Maria,

Thanks for the advice -- my wife is already attending almost everything -- sooner or later she'll have to actually go back to work and then I'll be all bored and lonely at these appointments -- stupid work, stupid "making a living"

Thanks for the well-wishes!

Donna,

Hellion by name, Hellion by nature. I was born to fight -- this is just a different target. At least this one can't put me in lock-up or leave me in a parking lot that smells like vomit and urine! Yep, already quit smoking. Never smoked that much anyway, so it wasn't really that difficult, aside from using it as an excuse to get away from my desk for a few minutes.

I'm a pretty good eater now (:)) and I hope to keep it that way throughout -- one way or another!

I'm definitley going to recruit my friends for help -- I've never had a better excuse to let other people work on my behalf (just kidding, of course).

Thanks!!

The Hellion

Tony,

I am really hopeful that my body will react less violently to radiation than some. I know it's unlikely, but one never knows. I'm holding out hope that I get super-powers. It has to happen eventually. Obviously, the Wolverine's would be pretty handy right about now.

In general, despite my initial post, I'm pretty positive. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm worried about the pain and side-effects, but i'm not much of a quitter and I really have nothing to lose with this -- I know the outcome if I lose, so the onlyl real option is winning.

That said, I expect I'll have some pretty bad days. I think that's natural and probably quite fair. I have lived a life full of bad days, though, and I'm pretty sure I'll get through them. One thing I live for is to spit back in the face of adversity.

Thanks for the advice and well wishes, and importantly, the promise of support. I like the anonymoty of this medium -- it makes being a whiner just a little bit easier. Since I have no intention of accepting sympathy from anyone I know in person (it embarrasses me) I'll come here to whine. Since I know my sense of humor puts some of my mates off, I'll come here to tell my sick jokes (don't worry, I only make sick jokes about myself). When you guys tire of me, you can always put me on ignore!

The Hellion

Bart,

I appreciate your blunt approach -- it fits my style and I expect we will get on famously as a result.

Don't mistake my opening for weakness. I'm afraid -- this is going to be tough and painful for me an my family. I don't want to die now, but I know it's coming -- someday -- just not today. At least I get a chance to have some say in when.

When I question my strength, it's because I know this is going to hurt and I've never done anything like this before. As I've lived most of my life day-by-day anyway, I'll just have to do this as well. Not looking forward, and with no previous experience, I don't know how much I can take. I figure I'll have to take whatever they have to give, though, since them's the breaks.

I have no intention of losing this fight -- I just don't see it happening. I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself -- I think this is spectacularly unfair, all things being equal -- but I'm no fool. Life isn't fair and a lot of people have it a lot worse than me. I have a couple of life mottos, though -- and I've held them in the salt of my blood for most of my adult life:

"Crying out in fury to the gods of fate, come on and catch me if you can" -- OK, so don't throw down a wager to the gods -- got it.

The other one, though:
"Let's get one thing straight, I'll choose my fate and it's got nothing to do with you. "
Silly lyric from Judas Priest, but I apply it to all of my obstacles -- this one is no exception.

Thanks for the encouragement, though. I think we all need it, no matter how stubborn we are (and I'm pretty stubborn). I expect to have good days and bad days, good moods and bad moods. I love to fght, though, or at least, I hate to lose. I plan on winning this one, too.

The Hellion

Hellion,

Hou've definitely got the right spirit; and frankly, it's a delight to see it in action! You're also a good writer with a great sense of humor, I hope to see a lot more from you as you go through this!

Let me add, I don't see a scintilla of weakness in you, and that attitude will serve you very well throughout this rough patch of the pavement on the road of life.

Warmest regards,

Bart

I agree....you have it kicked part way already!!!

Hellion I found this forum after Googling T2N2B and found this thread. I read your introduction and it was startling how similar my story is. Same age, same stage, diagnosed at the same time. My radiation and chemo starts at the end of March. Its all a bit overwhelming, including the flood of support. Anyway without hijacking your intro thread too much, I just wanted to thank you for telling your story here, its good to know we are not alone.

Cheers
Dave (OzMojo)

Hellion...

I had the same SCC diagnosed last summer. Sage 4. 37 radiation treatment 7 Chemno. Could only do 5 chemo as I got so sick we had to back off. Lost 30 lbs in 3 weeks and had to have a PEG tube. That is the tough news. The good news is i was back to work within 2 weeks afetr I finished by raditation treatments and immediatelyafter that , i got the tube removed. 6 months cancer free now.

You keep positive and go through the treatments as it will be very difficult and you will get very sick, but you will get better and you can beat this too!

John H.

Thanks, Bart! I hope this is the right spirit -- maybe this is the one place where belligerent stubbornness is actually of value!

The Hellion

OzMojo,

I read your nitro -- sounds like we are indeed quite similar!

Tell you what, I start on the 31st with Cisplatin and my first radiation (70 gy). Three total "big bag" chemo and 7 weeks if radiation. Let's keep each other posted -- it will be interesting to have a comfortable "partner in crime".

Thanks for sharing your story as we'll -- let's beat this thing together on opposite sides of the globe!!

The Hellion