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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 151
terrib Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 151
My-husband-had-his-20-month-post-treatment-CT-scan-this-week.Met-with-the-chemo-doctor,everything-looked-great.Next-day-met-with-the-ENT-and-he-said-there-was-a-.8x.4cm-lateral-lesion-along-the-right-lateral-wall-of-the-trachea-at-T3-vertebra-level.He-said-they-would-be-bringing-it-up-at-the-tumor-board-yesterday.

Received-the-call-from-the-nurse-and-they-want-to-do-a-biopsy.Only-avaialable-date-is-day-after-Christmas-or-January-20th.I-said-noon-after-Christmas-would-work.

Next,I-come-downstairs-and-my-husband-asks-what-they-said.I-hope-I-did-the-right-thing.I-LIED!!There-is-no-way-I-am-ruining-his-Christmas.The-kids-are-all-here-and-the-relief-on-his-face-showed-me-I-made-the-right-choice.

Now-the-problem,when-the-scheduling-nurse-called-back-she-said-surgery-at-7:30-and-be-there-at-5:30.We-are-3-hours-away-so-with-the-chance-of-bad-weather-this-means-leaving-the-night-before(Christmas-Day.So-with-all-the-family-still-here-I-will-have-to-tell-him-by-5-so-we-can-pack-and-make-it-to-the-Hope-Lodge-before-curfew-at-10.

OK,caregivers-and-patients,did-I-make-the-right-decision.There-is-no-way-I-could-wait-a-month-for-a-biospy.I-can't-talk-to-the-kids-or-my-parents,don't-want-to-ruin-the-next-few-days.

I-am-praying-this-will-be-nothing.I-am-optimistic,first-time-2-years-ago-I-was-very-optimistic-until-they-said-cancer-and-I-had-to-apologize-to-my-husband-for-not-taking-believing-it-could-be-something-serious.

Just-something-they-need-to-look-at-since-the-ENT-could-not-see-it-during-the-scope.He-is-doing-too-well-to-be-getting-sick-again.Crazy-thing-is-it-was-there-6-months-ago-on-the-scan-and-never-mentioned-or-checked.They-did-say-it-was-a-little-bigger-6-months-ago-least-it-has-not-grown.

Thanks-for-letting-me-vent.I-am-the-type-that-tends-to-talk-things-out-to-no-end-when-dealing-with-frustrations.Now-I-can't-say-a-word-and-am-dreading-telling-him-Christmas-afternoon.

Yep,I-KNOW-it's-not-cancer-till-they-say-it-is-but-try-telling-my-husband-that!!

Paul,or-anyone-else?Any-idea-what-the-nodule-on-the-trachea-could-be?His-original-cancer-was-of-the-right-vocal-cord-so-is-that-area-close.Hopefully-side-effect-from-radiation.

Sorry-about-the-dashes-between-words.My-space-key-quit-working.Maybe-my-ex-GEEK-Squad-son-will-be-able-to-fix-it.


Husband diagnosed Oct '11 Cancer of the vocal cord Nov '11 removed right vocal cord. Neck Dissection, cancer in one node, .2, very small & contained) Jan '12 Radiation and Cisplatin, 6 doses. June '12 & Dec '12 clear Pet scan. April '13 Celebrating 1 year cancer free since treatment ended.
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Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
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Sorry to hear your Christmas spirit has been dampened a bit. I think you did what you felt was best and I admire you for shouldering the burden in hopes the holiday cheer won't be ruined.

Try to enjoy the family time as it is always precious. Best wishes for some good news on the biopsy. It could be some scar tissue, burned up glands or a host of things.


