I'm 6 weeks, doing well after surgery. As much as I get information and comfort from this forum it also scares me. Scares me because of the reoccurrence I hear about. The bravery is uplifting, but still I am scared when I read about it. I have a door in my head that I shut when I had breast cancer and only opened if I had a Dr. appt. or I could help someone with my knowledge and practical advice. I can't live thinking about it, and yet this site is a comfort of knowledge and wonderful people.
As usual my brain is getting different signals.

I used to feel the same way. After finishing radiation and chemo, I had such a fear of having a recurrence I wouldnt even open a post having anything to do with a recurrence. Even with being so superstitious it still happened to me. It took a while for it to sink in, but I finally realized there was nothing I could do to prevent a recurrence from happening. The only proactive action I could do was to try having the best diet I could and not waste my precious time worrying "what if...".

Our forum does have quite a few members who have had recurrences. I think this is due to those members being more active here than some members who have had OC once and been able to regain their pre-cancer life easier. This topic has come up a few times over the years. I find that by helping others it helps me to better deal with the hand I was dealt. Being active on the forum helps me to keep my mind off my own issues.

Just know we are all in this together. Nobody understands how brutal this disease and its treatments are as much as fellow patients and caregivers who have seen this first hand. We understand all the emotions and ups and downs patients and caregivers go thru. OC is a horrendous disease! Being part of this great group of people means we get you and its ok to vent. We all laugh and cry right along with each other. Many lifelong friendships have been formed thru these posts. This group of people are a family. Glad you are here with us

Fear of recurrence is a recognised "thing" in cancer psychology I think. Years ago I read a book called "Dancing in Limbo" written by two women, one with melanoma and one with oral cancer. Just last year it appeared again when I took part in a course with a cancer psychologists. It's pretty good and could help you see how others get through the first few years after treatment.

The other thing is that a recurrence is not always the end of the world. Lots of people here are living life large after a few rounds with this cancer.

Most people don't get a recurrence. Many stay well even after an advanced cancer. A few years ago the wife of one of my colleagues got breast cancer, had the treatment then spent years worrying about every little symptom in case it was a return of her cancer. When I look back now I wonder if she had untreated depression. According to her husband, her life was clouded by the cancer she was successfully treated for.

Fear of recurrence can be crippling . It needs to be grappled with firmly with help from a professional or some sort of conscious effort.

Finally, no one understands it apart from people who have had cancer. My own family and friends see me running around well adapted to my new normal and they have no idea of how I have to keep the fear under control. The last thing they want to hear is me being negative. Therefore it's only on this site that I can be really honest:)

Fear is with all of us to some degree or other. I worry, too about my son and every little thing that comes up health wise but I know he's taking care of himself and I try to keep those "what-ifs" under control and not let him see my concern. The fear touches all members of our family. Once when My son's daughter went to the doctor for a sore on her lip, it wasn't until later when everything was ok that I realized how anxious Paul had been about his daughter. I think cancer has given us a new closeness, a new appreciation of all the good things in life. The very smallest of things are cause for celebrations, hugs and "I love you"'s. Madelaine - I see by your signature that you have been "married to a wonderful man for 42 years". And that is something really big to celebrate. Not many of us have had that kind of love. Tell him every chance you get what he means to you. Enjoy the "Now", and each moment to the fullest! Now go give that wonderful man a hug. :-)