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ChristineB #164581 05-05-2013 11:00 PM
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I have no idea what to say, and there is no way to alleviate the grief many including myself are feeling. I know many of the olds timers here are horribly affected by his passing, but make no mistake he will be missed by all.... frown hugs and love and RIP charm.


Cheryl : Irritation - 2004 BX: 6/2008 : Inflam. BX: 12/10, DX: 12/10 : SCC - LS tongue well dif. T2N1M0. 2/11 hemigloss + recon. : PND - 40 nodes - 39 clear. 3/11 - 5/11 IMRT 33 + cis x2, PEG 3/28/11 - 5/19/11 3 head, 2 chest scans - clear(fingers crossed) HPV-, No smoke, drink, or drugs, Vegan
ChristineB #164595 05-06-2013 08:23 AM
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for tom's family, christine and ocf friends, my deepest sympathies. sadly i read this the day my mom had a (surprise) cancer surgery at the same ccc my dad now celebrates 2 years out, and it reminds me how important it is *where* you are treated and knowing as much as possible.

charm's voice was spot on, no bs...i liked it even though it scared me into learning more.

there are a few good things about this experience. you see the best in people. it humbles you. you cherish time.

Last edited by Caco; 05-06-2013 08:25 AM.

Caco
CG to Dad. Biopsy 5/11 non-op, SCC stage IV poorly dif at base of tongue with nodes, quit smoking in '85, ChemoRad began 8/2/11 ended 9/22/11 with NED. Distant mets 11/11, clinical trials. War raging on!
ChristineB #164602 05-06-2013 12:34 PM
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I have cried as if I knew Charm personally, and in a way, I guess we all did. He was brilliant, helpful, and clever on this forum, as I'm sure was true in all aspects of his life.

Lottie



CG to husband, dx @ age 65, nonsmoker/social drinker. Dx 5/08 SCC Stage IV, BOT T1N2aM0. 33 IMRT - completed 9/12/08. Induction Chemo (Cisplatin, Taxotere & 5FU), plus concurrent Cisplatin.
1/09 PEG removed; 5/09 neg PET/CT; 5/10 PET/CT NED
Dental extraction & HBOT 2013; ORN 2014; Debridement/Tissue Transfer & HBOT 2016
ChristineB #164605 05-06-2013 04:38 PM
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Posts: 2,671
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I keep coming back here to feel the caring we all had for Charm and for any comfort we can give to each other. Charm helped us and inspired us all in so many different ways. His passing leaves a void . . . and a reminder to hold our loved ones a little closer and as Caco says . . to cherish time.
Still, a voice inside of me keeps crying out. . . . Charm! you left us way too soon!


Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)



ChristineB #164622 05-07-2013 08:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,406
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We lost one of the very best.


David 2
SCC of occult origin 1/09 (age 55)| Stage III TXN1M0 | HPV 16+, non-smoker, moderate drinker | Modified radical neck dissection 3/09 | 31 days IMRT finished 6/09 | Hit 14 years all clear in 6/23 | Radiation Fibrosis Syndrome kicked in a few years after treatment and has been progressing since | Prostate cancer diagnosis 10/18
ChristineB #164625 05-07-2013 09:34 AM
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Bev has asked me to post this thank you on the forum.....


I write this with a heavy heart. Finding the right words has been difficult. I am so devastated over Tom's death. I had hoped that he could have hung on longer even though I could see that he was spending more and more time in bed. Hope and a lot of denial!!!

My son and I have been walking around in a daze this past week. My future daughter-in-law was our rock this week. She got the ball rolling and did everything that needed to be done. We are so thankful and grateful to have her in our lives. I was with Tom at home while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. I was able to hold him, kiss him, comfort him, and tell him what a wonderful husband and father he had been to myself and our son over the years. I wasn't sure if he could hear or understand what I had just said, so I asked him if he heard me and he shook his head yes. After the paramedics took over that was my last contact with him. His lungs had filled with blood and he had stopped breathing. I watched the paramedics in the back of the ambulance trying to keep him alive with CPR. Tom died shortly after we arrived at the hospital.

