So we haven't even begun treatment yet, but I plan, and then plan, and plan some more. I know I don't know exactly what will happen, but am trying to plan for the things/situations that may be controllable. For example, the long drive to and fro. Our vehicle is pretty comfortable, but that's from an arthritic perspective! Wondering if I should acquire a travel pillow and blanket and maybe some sort of waste receptacle in case of 'yarfing'? Should I mount the ipad in the vehicle to watch a movie for him? And when at home, sheesh, my husband is the kind of man that can't stand to be idle. He's always got a project or enjoying the chores of living in the country. He's trying to hurry up and finish the chicken coop extension and finish clearing the pasture and getting out the chain saw to finish clearing downed branches etc. I think he is more worried about not being able to do these things-it's always been like his 'zen'! Going out and working on his old 75 Ford pick up is ALWAYS therapeutic for him after a long hard week at work. Now what? How can I help him stay busy if/when he feels like yak? The most 'still' thing he ever does is working on models. Would that be too piddly when feeling like poo? I am trying so hard to plan things to keep him 'busy', even just mentally, and am coming up blank. He is nervous about being bored and feeling useless. And man, the day I have to call my friend and ask her husband to come chain saw something is gonna break his heart. I guess maybe I shouldn't try to plan, but he really needs to feel certain that being idle and bored won't be the end all he feels it is. See, right now he's only been up long enough to shower and is already in my Mom's room hanging her newest shelves! He's more worried about feeling bored and useless than he is about side effects and treatment. His attitude toward treatment is very positive, it's the rest of this that has him bummed. I know that is subject to change as treatment begins, but it is what he's worried about now. Ok, this was way longer than I thought it would be. Sorry, but thank you!

Both of you need to calm down and hope for the best. Some breeze thru, some are bed ridden almost from day 1 but most are very limited from the 4th week till the 3rd week post Tx so it really just depends on how he's affected by the side effects. I can almost guarantee whatever you plan ahead for, won't happen.

Im a planner too. I found that no matter how much I planned nothing could have prepared me for the hardest weeks of my life. Relax and enjoy your time together. Make memories, go out to eat, etc. Your husband needs to eat all his favorite foods now. His sense of taste will change and food will probably taste like cardboard plus he could have swallowing issues that prevent him from eating properly. Have your hubby make a list of all his favorite foods and then you can make certain he gets them all at least once before treatment begins. If he is on the thin side (being military he probably is), he needs to bulk up before treatment starts.

Dont waste time worrying "what if", it will never ever change a darn thing. Make the here and now your main focus, everything else will happen no matter what you plan. Being a planner myself, I know its not easy to not make plans. Maybe planning to make all your husbands favorite dinners will help fill your time. Hope you like to cook

I think a person or designee can have some plans, do some research before treatment start for things under their control, instead of waiting until the need arises, and have it done haphazardly, in panic or not done at all during treatment. I'm talking about looking into their medical benefits, what it covers, costs, duration, continuation, any other insurances, employment benefits, and it's continuation. How you will get to and from treatment, food preparation, shopping, prescriptions, 24hr pharmacy, hours of operation, taking care of animals, children, other responsibilities, and stuff like that.

As mentioned everyone is different. Caution, deferment, personal protection should be used when in public, doing yard work, interacting with any animals, their clean up, especially with a compromised immune system from cancer, and it's treatment. Infections can be dangerous, and progress quickly.

Good luck.

I'm a "planner" too. I like to be prepared for "unforeseen circumstances" and since you did mention "yarfing" - that is one area that just did not occur to me until the very end of my son's many car trips to the Radiation center. In the car I had water bottles for him, towels, tissues but no pan for him in case of nausea which progressed to "yarfing". It was at his "graduation" - last Rad tx - that he got a throw-up bucket (a square dishpan). At several previous trips, when the need arose I would have to pull over for my son to open the door and lean out and let it go. Of course I had to follow his directions like "not here, Mom ! - over there - up the hill - not in the driveway - near the bushes, etc. etc.

So here is what I would recommend: Have some towels, wet washcloths in a plastic bag, water, and a small colorful plastic dishpan with paper towels in the bottom (for easy clean-up) and paint a smiley face on the side. You could put the dishpan on floor of the back seat so your husband doesn't see it and possibly get the idea to use it. He may never even need it - but it helps to be prepared.

Welcome. I understand the flurry of activity in preparation for the unknown but suspected bad experience ahead.

Having received a diagnosis only a few days ago you are entitled to spin for a bit. But the most valuable way to spend time is to start reading all you can on the forum here first to get up to speed about the realities of what you face.

Knowledge is power and the more you know and are informed the better prepared you will be to understand what is happening and asking informed questions about various options, side effects, treatments, etc.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that an afternoon spent reading about chemo treatment and radiation treatments for oral cancer patients will pay off far more than cutting down some limbs outside.

The sooner you come to grips with the reality and start getting educated the better equipped you will be to extract all this forum has to offer.

Good luck.

Your post reminded me of something I wrote years ago in response to a similar question by another poster:

I am a big planner, verging on compulsive type personality, and am most comfortable dealing with worse case scenarios rather than being caught off guard. However, I found out that there are so many potential side effects and issues related to this tx. that it was impossible to be totally prepared.

At 2 weeks into tx., I changed my approach. I was busy reading and worrying about future long term side effects (eating, nutitional supplements, dry mouth, etc. ). Meanwhile, I was not paying attention to the fact that my husband's fluid intake had suddenly decreased tremendously. It startled me into taking things one step at a time.

I found it most helpful to be in close contact with the nursing staff at the cancer center. If necessary, they would consult with RO or MO or arrange for MD/NP/PA to perform an exam/evaluation. They encouraged immediately reporting every single side effect. Often meds or IV fluids were prescribed. If nothing could be done, at least it was noted in the record and we knew that it was to be expected. It seemed that every other day there was a new problem. The important thing is to not let the side effects that can be controlled escalate.

Of course my research on this site helped me to ask more pertinent questions and understand the team's explanations better. Lottie

I asked neighbors to take care of things that he couldn't when he was in the hospital so he wouldn't feel so bad. It's difficult but in time he will learn to pace himself and allow his body to do what it can when it can. Education is great and try to take it one day at a time. It's very difficult to plan in these circumstances.