Hi, my name is Anita and I cannot tell you how much it means to find a site like this one. I had SCC of the tongue in 2006 and just found out that it has returned. I am supposed to have surgery on June 26th and my surgeon says I need to have my salivary gland re-routed and because the area is large that I will probably need a skin graft but otherwise he is vague on outcomes which is very frightening to me. He also told me the results would not be back for over a week. He also said they may have to remove the lymph nodes in my neck but that he couldn�t be sure until after the surgery. Since my husband died a little over two years ago everything has been a struggle, both financially and emotionally. My family (my mother who has Alzheimer�s and my two children) rely on me but lately I have felt too weak to properly care for them! My doctor says this could be from a Vitamin D deficiency (level very low) or because I have nodules on my thyroid. I don�t know what to do or where to turn. I am overwhelmed. I feel as though I need a second opinion and I know that MD Anderson is only about 4.5 hours away from me but I just don�t know who to trust. I feel as though I need a caretaker but unfortunately that is unlikely in my situation. If anyone has any advice it would be more appreciated than you�ll ever know.

I would run to MD Anderson or another Comp Cancer Center.
You need the care from Dr's that are doing this everyday.
All the best,
Rob

Anita, I know how you feel. I have had a recurrent oral cancer too and last time my husband had just been placed in a dementia unit at a local rest home. Dealing with a family member's Alzheimer's at the same time as a cancer diagnosis and treatment is like a worst case scenario. My husband had just gone into care. Is your mother at home with you?

I can also understand the issue of guiding children through your own cancer. You need help because the surgery will take you out of circulation for at least a week. Have you family members or friends who could help out? Situations like this call for advice and support from the Cancer Society. The hospital you deal with will have a social worker.

Vagueness about outcomes from the surgeon isn't uncommon. As long as he's going into cure it, as long as there's a plan of action, you will gain the strength to go through the treatment. Whether you should get a second opinion I don't know. We have a different system where there is no real choice but all treatment is free. Can you ask your GP for advice on the MD Anderson option? It's hard to make these decisions alone.

People here will support you to the max. Let us know how you get on.
Best wishes
Maureen

Thanks, Rob! I think you are absolutely correct! Have you known of anyone who has gone to MD Anderson?

Thank you, Maureen! Hearing your story gives me hope! Thank you again for your kind, encouraging words. It means so much to know that someone cares. I will definitely talk with the social worker at the hospital to see if they can help.

Kindest regards,
Anita

Welcome to OCF! You are in the best place to get info and support. We will help you get thru this. How old are your children?

When I first found this site in 2007, I was a single mother of 2 teenagers. I was their only parent and had no help at all. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Thanks to the members of this forum I not only got thru that round of OC but also 2 more. Believe me, if I can do it so can you!

Contact the American Cancer Society, they are 24/7/365. They can help a little financially. They can give you help with providing transportation to treatments or doctor appointments, and prescription meds up to $300 to help with co-pays at your pharmacy. Its not alot but it can help when times are tight.

To me, I think your surgeon isnt going into alot of detail because so much will depend on what they find when they go in. That could change everything. Hopefully things go exactly as was explained and you will bounce back quickly. Since you did not have radiation previously, you should recover quickly.

Now is the time to round up friends and relatives to help. Everyone needs help sometimes in life. Anyone who offers to help you, write down the name and contact info. Tell them when the time comes you will let them know what they can do. If you can have a few helpers rotate hanging out with you in the hospital it will make it so much easier on you. They can be your voice to make sure everything goes smoothly. Other helpers can assist with your children. There are a million small things that can add up to making this a heck of alot easier for everyone. At my previous job a chart was made for one month when a co-worker had breast cancer treatments. For every day that month, someone would write their name down for cooking duty and make a homemade meal for the co-workers family. A few others helped as the delivery service. Something like this would be a huge help for the children.

If you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, its perfectly normal. Everyone is always nervous about a major surgery or going thru a potentially life changing event. Just having a cancer diagnosis can be tough enough. Thinking about your own mortality, especially after losing a spouse is frightening. I cant imagine how hard that was on you and your children. Most people are so much stronger than they give themselves credit for. If you need some extra help from anxiety meds, so it. Think of that as just another temporary tool to get you thru this. Many OC patients (and quite a few caregivers too) have sought out counseling and meds.

Hang in there, we are full of ideas to help you make this as easy as possible. We got your back

MD Anderson is a top CCC if it doable, I would definitely go there. If it's a big tumor I would urge your surgeon to do the neck dissection at the same time. Or better yet see someone who does this cancer all the time as they will likely do what I just said. Everyone else has given you some great advice. Being the caregiver in the family makes it hard for you to think of caring for yourself. My advice is give up the reigns for a bit... focus on getting the best possible care so you can recover quickly with minimal issues. HUGS and best of luck