Colleen, the 50 lb weight loss does not sound good at this juncture. Is there a dietitian, a doctor or a nurse case manager who can talk to your husband about the importance of taking in enough supplement everyday? This way, it is doctor's orders to the patient and not you nagging him some more. It can be really frustrating when as the caregiver, we feel our efforts to help the patient are being obstructed by the very person himself/herself. Can he understand that yes while he is the patient and it is his body, whatever decision he makes has a huge impact on your emotional well-being and your future as well? Can you talk to him about these things when you catch him in a more receptive mood?

Colleen - I can SO relate to what you are experiencing. . . it's like walking on egg-shells, not knowing what to say that might set him off or how to say it. I will never forget how rough it was on my son. I tried every way I could think of to help him find some things he could control . . . like "do you want chicken broth or beef broth?" or giving him 1,2, 3 choices so he could hold up one, two or three fingers when it was too painful to talk. I couldn't get him to come and stay with me at at my house because of his feeling of loss of control of his own place and having to tell his friends he was living with his mother. (I told him he could tell them I was living with him but that didn't impress him). At one point, I finally exploded and told him that I was doing everything I could to help him survive (driving to appointments, picking up prescriptions, laundry, cleaning, phone calls, food prep, errands, paying bills, and litter pan duty for 3 cats, etc. etc) and I felt he could at least help me out a little with doing what he needed to do for his own care. He did try a little after that. I'm not saying it's time for the Nurse from Hell to make an appearance, but if you think it could work, you could try it. You can always ask for forgiveness later. Your feelings and well-being are important, too. Don't worry too much about the glares. Everyone here is smiling at you, cuz you are a great caregiver.

Tomorrow depending on labs we are to be admitted for final chemo, and final RT is weds! I plan on updating his doc and PA while we are in re his only taking two cans of the six prescribed fdgs. I did put my mean nurse hat last nite,when he refused any more of the fdg.....today he actually took four cans... Progress? He has not used fluoride trays, have no idea if he is taking his meds, he wont try the suction machine, prefers to run to bathroom. he had been resistant to using water pik too,bit i briefly told him how to use, filled it, and put a stickie on it that said "Try me " and well now I hear him using it frequently now....everything is a struggle.

Wow, Colleen - that is progress! I love your creativity in putting a little stickie on the water pik saying "Try me"! That way it's the water pik telling him what to do and not you!

It's progress, definitely. Hopefully, after the doctor's visit, he will come to his senses and be more co-operative. One time I was with my husband in the Radiation Nursing Clinic and we overheard a doctor saying to a patient in the next cubicle, "If you don't eat, there's nothing I can do for you." It was that blunt.

Sorry to hear your patient can be so stubborn. Love the stickie idea!!! Keep up the great work!

Honestly you are doing a great job. Please don't be too hard on yourself. As you can see, we've all been there, whether patient or CG. Good job hanging on!!
Kathy

So we completed tx yesterday,and he rang the bell formally signaling tx complete! Was wonderful to leave, some sadness leaving some of the other pts/ families behind. Promised to keep all in our prayers. So trying to get him started with good habits with his diet/ nutrition. While in patient PA told him it was ok if he couldn't get up to the 6 cans yet.. Wanted her to be a little tougher like the dietician was! I need to keep track of his intake closely as his recovery is the goal....made a informal intake log. Hoping he would buy into it knowing/ seeing the daily goals.....so far only me filling out....however, I successfully got 52 ounces water in him,he didn't feel like doing any of the feeding today because he felt bloated.(so I know I'll probably hear from some in disagreement), but while he was sleeping, I was able to sneak in 3 cans..... I feel I did pretty good . He didn't do that bad either. Up for short period on computer, took his shower and did some correspondences he needed to do...no growling ! he looked pretty good today. Tomorrow we start our hydration days so that will help too. Hoping this will get him over the hump and kick start his recovery.....can hardly believe this was day 1 -Recovery Phase !

Wooo-Hooo!!!! Congrats on finally ringing the bell!!!! Im sure it was a great accomplishment for you both.

You are doing such a great job with your care giving. Im impressed how you snuck 3 cans in while he slept. Very crafty! Make sure if you do that your husband is laying with his head inclined or it could cause a problem with the formula causing aspiration. That darn PA! They shouldnt be talking about dietician things, they should be backing up the dietician.

Hydration is a very good experience, at least it was for me. I would walk out of there feeling so much better. Please check back in with me and tell me if the hydration had the same effect on your husband.

Best wishes with everything.

Congratulations!