Glad to hear you are getting some space in between in between appointments. It really is impossible not to get jacked up before appointments. Mine have gone well, but I still feel vaguely nauseous when I go.

It's amazing that we just focus on doing what we need to do to get through it, then it hits you like a ton of bricks when it's all done and you really get a chance to think about everything that happened.

I went back and looked at my posts and I really struggled with coping around the same time frame, and felt very sorry for myself. I came here for a kick in the ass, and it worked, so I'm sure a support group will be lots of help!

Do not diminish your experience with something so scary. And, get rid of that word "SHOULD" from your language.

You feel the way you feel. You need to process that. Your fear is normal and expected and God knows that you will go through all of this.

Try to relax. Try some guided meditations - 20 minutes spent lying down with your headphones on can give you a whole day or two of more positive outlook.

In time, your experience will fade as different experiences crowd out this fear. Your two year old will get into the terrible two's, then the NO phase and next will be preschool and activities and there will come a point when something will bring you up short and all of the memories will come flooding back.

Consider the fear you feel now as a gift from God as you will be so much more aware and so much more understanding of how others feel when you hear the words "you have cancer". No one wants that diagnosis attached to THEIR name. You will know how that felt and you will be a better friend because of it.

For yourself - Remain vigilant, but not paranoid. That is a balancing act for sure!

Hugs, and go give that two year old a hug.

Donna

I totally understand what you're saying.

The amount of treatment is irrelevant. the fact that we are survivors is what is in the forefront of our minds. I am constantly reminded of the changes both physically and mentally. It's an every day challenge.

As we go through the appointments and "scanxiety", the challenges of reaching the "new normal", the fact we have been stricken by this awful disease remains. It's part of who we are and will be that way for the remainder of our lives.

I'm a musician and singer. The effects of cancer have impacted me greatly. As I've been practicing, I am again reminded of the last year and what this disease has done to me. I'm grateful to God for his mercy and grace. My faith has carried me when I had nothing else to carry me. Yet, like you, I have the same doubts and "scanxieties". It's only natural.

don't beat yourself up. I don't think it ever really goes away. How could it? I'm learning to embrace it as a part of who I am now. Just like my heart attacks and surgeries, it reminds me of the frailty of life and makes me appreciate the simple things.

Positive thoughts

"T"

Lori,

Not to diminish a bit what the others have said, the entire thread is full of wisdom, buuuuuuuut;

If I was you, I would print the two messages above mine and read them every day.

Good Luck,

Bart

Lori,

It's never insignificant when something like this happens. I heard a joke once that went "what's the difference between major and minor surgery? Major is when it happens to you." Friends and family may move on and think of it as a distant memory, but it in no way diminishes what you have gone through. It seems like everyone has already given you great advice. This is a process for sure and all of what you are experiencing is normal. I do hope that it gets easier as you have more time to process everything that you have been through.

Good luck with everything!

I just read this entire thread;) thank you! I just found out on Monday, was told that he seriously doubted it was anything to worry about, I went home thinking. It will be ok! He is a top dr in fairfax va, where I received my first biopsy.
I been on a roller coaster. I pray everyday, and I am doings best to have faith.