This is Gk. I just found out I have cancer. Emotions are hard and I am still not accepting it. How did you all sleep? I can't sleep. My mind keeps thinking about it over and over. What has helped with accepting the diagnosis? How can I think positively? When all I can think of is that I only have two years left to live? What helped you?

Welcome GK. Firstly one of the good things about this place is there is usually someone online somewhere in the world. Its before dawn in the states but you have your trusty Aussies and Kiwis ready for duty.

The initial diagnosis is a very stressful time. Your lives have just undergone a massive shift. It feels like life as you know it has ended, and it has. But its not over.

The first step is to understand whats happening next. Don't think too far ahead and don't try to paint ahead further than you can see. Understand the next appointment, what its for, what questions you want to ask. Have a clear understanding of how the radiation is going to work, and what you're going to have to do to get ready for it. For me it was to quit smoking and pull 3 teeth. Neither was pleasant.

I went on sleeping tablets pretty quickly. What they are good for is putting you to sleep at particular times. Rather than be up tossing and turning you can at least get to sleep before an early appointment in the morning. They're addictive and not without their issues, but working with the doctor I found them helpful.

Counselling is good to a point, but two things about that. Go easy on yourselves. Give yourself time to get used to the changes. You're not suddenly psycho, it is perfectly normal to go through the emotions you're going through. Also generic counsellors can only help you so far. You need to talk to people who have a sound understanding of cancers, in particular your type of cancer and treatment.

Keep yourself busy doing practical things before your treatment. Go to the dentist, visit family, eat well, service the car, tidy up your will, mow the lawn. Everyday practical things you'll struggle to do during treatment. Keeping the mind and body busy is good for both and relieves stress.

Its never easy to face your own mortality. Its not a fixed thing, not for any of us. Don't focus on the day you will die, you don't know when it is, two years is a doctor's guess. Focus on the things you can do, the things you need to get through. Break it down into whats happening this week, whats happening today. What do I need to do, where do I need to be and what do I need to bring.

As for staying positive, I hated the "P" word. It was so overused, but its very true. I had a mantra for my wife and my family, "keep your chin up, because its contagious when it drops". You don't just stay positive for yourself, you smile through it for the people who love you and who will carry you through it. I think you've already got one of those, she's doing the typing.

GK, it's good to see you here! Many have faced what you are and hopefully can help you through this. We are all willing to do whatever it takes to do this.

Just remember, anyone that gives you an expiration date is only really guessing. I have even eaten food beyond that date and am still here to talk about it!

Your mind will race for a while. That's very common. This could be the worst thing you've heard in life. Think about other times you received less than favorable news. What ways were you able to process that and get it behind you? Use the same processes. They worked before.

As OzMojo points out, perhaps find a counselor. There are oncology psychiatrists that spend their lives finding ways to deal with only the emotional aspects of cancer. Don't be afraid or hesitant to use them. Settle the mind first and the journey will make more sense from your eyes.

You might consider setting up your own account here if you have time. That can keep some of the caregiver questions separate from the patient perspectives, although both will chime in.

Hang in there. This is all new and a shock right now.

Take each day as it comes. Try very hard to be clear and calm when visiting the doctors. It is especially important to listen carefully and ask informed questions. Read all you can here and become knowledgeable and educated.

Do post as much detail as you are comfortable. We are not doctors but can sure give our opinions based on our collective front line experiences.

If you are really stressed and freaked out, ask for some anti-anxiety meds for the short term. There is nothing wrong in getting some help to allow you to sleep and think well, especially during times like this where you have to be alert and able to make smart decisions.

Good luck today,
Don

Dear GK, sorry you have to be here but do know that we welcome you with all our hearts. My husband told me that when he was told his cancer had metastasized, he fell literally that he had been kicked in the butt. He went on anti-anxiety meds and sees a therapist once a month. What I find helps is that he tries to live a normal day -- gardening and pottery. These activities "feed his soul." The treatment is rough but don't allow it to push you over into the abyss of despair and depression.