His funeral mass yesterday was beautiful and gave us all a sense of closure. I feel that Tom is in heaven now and at peace. No more illness and constant pain and worry. The night before he died neither one of us slept well that night and each time we wokeup we held hands until we both fell back asleep. Tom put up a courageous fight for 5 1/2 years. I admire him for that. I don't know if I could have done what he did. I know that a lot of that ability he had to maintain a positive attitude and keep fighting especially during his third round of treatment came from all of the wonderful love and support that he got from our OCF friends. I am so grateful that he had all of you and I thank you all for your constant support . He not only fought to stay alive for himself and his loved ones here at home but for all of you too on OCF. He cared a great deal about being a positive influence for all of you so you all could fight back too. It meant a lot to Tom to be able to reach out to all of his OCF friends and give back his love and support too for all of you.

Tom and I have shared many tears over the years for the passing of other OCF members and also for all of the other members dealing with difficulties and heartaches as well as their families. We enjoyed meeting other OCF members at the Oral cancer walks and have cherished their friendship and support. Even though Tom and I would have liked to get to know more members of OCF personally, I still feel like you are all part of my special family. My heart goes out to all of you on OCF too because you've all lost a special friend and his love and support. I want to thank you all for your donations to the Tom Baker Memorial. I hope that one day in the future we will be able to prevent other people from having to endure the same ordeal that we have all had to suffer through as an oral cancer patient and the oral cancer caregivers. I want to thank the other caregivers on OCF too for your support for me and our family members (my son, future daughter-in-law and myself have read your online words of support in the guestbook). I was Tom's caregiver over the years and I know how difficult, stressful, as well as how painful emotionally it is see a person you love have to endure so much pain and disability. Many of you have lost your loved one too so I know I'm not alone. I feel for the first-time caregivers who are just joining OCF. It's scary. Hang in there.

Thanks too for all of the love and support from our special friends, Christine from PA (we hung out together at two Oral Cancer Walks) and Eric from Idaho (we hosted Eric at our home for a couple of nights and got to know him personally while he was visiting Washington, DC with Brian on business with NIH). This is getting long and now I'm rambling. Thank you all soooooo much. Life goes on and somehow my son, Tom, and I will find our way after our grieving period. Tom would want us to get back into life and find joy again.

Best regards,
Beverly Baker






If you would like to read Charm's obituary and sign his guest book, here is the link. There are only about 20 signatures on the guest book and about 17 of them are from OCF members. It takes about 24 hours for your message to appear. It means alot to Bev to see these messages so if you havent written yet, please try to soon.

Tom Baker's Guest Book (for Charm)


If you would like to read more in depth about Charm's life or to donate to the Tom Francis Baker Memorial Fund, here is the link.

The Thomas Francis Baker Jr OCF Memorial Fund(Charm)


Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to post on these threads. Im sure one day Bev will be able to come here and read all the kind messages everyone has written. She will see how much her husband was loved from people around the world. He touched thousands of patients lives and will never be forgotten.



Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
ChristineB #164626 05-07-2013 10:57 AM
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Thank you, Christine, for posting that for Bev. It was wonderful and sad reading what she wrote straight from her heart. Please tell her how much we appreciate her message. Also, if you would, please post her address so we can send her a personal sympathy card. Bev is blessed to have you for her friend, and you are blessed to have her for your friend. Thanks again,
julieann


Julieann
Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer smile
ChristineB #164629 05-07-2013 12:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
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Thanks SO much for posting Bev's note.
I really miss the old Frack, preparing and posting message, excited to hear his response, but now knowing I won't see his messages pop up is really quite just plain sad.
don


Don
Male, 57 - Great health except C
Dec '12
DX: BOT SCC T2N2bMx, Stage 4a, HPV+, multiple nodes
1 tooth out
Jan '13
2nd tooth out
Tumor Board -induction TPF (3 cycles), seq CRT
4-6/2013
CRT 70gr 2x35, weekly carbo150
ended 5/29,6/4
All the details, join at http://beatdown.cognacom.com
ChristineB #164630 05-07-2013 02:11 PM
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I cant post Bev's address on the forum for privacy reasons. If there is anyone who would like to send her a sympathy card, send me a PM and I give you the address.



@ Julieann, I emailed you her address yesterday. If you havent received it please let me know.




Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
ChristineB #164644 05-07-2013 07:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,671
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
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Thank you, Christine for posting Bev's note. How kind it was of her to think of us and to share with us the last tender moments she shared with Tom. I miss him so much.


Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)



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