Hi everyone,

I am a 23-year-old female and I am very concerned about my dad. It was only a few days ago that he lived a healthy life: non-smoker, walked about 6 miles per day, no major health issues. Less than a week ago, my dad had a soar throat (possibly an oncoming cold, we thought), but when he looked into his mouth the next day, he saw a very large mass near his tonsillar region. He went to see the ENT, who said this mass is most likely cancer.

My dad went for a CT scan yesterday and had a biopsy today. The CT scan confirmed that the cancer is formed on the tongue base and on one lymph node in the neck. Not sure if it has traveled anyplace else yet. Most likely stage 3 or 4 oropharyngeal cancer.

This is very scary for me because I am an only child with no other family that lives anywhere close. I am young and this came on very suddenly, and I am looking for support and I will try my best to give support as well.

Thank you.

Hello, I am so sorry that this has happened to both your Dad and You. It is scary, but take some deep breaths. You will get through this.
There are many here who will jump in with similar tales. Unfortunately, this is becoming increasingly common. It is also a treatable cancer. This is most likely an HPV positive cancer and as such has a survivor advantage. These cancers respond more readily to current treatment of concurrent ( at the same time) chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
My own husband was diagnosed with this same cancer 5 and a half years ago. He is alive and well. So take a deep breath and have lots of hope. Be positive in your thinking. Yes, this will be a difficult 6 months or so for you , but you will both get through this. How lucky is your Dad to have you. You will be a tower of positive support for him through this, I know.
Christine will be along shortly to give you further advice on general items and nutrition. Her advice is the best so I will leave it here.
Come here often for support, advice or to vent. We will all help as best we can. This site by the way , is the best you could have found .
Please keep us updated and have hope.
Tammy

Hi Tammy,

Thank you so much for your elaborative and uplifting answer. I already feel a bit more positive. I am glad to read that your husband is a survivor and doing well. You are both very strong. My own research seems to match your thoughts about HPV oral cancer. I will keep updated when we get more results. Life truly works in unpredictable ways, as if I was told just last week that I would be typing on an oral cancer forum, I probably wouldn't have believed it LOL. Reading through this forum, it seems like a very supportive group of individuals. Best of wishes to you and your husband.

Welcome to OCF! Im very sorry to read about your fathers diagnosis. Please do your best to take it one day at a time. We will help you and your father get thru this one step at a time. I dont want to overwhelm you with too much info but these things are important to know from the start...

For now, anyone who offers their assistance write down their contact info and tell them when the time comes you will let them know what they can do. People genuinely want to help but often dont know how. When the time comes you need a hand dont be afraid to reach out and ask for it. You will probably mostly need help with helpers to sit with your father after surgery and drivers for his treatments. Call the American Cancer Society (their avail 24/7) and get volunteer drivers lined up and also help with either prescription or transportation cost help (up to $300).

Your fathers treatment plan will likely include surgery then followed by radiation with chemo. If at all possible prior to starting any treatment plan your father should get a second opinion (hopefully at a Comprehensive Cancer Center - CCC). At a CCC a team based approach is used so all the specialists work together to make the treatment plan. Its called a tumor board where the doctors get together and discuss each individual case, the patient is able to attend as well. The CCCs also have the brightest doctors so hopefully this is an option for your father.

List of CCCs

When looking at treatment plans, remember surgeons always say surgery is the way to go, same for radiologists and medical oncologists say chemo is necessary. Also remember once its been removed you cant put it back to its original functionality (even with skin graphs). This is why a second opinion is so important!

You probably will want your father to begin focusing on his intake. Eat all his favorites now, desserts too. If he is slim or average build he needs the extra pounds. Dont worry about gaining a couple pounds, he will probably be like most of us and lose weight during your treatments. When a person has cancer they burn up calories at an increased rate. During treatments and recovery he must boost his intake. If doing rads he will need a bare minimum of 2500 calories and 48-64 oz of water daily. If he can do more then that will only help make this easier for him. He wont be able to eat very well if having surgery so have all his favorites now.

Hopefully his treatment facility has a speech pathologist on hand to help him right after surgery. By getting one involved early, they can help your father relearn how to eat and work on his enunciation. This is very important for OC patients who have their tongue affected to begin right away.

If he hasnt already done blood tests, make certain they are testing his thyroid and testosterone levels. If doing rads, you may have problems years down the road with his thyroid. A blood test now ensures he will know what his regular baseline thyroid levels should be. Taking a pill a day to manage the thyroid isnt a big deal, but getting the baseline level is.

Heres a couple links that are very helpful. These will help to teach both you and your father about his illness and treatments. I know you are young but you really can do this and be your fathers caregiver. I had to depend on my 17 year old son to drive me 45 minutes each way to treatment for 6 weeks. Since you took the initiative to not only find our group but to reach out for help, that shows me the caliper of person you are. We will be right with you to help. I have faith you can help your father get thru this. Being a caregiver isnt always easy so make sure you take time for yourself too. Stop back often and keep us posted.

OCF Main Site... Diet during Cancer treatments

Livestrong's Cancer patients diet info

Best wishes!!!

Welcome to OCF!
You arrived at a good time, in the early days. There is a lot of good information to gain from here. Feel free to ask away as you will surely have plenty of questions as this is all new to you both.

Hi. I wanted you to know that I'm sorry your family is going through this. I was a caregiver to my mother last year (along with my dad, brother, sister in law), and although she has passed away, I still check in on the forum from time to time. I saw that you're a speech pathologist. I was a speech path many years ago, too. Your background will be helpful, because as a therapist, you'll have some ideas for improving your father's day to day; and your dad may look to you to help him understand better what's going on. On the other hand, being a speech path can also mean feeling like you're carrying more weight on your shoulders-like you should know more how to help-how to fix things. At any rate, be there for him as much as you can, while still keeping your life on track-it will be a comfort to your dad and also help you to know that you're doing what you can for him. You can be the researcher, the phone call maker, etc. Mainly, though, remember to sit down with him and really talk to him sometimes-that's my biggest regret with my mom was that I was always so caught up in the actual care-taking tasks-the meds, the tube feedings, trach care, etc.-that I forgot to just sit and talk with her about her fears, her feelings, her favorite teacher, her best Christmas present, her favorite pet. Be with him. It's a tough road, but there are lots of people on the forum who are on the other side of treatment, and at this point, there's no reason to think that your dad can't be one of those people, too. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

Thanks so much Christine! You are truly an amazing person for providing me with this helpful advice. I am a speech pathologist for a living and ready to help as much as I can.