So here I am almost a year later and such a sad sack. I was feeling great because I'm mostly back to "normal". Eating real food although several foods still present a challenge, gained some weight back. But we started putting the Christmas decorations up and I got really sad. I don't know if its because we're getting close to my one year anniversary or I'm still haunted by the what ifs but its almost like my mind is saying "step back, don't get too involved, this might be the last one"
And now I'm dealing with vertigo and dizzy spells I'm convinced are from radiation.

I am so sorry that you are saddened by the holidays. This should be a time to rejoice and be thankful for all that is. I hope you can find joy in your heart for you are nearing the one year mark. YEAH! And all is well. Live like you mean it. Happy Holidays!

As my husband has told me numerous times, "each day is a gift". I tend to dwell on the what if's more than I should and I know I should take his advice. Even without cancer we should live each day knowing it can all change in just a matter of seconds.

Everyday is a gift - absolutely - two weeks from now it will be the 2 yr anniversary of my dx... Dec 20 - dismal Christmas mostly I enjoyed it with family but was scared it would be my last. I still have those days of fear. But perspective helps a little. You have todays- no one has a guarantee of a tomorrow - cancer or not. Enjoy now - it will get easier in time to plan for the not so distant future. Took me a while and i still have those moments - but really love the people you share your life with, enjoy your pets, children, and friends. Live your today. Do what you can to try and stave off a recurrence then accept that you have done what you can the rest is up to fate don't let cancer steal your joy.

Ps the vertigo and dizzy can be a fallout from rads. I still have those moments of dizziness - it can also be hypetensiveness or even not enough iron...
Hugs!

Your screen name is Winteriscoming, is it due to its like or dislike? Winter blues is very common, possibly due to the lack of sunshine, other thoughts. Maybe have your vitamin D levels checked, and tell the doctor about the dizzy spells, which can be many things, even inactivity. If these blues impact your daily life, maybe see a professional. Good luck.

If you had a signature it would be alot easier for other members to offer info and support. Ive asked before to add one, it really will benefit you. It makes it much easier for others to know where you are coming from and offer guidance.

Dear Winter,
Sometimes I feel like it's my RIGHT to be depressed around ANY holiday. I was diagnosed on Valentine's day, been single for way way WAY too long, 1st 2 teeth broke out (lost 6 so far) on 4th of July, was told a few weeks ago that Eritux hasn't been working for me for quite some time and my tumor has almost doubled in size, and, to steal the show-it began to hurt somewhat constantly on Christmas day.
But you know what? Sunsets are still occasionally spectacular, mornings are still occasionally inspirational, I still get a lump in my throat NOT from cancer when I listen to my nephew describe how excited he is (and how well he's doing) in school, and my cat is still overjoyed to have a great place to curl up when I sit down to read with a blanket.
Life is good. Life is fun. I just came across someone's signature quote (sorry don't know who) that says in part, "don't let cancer steal my JOY"!!!! That is becoming my life motto for the next little while!
Love to all!