It's 3:00 a.m and I just can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping much lately. I have the constant fear of my brothers Cancer returning. I have the fear of hearing bad news at any of his appointments. I am so scared and I just don't know what to do. I believe he will be okay. The doctors say he will be okay too. I am so sad that he had to deal with all of this. I am sad that he is only 22 and has had the hardest time ever.

ak123

I know the feeling as I dont sleep much anymore either. My mothers cancer is always on my mind. Your brother is so young to have to battle this. My heart goes out to your family.

I know all cancer is bad but Oral cancer is just horrible. What I have noticed in people is when different friends and relatives ask "What type of cancer does your mother have" and I say Oral Cancer I get the impression people dont think its that bad. If they only knew the pain and suffering of Oral cancer Geeeez.

Prayers to you and your brother.
Heidi

What are you two doing about that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that is keeping you up at night? The caregivers and loved ones along with us on this journey have the roughest role. There is no attention from the medical team or anyone else around you unless you are making that happen. Some will see you as too busy; others will feel awkward in what to do or say so they sit back and wait.

Find some things to fill your life back with joy. Even if only for brief respites, don't minimize the toll this has all taken on you, too.

Recharge often. We can't do this without you by our sides!

Very close to 100% of the things I worried about never happened.
I worried about freaking out in the mask. Never did. I worried about not finishing treatment. I finished. I worried about treatment not working. I'm clean 3 years. Now I want all that time I wasted worrying back.

I learned about midway through that the more time I thought and worried about myself the worse I got. The more I tried to help others the better I got. One day (and it was not a good day) I pasted a fake smile on my face and went to treatment. Someone told me I looked like I had gained a pound or two. Everyone starts asking what I did to get so much energy. It was a FAKE smile! I realized none of the patients were smiling. I certainly understand why but the impact it had was incredible. I started smiling every time I went in. Most times they were fake but every now and then it was real and sometimes I laughed. Worry is absolutely normal but I had to find something to chase it away or it might consume me. I pray you find something to chase it with too.

I try not to let my worry consume me day in and day out. I'm trying to enjoy decorating the house for the holidays and finding things to side track the thoughts and worry I have. It's really hard though. It's like the fake smile you mention. Somehow you pretend to be happy but the hidden truth is I'm worried as heck of what's going to be the next blow of bad news .

Hopefully with the scan that's being taken this week it will show some good news and then my worries will lighten up .

Happy Holidays
Heidi

Stay in and savor every moment. Stay positive and deny your mind that moment of giving in. Believe me, I know it's tough but even saying it out loud; that you won't allow the thought, or you disagree with the thought you just had can help. ChrisN is correct, kind of the "Fake it till you make it" syndrome. And you will find every now and then there's a connect (Or a disconnect) and that smile or laugh is real. Every moment like that helps!
Prayers and Best Wishes for you and your Mother (And Family).

Here is how I dealt and deal with any negative thoughts. For every single minute spent worrying on such thoughts is one less minute enjoying and celebrating and taking in all the incredible wonderfulness that minute offers.

Stop right now and add up those lost minutes. Would you rather be able to count them and feel great knowing they were spent on wonderful rather than negative things.

The moment negativity enters your mind. Fight like hell and demand yourself to think about something fun to make you laugh, look at the incredible blue sky, or a beautiful flower, or call a friend and ask how they are doing, or .....

Life is far too short to dwell on the negative.

donfoo

you are rite life is to short to dwell on negative and believe me when I say I'm more a positive person than anything. Its just times when you find yourself in deep thought and wonder what is the next move.

I guess at this point and time things are not good . Its just been one bad news after another . Im beginning to just think ,wonder and worry about whats next. Treatment that is.

It's 4am and another sleepless night

Happy Holidays to All
Heidi

Heidi, no matter how hard you try to guess what's ahead, the possibilities are overwhelming. Out of the huge pool of "things" that might happen, only a handful will. It's been easier for me to just shut it out and deal with it as it happens.

I know I keep saying this, but deep restorative sleep is very critical for your well being. If you aren't sleeping often, it's time to get aggressive. One sleepless night a week is too many.

Uptown

I have told myself this is it. The worrying stops now. Hopefully most of my worries are for nothing .

AK123
I hope you read this thread and find some peace also.

Thank You For The Support.
Heidi