SCC Stage IV, BOT, T2N2bM0
Cisplatin/5FU x 3, 40 days radiation
Diagnosis 07/21/03 tx completed 10/08/03
Post Radiation Lower Motor Neuron Syndrome 3/08.
Cervical Spinal Stenosis 01/11
Cervical Myelitis 09/12
Thoracic Paraplegia 10/12
Dysautonomia 11/12
Hospice care 09/12-01/13.
COPD 01/14
Intermittent CHF 6/15
Feeding tube NPO 03/16
VFI 12/2016
ORN 12/2017
Cardiac Event 06/2018
Bilateral VFI 01/2021
Thoracotomy Bilobectomy 01/2022
Bilateral VFI 05/2022
Total Laryngectomy 01/2023
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Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
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I sorry Terrib. I wouldn't want to wait for a biopsy either, and you made the right decision, if that works for you both. I hope it's nothing. If it was bigger 6 months ago than now that may be a good sign.

Good luck with everything. Can everyone celebrate on Christmas Eve instead? That may help.


10/09 T1N2bM0 Tonsil
11/09 Taxo Cisp 5-FU, 6 Months Hosp
01/11 35 IMRT 70Gy 7 Wks
06/11 30 HBO
08/11 RND PNI
06/12 SND PNI LVI
08/12 RND Pec Flap IORT 12 Gy
10/12 25 IMRT 50Gy 6 Wks Taxo Erbitux
10/13 SND
10/13 TBO/Angiograph
10/13 RND Carotid Remove IORT 10Gy PNI
12/13 25 Protons 50Gy 6 Wks Carbo
11/14 All Teeth Extract 30 HBO
03/15 Sequestromy Buccal Flap ORN
09/16 Mandibulectomy Fib Flap Sternotomy
04/17 Regraft hypergranulation Donor Site
06/17 Heart Attack Stent
02/19 Finally Cancer Free Took 10 yrs






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Posts: 381
"OCF Canuck"
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"OCF Canuck"
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I personally would be very unhappy if this was kept from me. I understand your motivation, but if it were my husband who did that to me, I would have a hard time being ok with it. It's his treatment/health, and not your choice to make.

You obviously know him better than anyone here, so it's your call to make, but my vote is to tell him separate from the rest of the family, and let him choose who to tell.

A few months ago my CT showed an "anomaly". I had to get a follow-up CT in 3 months to compare, so it was stressful, but I would still prefer to know than not. Had that been kept from me, I would have been furious.


Tina
Diag: Aug. 13/12
T3N0M0
50% + glossectomy and bilateral radical neck dissection, removal of nodes zones I - V
Surgery October 11/12
Chemo/rad on hold due to clear margins and nodes
Sept 21/13 clear CT with anomaly thought to be the artery, being watched closely.
Dec 16/13 - anomaly confirmed artery, all clear
nickname: "get 'r done"
Plans: kick cancer's butt
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,024
"OCF Kiwi Down Under"
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Oh Terri, I am really sorry to hear that you guys have this stress at Christmas - or at any time.
You know Jeff best and you know how he would react.
Kris would have been furious with me for not telling him, especially as you can't really wriggle out of this as the time frame is so short.
When Kris was originally diagnosed 3 years ago, the ENT rang me to tell me the biopsy was positve for SCC. I did not tell Kris. The ENT told him a week later, pretending that I did not know either. I knew Kris would have been furious with me knowing and him not. In fact, Kris told me that he was going to the ENT appt by himself to get the results as this was about him. I replied that what happened to Him happened to Me. To this day Kris still doesn't know that I was aware of his diagnosis well before he was.
All this said Terri, if I was you, I would find a quiet time when you and Jeff can talk and I would tell him that his team is recommending a biopsy on the 26th. You just have to be honest and say your gut instinct was to protect him, that you wanted him to really enjoy Christmas with the Family. He will understand I'm sure.
Gosh, this is a hard one. Either way it will upset Christmas Day .
Do try not to preempt what this all means, it may well be nothing, but the Team is doing the best for Jeff by doing a biopsy. The good stuff is that this spot was seen on the previous scan and has not grown. I would be comforted by that.
In spite, of all this Terri, you will have a good Christmas surrounded by your Family and their love.
Tammy


Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!
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Terri,

I'm sorry to hear something was picked up on the scan. The good thing something was picked up on the scan so you can get ahead of it, whatever it may be. Sort of odd that this time they decide to biopsy it whereas they let it go 6 months ago and it has not grown. Better safe than sorry.

