An interesting discussion. Thanks everyone. I agree that openness is the way to go but there are several complicating factors. As a family our lives were turned upside down when I was diagnosed with Stage IIIc ovarian cancer in 1996 when I was 49 and my youngest son 14. It took a long time for the diagnosis to be sorted out and things were very bad initially with an unknown primary and poor prognosis. My kids were going through their adolescent angst and we'd never been open as a family. My husband and I both found it hard to talk about such things so we protected the younger two boys while taking the eldest more into our confidence. That pattern continued through two more cancer episodes and the HORRIBLE process of my husband being diagnosed with dementia in his early 70s. Youngest lives in the UK (but came home for 6 weeks to look after me in Feb), middle avoids his Dad and the eldest visits him dutifully. To make matters more complex, I have bounced back strongly from each cancer episode (so far). After a few months of floundering, they see me pounding the pavements, digging the garden, arguing about politics and generally being the same old Mum. The two younger lads are still not fully aware of what I continue to go through while the eldest takes it upon himself to be the stalwart. Part of me wishes he'd go the whole hog and read the pages about OC on this website but I'm too scared to suggest it and really why should he?

The other two have shown plenty of devotion but only at times when the situation flares up:)

When I have a scare my first or second thought is for the boys and how it's going to affect them, especially my middle one who is devastated about his father. When he got married in March, I was only JUST able to attend and his father is so far gone he could not.

Have just read over what I've written and recognise that my "thinking" is a bit flawed, predicated on the false premise that adults in their 30s can't handle what I can, but heck, it's hard to deal with.

Alpaca - Everybody is different and you know your own children and can probably predict their reactions better than anyone, but if you would like your eldest to see some of the information about OC, why not select something not too long that you want him to see, print it out . . maybe even hilite some things and then leave it "accidentally" where he just might see it next time he's at your house. It might catch his eye and if he really cannot bear to look at it, he will put it down. Or he might find it very helpful. That way it's his choice. If you are busy elsewhere it might be easier for him to take a look. Just a thought. It is a difficult situation and maybe you could use another "stalwart" person in your corner.

Thank you Anne-Marie. I'm going to try something like that.

Update on waiting for ultrasound. I spoke to the surgeon who said it there is only a tiny chance that there is cancer in the node, the one that became enlarged when I had a gum/tooth infection. She can't get me in until 27 November for ultrasound and FNA, although she is trying to bring it forward. It's a hell of a long time to wait - from 15 October to 27 November but I feel reassured now I have spoken to her. I've had this before and had a similar wait ... Horrible thing to do to a cancer patient but I've become better at waiting. I've sort of got over that ghastly knot in the stomach and just feel "in the moment". It's different for me I think because I've had cancer four times and feel my luck has to run out at some stage. But I don't think it has yet.

Alpaca, I'm truly sorry for the anxiety you are experiencing. I would agree, there's not much worse for us. The time between discovering and proving/disproving things seems like the slowest time passes, too. We just seem to find ways to keep calm, in most cases. In others, some of us turn to anxiety meds.

When I go through extended periods of being unable to breathe, it feels like I will die any second. I even fear sleeping because I have to consciously make myself breathe and I feel like I will drift off and not wake up. This has been going on for 2 years in December. I look back in amazement that I have endured this for so long but also to remind myself that I am doing fine. I have gone almost a full year with no anxiety meds, too, which surprises me more.

Find ways to occupy your mind and the time will fly by. I use cooking, gardening and politics, too, although the politics part doesn't bode well for relaxation. Hang in there and I am certainly hoping for the best possible outcome on your FNA.

Thank you belatedly Uptown. Now many weeks later I have had my ultrasound. There was no node worth taking a biopsy of. "Nothing bad happening here." Some fatty tissue etc. I was so relieved as was the friend who accompanied me. For the expected FNA there was a big group of medical people so after the good news I told them to all go and have a cup of coffee.

I could bemoan the fact that I had to wait so long to get this reassurance but in fact the wait made me face a lot of the issues that are going to affect me from now on as a person who has had three primaries and has used up some of her nine lives. I think I'm getting better at living in the present:)

Great news Maureen!
Tammy

Must have been a relief to hear that there was nothing to biopsy Maureen. Like Tammy says .....great!
Gabriele

So happy to hear your good news! The waiting is the worst. It takes a lot of practice to keep the mind and the body occupied, and to try and keep out all the chatter that fills the head with the "what ifs" and other negative stuff. The more I hang out here, the more I learn how important is the "now".

Wonderful news, Maureen!!!