Hi Steven,

That's not what it was meant to be.

What it [b]is[/b] meant to be is a warning that one's attitude going into this can have a large part in how much suffering one has to endure while going through this.

It is also a warning that one's attitude could lead to the least desirable outcome, if your death is that. That is, by seeking to avoid the most successful path because you wish to avoid the unpleasantness it imposes, one could easily insure that it returns. And kills you.

My approach, and I suggest it to you, is to go in to each meeting with the medics with a simple desire to learn what the reality of my situation is at the moment. The questions I ask are what can I do to minimize the negative and maximize my chances, however slim they may look.

I do not have a preferred outcome.

That makes it simple to keep an inner serenity. Hell, it's not as if each and every one of us is NOT going to die, whatever the outcome of this business might prove to be; and because none of us know when that event will happen, timing is not involved either.

Capishe?

I do have a preferred outcome. That is that I live, I love my wife, and that I finish a book on my research (preferably several of them). Not having a preferred outcome is not an option, it is too fatalistic for me. I am perfectly serene in this approach.

That said, I accept positively whatever is ahead, we are, as you say, all going to die one day.

Hi Steve,

I hear you! I don't think it's mutual and I regret that; but C'est la Vie.

I do wish you all the best, and I mean that very sincerely.

Bart

I just finished at Stanford 2 months ago. They are a top 10 in the Country facility and they did not disappoint. Since they are in your own backyard I would highly recommend them. Also, it looks like your situation is very similar to mine.

Hey Matthew. My physician and team are currently out of Stanford (Stanford Clinic is still on their literature and scripts) at a new oncology ENT group at Valley Center (nr. 280 and Bascome). Curious about your chemo treatment and radiation effects.

Steven,

Like you I needed to learn every thing I could about cancer and how I got it, and an in depth understanding of how the treatments actually worked. It really stressed me out and I had to go back to my bioengineering classes I took in undergrad to refresh how a CT/PET actually worked.

I know that no amount of people telling you to trust your doctors is going to convince you to do just that until you too come to the same conclusions after doing research with all available material.

I am sure you will dig in, lose yourself in it, stress the hell out of your Docs and come to the same conclusions. I was there 5 months ago. Bio and Chem were my least favorite, I preferred FIZZIX so I really had to crack some books.

When the Doctor was explaining the area of my throat that was affected Base of tongue and Tonsil ect. I said yes, yes the Waldeyer's ring. It really broke his spiel. He just paused, sat down, came to the conclusion it would be better for me to just ask questions... the poor guy looked like he was trying to pass his boards after the first hour

Best of luck on your journey, please ask any questions you can think of.