I have been a Chewing tobacco user for the past 20 years and I am 39 years old. There was a 3 year window when I did quit but then I fell back into the habit and have been dipping for the past 8 years. I recently quit cold turkey, I am on day 32. Every day is tough and the mental anguish I am putting myself through is unbearable. I have 3 boys aged 5, 7 and 10 and I cannot believe that I was selfish enough to continue dipping when I have these beautiful kids to look forward to. I would put the dip in my upper lip for the past 6-7 years and after quitting I have a noticeable area of Leukoplakia. I recently had a dental appointment after quitting for 3 weeks. My doctor's advice was to wait 6 months and take a look at it then. Everywhere I have read is that if something is there after 2 weeks of cessation, get it tested. So I called an Oral Surgeon and I have a second opinion scheduled for January 4th. I know for a fact the area will still be there come January 4th and I am going to push for a Biopsy. I have a hard time not thinking about this 100% of my day, planning my funeral, thinking about being disfigured, thinking about my kids growing up without a father. I look in my mouth numerous times just hoping to see some sign of it going away and it has become an obsession. I am not comfortable speaking about this as I am a person who just likes to keep things inside, and I really don't want to talk about this with anyone, even my wife. This is something I have brought upon myself and I am pissed every day. But unfortunately I don't have a Time Machine and I am going to have to live with the decisions I have previously made. I found this site and I would like to use it as an avenue to get some of my feelings out. I hope and pray that anyone on this site who has been diagnosed with Cancer beats it. Thank you for allowing me to vent, really helps.

Welcome to OCF! Im very sorry you have a need for our group. But, I really hope you do not need us. Im glad to see at this time you were not diagnosed with oral cancer. Reading your post, I fear you are getting way ahead of yourself by planning your funeral and worrying about being disfigured. You do not have a diagnosis of anything yet so do yourself a big favor and relax! Its unproductive to create unneeded stress, Im sure your regular day to day life is stressful enough without adding more to it. Remember, you are in control of your feelings and thoughts. Think positive until you are told otherwise by results of a biopsy.

After stopping using chewing tobacco, the "spot" may take a while to heal. No one can know for certain if the spot will disappear or if it will still be there after being tobacco free for 2 weeks. The saying we have is... any sore a person has inside their mouth that does not heal itself within 2 weeks should be checked by a professional. By a professional, I mean an ENT who specializes in treating oral cancer patients, not the type who primarily puts tubes in kids ears.

Our site is made up of patients/survivors and caregivers for those who have been diagnosed with oral cancer. We have all been thru the mental anguish of not knowing prior to being diagnosed. Ive been with OCF for almost 10 years, in that time Ive seen alot. Ive seen hundreds of people come to our site who were "100% positive" they had oral cancer but it turned out to be something else. I suggest seeking out a qualified ENT and taking it logically step by step to determine exactly what your spot is. It could be any number of things besides oral cancer. I hope your spot is something that is easily treated. Im also hoping you do not have a need to be here and can go back to happily living your life with your family.

Good luck and best wishes!

Hello Loto19. It is such a scary thought isn't it. We here all know this.
Please try not to obsess over this or beat yourself up. It won't change anything at all.
When your mind goes to these dark thoughts, shout at yourself "Stop". Then immediately change your thoughts and thinking. A therapist gave me this tip and I found it worked really well for me.
Christmas time is such a busy and joyous time. Spend the time doing things with your beautiful boys. Keeping busy will help distract you from these thoughts.
January 4 th is not far away. Stay busy until then.
We have a saying here " it's not a cancer until a biopsy says it is". You are a long way from this currently. Good on you though for getting this seen to quickly.
Like Christine I'm hoping this turns out to be nothing.
My mantra is" Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow " . Worry is such a waste of time..
I wish you a wonderful family Christmas and look forward to reading your updated posts. Fingers crossed for you.
Tammy

Hey Loto19 - I can so relate to your situation. I recently had wisdom teeth extractions along with crowns and fillings, which didn’t heal for months, and discovered a lump on the roof of my mouth - unfortunately I do have a history of smoking. I convinced myself I had cancer, and had thought out my entire post-diagnosis 'plan of action', did a lot of research and know a lot about oral cancer now. Like you, I obsessively looked inside my mouth - I have an album full of pictures on my iphone, beat myself a lot over previous smoking habits..I still think about cancer tbh, despite a negative biopsy.

Just a quick note. Your thoughts of doom may be related to nicotine cessation. Nicotine withdrawal plays tricks on your mind, and creates feelings of gloom and doom. I mean, you shouldn't stop monitoring the leukoplakia, but stop worrying so much about it being cancer. Too much stress can in fact contribute to cancer. Feelings of gloom and doom is a known psychological effect of withdrawal - more likely withdrawal related. Withdrawal can last up to three months or more.

For me, I stayed depressed for a few months - but then kinda found a new joy in life. I ended up reconnecting and cherishing my relationships with my family and close friends much more – somewhere deep inside I realized that life can be short and fickle, and have decided that I will live 2017 to the fullest – fulfill whatever dreams I had for myself so that I have no regrets if I am ever diagnosed with any life-threatening disease. You are blessed to have beautiful kids – make sure you enjoy that as much as you can, while you can. If you’re constantly preoccupied with imaginary worries, you’re stealing yourself of these healthy moments making memories. Not sure if I make sense. Get that biopsy for sure, but till then worrying won’t help so try not to.
Also – just a quick note – even if you do end up getting diagnosed with oral cancer – this is something you can beat – you will survive it – so instead of imagining funerals, I rather you imagine treatment plans and options

I hope this helps!

Your post is very thought provoking and so eloquently stated. I have added much of your post to a small notebook I carry everywhere to read often. I do get down occasionally and pull out my notebook to remind myself how fortunate I truly am. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, and life suggestions. They sure hit home for me. It is so good to hear you are doing well !

Loto19, please follow Obiwans' and others advice:
stop, deep breaths, don't let worry steal your moments.

Jo in NC - thank you so much for the kind words, and glad the post was helpful. You're a true jedi warrior - I hope things continue to get better for you. Warm wishes for a splendid 2017!

Obiwan, I will have to tell my three year old grandson (the apple of my eye) that someone called me a "Jedi Warrior". But he probably won't believe me unless I am handing him a cookie. Then, he will agree to anything !

Where are you located in NY ? My hubby was born in Jamestown but moved when he was very small. He does have many Swedish relatives that still live in the area.

Hubby was Air Force for 20 years flying B-52's so we have lived all over, retired and settled in North Carolina now.

Wishing you a great 2017 too !