Hi Cally, everyone above gave great advice. Martin towards the end of treatment went quiet. Didn't moan or anything (which was worrying, he always moans about something), but before tbat he went through a mean phase too. I could keep him fed and watered and make surei looked after him and took him to his treatments, put him on the nebulizer. But I did really know how to deal with what was going on in his mind. I think he should have seen a councillor, to vent some fears and anger. Even Martin now says he should have done then. Your bother might halso be having trouble dealing with everything and is taking it out on the closest people to him. Maybe you could suggest talking to someone, he'll probably say no to start with but suggest again. It might help. Good luck.

I am a survivor and I can relate. I through my paper across the room and I don't remember it. The nurse told my mother I had a bad night, I was in ICU, and I was given a clip board to write on. My left arm was in cast and stuck in that blue thing to hold it up straight. I only had my right are and trying to hold the clip board and write was soooo frustrating. Some nurses are so caring and would hold it for me and others would just ignore my struggle. Anyway, I accused this person of making it up, I would never do something like that and I do not remember doing it. It was definately meds that allowed me to behave so terribly.

On a different note, my mother was my caregiver, shes older and does not handle stress well at all. She would come into my room telling me all about her fight with my daughter and blah blah blah. Please remember that the patient is dealing with things you will hopefully never understand. She would stress me out so badly, I would literally want to plug my ears. The gossip and the judging that came from my large family was unbearable, It damaged a few relationships permanently, and I don't feel that I can discuss my story with my family. Please don't think you know how the patient should cope, this horrific disease does not come with instructions. One sister, sent me two letters 6 months after my radiation with the "tough love", telling me to quote, "get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself", unquote. I was having panic attacks and severe depression, remember, your survivor is going through hell, they are having to say goodbye to the "old them" and coming to terms with the "new them", they are trying to cope with the "new normal" that they now have to live with. No, he should not be mean to anyone, EVER, I'm simply suggesting that you talk to him, not at him, talk to his doctors, and most importantly, try to find out if he's depressed or has any issues that you are not understanding. Most importantly, do not judje him, he is coping to the best of his ability. Mental issues are a big area of concern with this type of cancer.