Need to just vent a bit! I am a little over two years past my last surgery. I have what is most likely a permanent trache, a permanent feeding tube, and will probably never take food by mouth again. I had the base of my tongue and epiglottis removed. I speak somewhat with the aid of a Passey-Muir speaking vakve. This was my second round of oral cancer. In 2009 I had cancer on my lateral tongue with lymph node involvement. After surgery, 38 rads, and 3 cisplatin rounds, I thought that I had beaten the beast, then it came back in 2014. I am heading up to our local coffee shop this morning and have to carry my suction machine with me wherever I go. I won't be drinking coffee, but I will still be able to have the companionship of some of my friends. I know that what I have been through does not compare with what some of the rest of you have, but sometimes I feel that it just isn't fair! I get discouraged. Thank you for letting me vent. I try to be positive around my family and friends, but it's hard.

You certainly deserve to vent and we are here to listen! Please try not to compare to others here, everyone is different and has their own unique experiences, successes and areas of concern. Even the OC patients/survivors who seem to sail right thru have some medical problems. Maybe they are better at not showing them? I dont know, but, I do know that everyone here understands where you are coming from and we all sympathize what you are going thru.

You are 100% correct... ITS NOT FAIR!!! Its not always easy either. Hang in there and enjoy your time with your friends.

Thanks, Christine! Usually I am petty upbeat about everything, but sometimes it just gets to me. I did enjoy my time with my coffee shop buddies. Saw one friend who I hadn't seen for awhile. She has metastic breast cancer and has been through quite a bit. It has gone to her lungs and her spine, but she receives treatment and keeps going. She gets tired, and her treatments will not "cure" her, just keep it from getting worse. We did a lot of laughing and reminiscing this morning, which was great. I need to make a point of going up there every week, because it really is good for me, although it tires me out.

It's very courageous of you to meet your friends for a coffee. I know there are people who can't do that. It must have been hard for you to find the cancer has come back after seven clear scans. So you have every right to be angry and frustrated.

Yes. I get this too. You are right, life is not fair. I hate that this happened to us too. I hate that this happens to anyone. I have learnt though that life carries on and we all must make the best of what we have. Being positive is what has got us through. I love the idea of your coffee get togethers . It is so important to continue to meet our friends. Just getting out of the house helps the psyche.
May you enjoy companionship and coffees for a long time to come.
Tammy

It has been two years since my last surgery, and so far, so good. I had my PEG changed out a couple of weeks ago and am holding my own. Even though I can't drink coffee, I find that I can put it through my tube if I cool it. That's almost as good as drinking it. I have to haul my suction machine with me everywhere I go, but it doesn't seem to bother anyone. I do voice exercises everyday, and some stretching exercises as well. Thanks for the support here, you guys are the only ones who can understand what we are all going through.

Zengalib, you've been through something I can barely conceive and you're still out there fighting and living life. I'm inspired by your courage. It's so great that you're getting out there with friends and having a laugh!

You deserve every good moment, so vent on.

Yes, AWESOME job Zengalib! Sometimes we all get those feeling but continue on. This site is very helpful to vent, pick it back up, and run with it! Payers and all my best!