I was officially diagnosed 28 July 2016.
Last Thursday (9/1) I had MRI, PET/CT and CAT scans all done. I couldn't handle the MRI machine at all but that's another story. Dr. calls this morning to discuss things this Thursday (9/8) with the possibility of doing a tracheotomy that evening - that is if I'm game.
I have to say. This totally freaks me out.
There was also some mention of feeding tubes at some point to build up my nutrition so they can do treatment.
It's not so much I have trouble swallowing. It's opening my jaw enough to chew "real" food.
For the most part I live on Boost/Ensure. The only "real" problem I have swallowing is drinking. It almost wants to immediately run straight out my nose - like doing a Netti-Pot.
I'm down to around 110 lbs. from my normal 125-130 (I've never been a big guy at all).

Anyway, I think this sh...t is really start to set in with me that it's really happening to ME.

My Dad is to coming to be with me for Dr. consult on Thursday. I have no family anywhere around me so having him be here for/with me helps. It's an 8 hour drive for him, but he doesn't think twice about it.

Sometimes I feel like having a full-on cry. But, it just doesn't seem to happen.

At this point I'm just kind of freaking out.
I'll 56 on 23 Sep. and this is a whole new world to me.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Eric.

The fact that you have already lost 20 lbs before treatment starts is a matter of concern. Your body needs to have all that energy to cope with the treatment and the side effects. I guess that is why your doctor suggested the feeding tube.

Have you had a chance to look into accommodation at a Hope Lodge near to your hospital? ChrsitineB probably has all the details. It will save you and your father from the long trip back and forth each time you need treatment.

In preparation for the consult, write down all the questions you may have for the doctor and make sure you get the answers to all of them. They could be questions about your condition, the treatments, the possible side effects and how to deal with them, the length of time needed for recovery, etc. Having the answers to the questions will help you prepare well for what may come and give you a measure of control.

Eric, you are free to vent anything you want (well... within reason and the forum rules that is ). We all understand what you are going thru and its no fun at all. We've been there and Im sure most of us remember exactly when we realized we could be in serious trouble with our cancer diagnosis. Facing your own mortality can be an eye opening and heart wrenching experience.

Im very glad your father is coming to help you. Call the American Cancer Society (anytime --- they're available 24/7 x365 days a year) right away. They have a volunteer driver program where its staffed with cancer patients/survivors and caregivers. Its a great program that helps many people all over the US. Ive been a volunteer driver for years.

Im sure you have people who are willing to help you. How about any organizations you belong to? A union, church or local fire company? How about neighbors or work friends or inquire about help with different local organizations from the phone book? People will surprise you in unexpected ways! Some you barely know can become your closest friend as they flock to your side to help in any way they can. Then there are those who may have been considered close friends or relatives and they run for the hills when they hear of your cancer diagnosis. Some people understand cancer as its touched their life in some way while others have an ingrained fear and cant be around anyone who is ill. You just never know but also if you dont ask, you wont get anyone's help.

We are here to help so please come back often and post often. Read and educate yourself about your illness. I have found it helps to have a general idea of what you are dealing with so you can attempt to prepare yourself.

Best wishes!!!