too long.

The surprising thing in all of this is how he was bedridden for 3 weeks and now week 4, he was acting completely normal and energetic. Not sure why I need to drive him for 2 hours a day honestly.

He said his throat did not hurt today. I said nothing. The next 2 hours were full of groans and moans. Maybe now others can see why I question what's reality here and what's not! I'm not going through it but we go from invalid one minute to driving to town for fast food. It's confusing.

thanks so much for your wonderful responses. between you and Christine, I am staying a little more sane

Well, and some of that can be 'normal' too ... you feel super crappy, you seize the day when you feel a tiny bit better. Then you overdo it before you realize, and you crash big-time the next day. He may genuinely think he's well enough to go out for that fast food, but he may also pay dearly for it later. I liken it to doing a really thorough warm-up at my tae kwon do class ... I feel good that night, and can do some fabulous kicks and such ... still good later that night ... but within two days, my muscles are SO MAD at me for putting them through what I clearly overestimated I was ready for. Gah. It's almost like clockwork when the ouches set in ... you'd think I would learn.

Hang in there. You can do this!