Amylynn,
Kathy mentions crying in the shower ... I got pretty good at doing it while driving during my darkest days. Have to keep your eyes open, though.

I have found that reading poetry helps me deal with emotions. The earliest poetry that we have - Chinese and Hittite poetry going back thousands of years gives voice to joy and sorrow, hope and despair. I am not a conventionally religious person, but I do not believe that love and beauty of spirit are ever wholly lost. There is love and strength to find in poems, in religious works, in the words and glances between father and daughter.

You are doing your best - all that is humanly possible to help your father fight this thing. You cannot, however much you wish, return youth and health. You can bring love and meaning and solace in the days ahead.
Maria

Thank you everyone for your help and support. This forum is amazing. I see my dad every chance I get and I am cherishing those moments with him.

Thank you everyone for your support. This forum is awesome.

Hi Amy! I am so sorry to hear what you and your dad are going through. Cancer is truly evil, and from what I've learned over the course of my adulthood, having a mother who battled both breast and oral cancer, OC can be extremely aggressive.

I just joined last night as I was seeking help and support myself. My mom passed away last week from oral cancer. Her diagnosis was only last August. After surgery and treatment we thought (hoped) she was in the clear, but only 6 weeks after her last treatment we found a lump on her rib and knew it was back, or as someone else said, had never really been gone in the first place. My mom's spread everywhere, so quickly, her bones, lungs, and liver, and who knows where else that we didn't see on the scan. She would have tried any treatment given the opportunity but the doctors didn't think she would be able to withstand more chemo being so frail already.

I am happy to hear your dads doctors are giving him options and a chance to fight this beast. It is the scariest most heartwrenching thing anyone can experience... for both patient and caregiver... and I can honestly say it has changed my life. I too am trying to find a way to cope with all of this, so you have a buddy right here if you want to do this together!

I'll be praying for you and your dad and sending you all the healing and positive thoughts in the world. Stay strong for him and absolutely spend every moment you can with him. I ended up taking a leave of absence from work for my moms last two weeks and it is the single best decision I have ever made. Make sure you say all the things you have ever wanted to say to eachother because if/when treatment works, you will value your relationship on an incredibly deep level. And god forbid the treatments don't work, you will have no regrets, only memories of a great love and respect for the man who helped give you life.

Aimlee,
Thank you so much for your response. Thank you for saying that you are here if I want to go through this together. I may just take you up on that.

I go through stages of numbness, anger, hurt, sadness, all in one. I have worn myself out because I do not sleep much. I also hate saying goodbye to him when I have to leave him because I am so afraid that it will be the last time. I am so angry at the doctors for saying he just had an infection and it turned out that the cancer came back.

I am sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I am so sorry about your mom. I wish we could find a cure for this thing.

Thanks so much, Amy. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced and I don't even know where to begin to get through this. This forum has been amazing, such caring supportive people. And I'm glad I found you because I do think we can help eachother.

I absolutely understand all the feelings you are experiencing right now. The numbness unfortunately didn't last very long for me. Sometimes I think I wish I could get back to that so I don't have to feel the pain and sadness anymore. The anger is something I think we all carry to some degree, and it may never go away... because it is so incredibly unfair that there is a disease this evil that is taking us and our loved ones and there is still no cure!

Amy, you keep doing what you are doing. Take care of yourself in the process of taking care of your dad. And take the time to share your feelings because even though it may feel like you are alone (because I know I sure do!), you aren't alone here AT ALL. I don't plan to leave this forum for a while... it has given me more peace of mind than anything else thus far.

Keep me posted on how things are going, or even drop a line if there is nothing new to report. I'll be on here every day...