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#196396 - 05/10/18 07:24 PM Beraved and Needing Advice  
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 20
trisha Offline
Member
trisha  Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 20
Hello,

I lost Norman two weeks ago to tongue cancer. My question is this-- if anyone else out their lost their loved one (I went to that thread but no one had posted in months), did you find you couldn't go to your job anymore because the associations were too painful? I'm thinking I need a complete change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

#196399 - 05/10/18 10:36 PM Re: Beraved and Needing Advice [Re: trisha]  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,051
ChristineB Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
ChristineB  Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,051
PA
Trisha, Im so sorry for your loss! May Norman rest in peace, free from pain and sickness.

Im sure you are not the only one who has dealt with those kinds of feelings. I cant imagine how difficult it would be to return to places that hold so many memories.

Ive heard from a few close friends who suddenly lost their husbands that bereavement counseling is a huge help. It might be something to check into, maybe you could give a couple visits a try?


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
#196406 - 05/11/18 04:39 PM Re: Beraved and Needing Advice [Re: trisha]  
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 975
gmcraft Offline
"OCF Canuck"
gmcraft  Offline
"OCF Canuck"
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 975
Toronto, Canada
Trisha,

I’m sorry that you lost Norman. When my husband passed away, I probably lived in shock for a while even thoough he had been in palliative care for a couple of months. I felt cut off from the world and what was going on around me. It was like I couldn’t understand or connect to the rest of the world. I was already seeing a therapist at that point but it didn’t make things any easier. It was hard to verbalize grief and many people don’t really understand. Two months after John’s death, I had people asking me if I had “got over” it. I really didn’t know what to say to them.

I would suggest that you stay put for the time being because you don’t really want to make any big changes to your life right now. I would, however, suggest that you give yourself some leeway — go out (with a friend or alone) when you feel you need a change of scene, do things for yourself that you were unable to do when Norman was ill, and make sure you go for walks and eat well. It will take some time but you will be fine at some point. It was round about the two-year mark that I came to the realization that I was feeling better. Half a year after John passed, I joined a community choir where I made new friends. At about the same time, I took up yoga. These activities help me to keep fit and to have some kind of social life. Take things slowly and, when you can, pamper yourself a bit. You deserve it.

Wishing you all the very best.


Gloria
She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails... Elizabeth Edwards

Wife to John,dx 10/2012, BOT, HPV+, T3N2MO, RAD 70 gy,Cisplatinx2 , PEG in Dec 6, 2012, dx dvt in both legs after second chemo session, Apr 03/13 NED, July 2013 met to lungs, Phase 1 immunotherapy trial Jan 18/14 to July/14. Taxol/carboplatin July/14. Esophagus re-opened Oct 14. PEG out April 8, 2015. Phase 2 trial of Selinexor April to July 2015. At peace Jan 15, 2016.

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