You know your husband best of all and the best judge of what do to in this instance. Do what is going to make him most comfortable about this situation, others are bystanders.

don


Don
Male, 57 - Great health except C
Dec '12
DX: BOT SCC T2N2bMx, Stage 4a, HPV+, multiple nodes
1 tooth out
Jan '13
2nd tooth out
Tumor Board -induction TPF (3 cycles), seq CRT
4-6/2013
CRT 70gr 2x35, weekly carbo150
ended 5/29,6/4
All the details, join at http://beatdown.cognacom.com
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 29
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Posts: 29
Sorry you're going through this. You are carrying a heavy burden by not sharing with others. We need help. This is a great website in which I can write my experiences and vent, but personally, I need hugs, a shoulder, an ear....Your family will also feel blessed that they can help because after all, it's not them suffering the immediate pain. Don't worry about ruining anyone's Christmas. They will feel bad if you don't tell them. Trust me!

My husband didn't want anyone to know, and I respected his choice. I told a couple of prayer warriors from my church, but the rest of the time I had a poker face. He told the children a few days before the surgery. They were very supportive and ready to help even tough it didn't get to that.

It's important to put yourself in your husband's shoes too. It's his life. He needs to know he has a part in managing it and making decisions. That's what I would prefer if it was me.

I pray that God illuminates your lives and decisions at every step, amen.












Patty / husband Dx with Stage 1 SCC
November '12, BOT ulcer
June '13, first biopsy-negative.
October '13, second biopsy-positive
November '13, second opinion at CCC, T1
December '13, partial glossectomy.
September '14, biopsy on lymph nodes, 1 tested positive.
October '14, right side neck dissection. 14 nods out, with only one affected.
November '14, T1N1M0 radiation in the recommended by oncologist
December '14, radiation treatment

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Posts: 805
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I can't believe you haven't called me!!!!!


Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14
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"OCF Down Under"
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Sorry you're going through this.

I agree with Tina's comments. As a patient I would be very upset and angry if my spouse kept information about my health from me.

Karen


46 yrs:
Apr 07-SCC 80% entire tongue removed,T4N1M0
Neck/D,Jaw Split, Trache 2 ops,PEG 3.5yrs
30 x rad,6 x Cisplatin,
30 x HBO
Apr'08- flap Recon + ORN Mandibulectomy
(hip bone to reconstruct jaw)
Oct'08 1 Plate out-jaw
Mar'09 Debulk flap
Sep'09/Jan&Nov'10/Feb&Jun'11/Jan&Jul'12/Oct'13/April'14-More surgery
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,671
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Terrib - Of course you know your husband better than anyone here and can probably judge his reactions, so these are just my thoughts for whatever they are worth:

If you DO tell him, I would start with all the positives, i.e. it's just something the doctors want to check, it hasn't grown any so they just want to be sure with a biopsy. It's not cancer until a biopsy says it is. And you can leave it up to him whether he wants others to know. That way he still has some measure of control. With Christmas so close, you can keep him busy until biopsy time.

If you do NOT tell him, you may risk his not believing you whenever anything else comes up in the future. When my son was in treatment, I always told him the truth, but when Rads ended and we were just going to Dr. appointments, he reached a point where he did not want me to go with him. I don't know if he had doubts about my telling him everything or he just wanted to exercise his prerogatives as an adult - which he had a perfect right to do.

Because you and your husband know each other so well, you may also be communicating by non-verbal means. A certain look or expression on your face or other body language may give away what you are feeling. (Unless you are a very good actress).

If it were me, I would want to know the truth. With the truth you are better able to fight the fight and do what you have to do to survive.


Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)



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