So thankful to have found this support group. My husband is halfway through treatments for oral cancer. I am just so sad, angry, confused, vulnerable, scared, clueless, etc etc.
My children are very supportive but they don't have to live with him & the mood changes. This is so hard to deal with. I am trying to stay positive & helpful but it seems no matter what I do I am wrong. Thank you for this opportunity to vent.

Hi Kimmer - welcome to the family. I know it's a tough time for you right now, but there are many caregivers who are members here, who have gone through what you are facing right now and who have valuable advice and suggestions.

Sadly, mood changes are just a part of the cycle as husband goes through all the stages of denial, anger, and then acceptance. Hopefully you can get him to join the forum himself so he can hear the words of all of us who have gone through this before him (and come out the other side). If you can't get him to join then you have to be the relay to get this information to him.

Stay strong, try to stay upbeat both for you and for him and when you need to vent, we will listen. Many people here helped me get through mine, so afterwards we pay it forward by helping others get through theirs.

take care,

So nice to hear from you.....right now the big issues are gallons of phlegm making it hard for him to sleep, drink, etc....he had to stop radiation today because of it....some vomiting too....also the burned skin on his neck is bad...any suggestions?? what kind of cream or treatment did you use for yours? He is not a computer guy but I have told him about this group & will pass on any & all info.
Thanks!!

Hi Kimmer. My neck was pretty burned from radiation as well. They gave me a prescription for Silver Sulfadiazine 1% Cream, and that - applied multiple times per day - really helped. Ask his medical or radiation oncologist for a prescription.

For the phlegm I kept a quart-sized squeeze bottle of saline in the refrigerator and used it to gargle often - *real* often. Having it cold really seemed to help. And having it pre-made was important because it took away the hassle factor.

Having to stop radiation is a bad thing for efficacy, so I hope you can get this resolved tomorrow. Keep fighting and hang in there!

Welcome to OCF! Im sorry you have a reason to need our group! But dont worry you have found the very best place for info and support, for you both!

You are not the first caregiver who mentioned your patients "moods". Many patients are in a state of denial, many are angry at the world because they have gotten sick and yet other patients will completely withdraw from everything and everyone. Often patients take anxiety meds and see a therapist to help them thru this. Caregivers are affected too so this has been helpful for them also. The best advice I can tell you is to make sure you are taking care of you as well. Caregivers do and do for the patient and everyone else but often forget about their own needs. So please remember to make time every day (even if its only a few minutes to walk around the block to clear your head) or at least a couple times a week for things you enjoy. Maybe by helping your husband with everything he is upset about being dependent on you? Let him do some of his caregiving things to give him a purpose. By keeping busy he will keep his mind off worrying about his health. Be aware that its very common for OC patients to struggle with depression. Many patients have trouble adjusting to all the changes and facing their own mortality so meds/therapy would probably be a huge help. Ask about these things at his treatment center to find someone experienced talking with cancer patients.


As far as his neck goes, dont be surprised if he doesnt get blisters down the road. Its going to get worse before it gets better. He should be applying cream like aqua phor ointment (found in any pharmacy) or prescription beta val cream several times per day to this area. The cream should be only ever get patted gently onto the skin and allowed to soak in, never rubbing it in. This needs to be done every single day. Its very important to never apply the cream immediately before going into rads as it could impact the treatment. I used to take mine along with me and apply in on the way home from rads.

For phlegm, have him sleep with a humidifier and propped up on a slight incline. Ask the nurses about using their suction machine on him prior to his treatment. You can even ask the doc for a prescription for a portable suction machine so it can be used at home. Using a waterpik on its lowest setting also does a great job and getting the phlegm out. He should also add a small amount (maybe about an ounce) of nonalcohol mouthwash to the warm waterpik water. Your husband should be rinsing several times a day with a mixture of 1 cup warm water, 1 tsp baking soda and 1 tsp salt. Swish this mixture in his mouth for at least 30 seconds, 4 times a day.

Since you mentioned the phlegm is making it difficult for your husband to drink Im going to assume he isnt taking in enough fluids. This is my usual nag about intake.... I cant stress the importance of this enough!!! This is the most important thing within your control to focus on. Being half way thru rads, he probably is just starting to feel lousy. Every single day he needs a minimum of 2500 calories and 48-64 oz of water. If you can push to get him to take 3000 calories daily it will make everything easier on him (hopefully on you too). Plus by staying hydrated and drinking lots of water it helps with the phlegm and even more important to keep those swallowing muscles functioning properly. I know, at this point the amounts I mentioned probably sound like alot especially with his sore throat, but its vitally important. Often patients will skimp on their intake and figure they can make it up the next day. But tomorrow never comes as radiation is cumulative, making your husband feel worse and worse as time goes on. By avoiding the skimping cycle, you will help your husband to get thru this so much easier.

Im hoping I havent overwhelmed you by giving too much info. I am only trying to help you both avoid the pitfalls I went thru, especially with intake.

Best wishes with everything!!!

Here three years past treatment I still have nasty sinus drainage that wants to hang in my throat. It seems worse at night, ie I wake up in the morning needing to hack and spit.

Gargling with salty water helps; just don't make it too salty as it might burn his throat.

Something I didn't know about while in treatment, but have found since is Selzer water from Walmart. 12 pack of 12 oz cans is less than $4 and it works wonders on removing the crud. Before you buy a whole 12 pack, buy one 32 oz bottle ($0.68) and try it. Be careful, his throat may be pretty sensitive to even something this strong right now. But it works wonders for me.

Good luck, keep fighting, you and hubby will get there, we will help.