It's so difficult Gloria. It's like having a little child but a grown up version.
On one hand I have to look after myself as no-one else is going to do it for me but on the other it means I'm selfish by looking after my own needs first and not his. I wish I had magic wand that works

Heike, do not, for even a moment, think that you are selfish. If you get sick, both you and Simon will need looking after. If you look after yourself first, then Simon will get the care that he needs from you. If he is falling down, I would take him to the hospital to have him checked over. It may be he is dehydrated or he needs more nutrition. In any case, the doctors will be able to tell you what it is. While you are there, can you get the doctors to read Simon the riot act -- let them tell him that he is endangering his own recovery.

The not-eating and drinking is a story that I heard over and over while John was undergoing his treatment. Every time we were in the Radiation Nursing Centre, there was bound to be at least a patient there who had to be told by the doctors that unless he/she ate, there was nothing the doctors could do for him/her. Even the doctors and the dietitians were getting frustrated with the hard-headed patients on a regular basis.

That's a good idea that Gloria had about getting your husband's doctor to impress on him the importance of proper nutrition and hydration. You have to try different things sometimes. When my son was having a lot of trouble with sores in his mouth, he reached a point where he refused to eat or drink and I had to threaten to get my daughter (police officer with a gun) to come help me shove him into the car and take him to the hospital and have a feeding tube put it. That did it. He started trying a little harder. I felt so badly for him - I could see how very painful it was and how he suffered. I don't know what could work with your husband, but as Gloria says the doctor might be able to help. Sometimes someone other than a relative can make more of an impact on how important it is to get proper nutrition and enough to drink.

Well, I did threaten to take him to the hospital and it seems that it has worked. For the first time he hasn't lost any extra weight (this week) and his metabolism is working too. He even brushed his teeth!! And tries to eat a little.

I don't know what it's like to lose the ability to taste anything and can only imagine how hard it must be to eat something without taste.

I'm off to see the Neurosurgeon. Let's see where my journey takes me.

Thanks again for all of your support. Couldn't have done it without you.

We eat for pleasure ans when you take that senation away, you might as well give me a pill. That was the first horrible part of my treatment, loosing my taste. Worst part is for a very long time your brain is telling you exactly what you are about to put into your mouth will taste like and then BAM it either has no taste or even worse it tastes bitter or just plain bad.

Heike, here's to hoping you get good news from the neurosurgeon.

It sounds terrible David, not an easy way to live. And yes, one of the pleasures why we eat is taste but if your own health is at stake wouldn't that be incentive to eat? The drive to live � little do I know so it seems.

As a bystander I find it frustrating, hurtful, pulling my hair out in desperation to see someone 'wasting away'. Maybe hypnosis can help to retrain the brain?

Unfortunately, my appointment is another 4 weeks away. Sadly, I haven't got private health insurance , only Simon, so I have to wait my turn. I have tried to skip the queue by wanting to pay cash for consult but no such luck. It's like being a second-class citizen �

I'm sure I'll survive it's just frustrating

Simon had his CT scan done and all is clear. PET scan in 7- weeks time. I reckon the waiting and the unknown is almost unbearable.

Not a day passes where cancer isn't on once mind. I guess it will remain like this forever.

As time goes on, the further cancer, treatment will be in your mind, although, certain events, dates, will bring them back, hopefully only temporarily. It all becomes a blur after a while, and I even forget my worst times after almost 5 years, If it weren't for my medical records, updating doctors. Etc.

It does get better, and good luck. Waiting is the worst though.