My name is Jody and 8 months ago I went through surgery to remove a stage 3 squamous cell tumor from my tongue. 7 days ago I just got done with another surgery to remove a tumor from my neck on the same side. My original surgery involved reconstruction of my tongue from a piece of my forearm, skin grafts, a trache, a modified radical neck dissection, and a feeding tube for 6 weeks. My recent surgery was another modified radical neck on the original incision but was much easier than the first surgery but now I have to start radiation. I've always been an athletic guy and the doctors told me that being in good shape helped me heal very quickly and get back to the sports I love to be involved in. I was also in college in order to get my engineering degree. I was wondering if anyone has any experience with lack of motivation to do anything or care about getting things done in life ??
It seems like I dont care about things as much as I used to and work/working-out were things that kept my mind off what had happened. I ended up spending too much time doing both and my personal life as well as school has suffered greatly (failed a class and lost my girlfriend. I kind of feel like my motivation and happiness are gone, like I just dont care that much now. Has anyone gone through this and how did they get over it ?

I forgot to include: after my first surgery I had went through 3 scans (2-3months apart) and they all came up clean, I thought I was in the clear. This last tumor basically popped-up in about 6 weeks before surgery, now Im very worried that tumors will just keep coming more often. I dont know the pathology yet but chemo may still have to happen.

Hi Jodezilla
Your life changed the day you were diagnosed and all things take on a different meaning. It is no surprise that your priorities have changed.

Please know that what you are feeling is not uncommon and I would strongly suggest you get help. What sort is hard to determine when we don't know you and don't know so many details of what you have been through as well as your sense of self before cancer (BC).

However, here are some things to consider:
Time - give yourself some time to get used to what has happened to you. You need to accept that what you are feeling is to be expected and anyone who doesn't realise this needs educating.
Counselling - talk to someone who can help you through this difficult time and maybe suggest some strategies that are relevant to you. Consider that you might be suffering something akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which is now well documented in people who have survived any sort of catastrophe.
Medication - it certainly sounds on the surface like you may be suffering from depression. Very common for people who have come through what you just have.

My Alex had a stage IV cancer, was an electrical engineer who was highly social. For him, the loss of ability to earn, socialise due to speech and eating difficulties, and need to rely on others to help him was devastating. On top of this, he suffered changes from chemo and radiation which are likely to have thrown his normal chemical balance out as well.

Once he realised that the irritability, confusion, despondency, lack of motivation, fatigue etc were not things he could talk himself out of and may be part of an actual chemical imbalance, he tried antidepressants with great effect. In Alex's case he was (and still is) skeptical of counselling and unfortunately does not see talking as a possible solution (he views psychology as being right up there with astrology).

If you are not ready to talk to someone, at least come here and vent or get some ideas. But don't beat yourself up or think your reactions are abnormal, weak or peculiar in anyway. You are sooo normal.

Come back often and get support here at least

Karen

Hi there and welcome... Sorry you have to be here you sound quite young and there are a few of you here unfortunately. Radiation will be hard, but you have to get through it in whatever way possible. Use your sports etc... To help you take your mind off what's going on sometimes distraction isn't a bad thing you may not be able to work out for too long into the rads process but even a walk or two a day is beneficial to healing and treatment.

Lack of motivation is hard to overcome. I think a lot of it has to to with fear... Why should I since my future isn't guaranteed? OC forces you to put your life on hold, and focus on cancer... I got around that by continuing to do the things I had to (general care housework etc) and enjoy... I read a lot, walked my dog and tried not to give cancer any more power over my future than I had to. I even went to the gym, and on vacation after my surgery and before my treatments began. It was still hard for me to look to the future for a very long time... Even now some days... I say - if everything is okay... Then I'm going to do this... But I still make plans and do what I want - cancer can be a thief - don't let it take away your aspirations.

Sorry about the girlfriend but right now you need to focus on getting better and treatment.

There are no guarantees with cancer - you could do everything right - eat right - exercise - knock off the bad habits and it could still happen to you... It's random and non discriminatory. The best you can do is do what ever you can to try and prevent another recurrence - get treatment (at the best place with the best drs.) - force yourself to do everything possible to heal and limit the side effects - eat properly... Etc... And of course educate yourself on your treatment - once you've done everything you can you have to leave the rest up to fate. I remind myself that yes I've had cancer - I could have a recurrence, but I could also get hit by a bus, or shot walking down the street. We give ourselves the best chance for survival, and then have to look past that at some point.

I had a similar surgery, tumor, treatment as you. Because you are young, and likely have no precursors for this disease - ideally treatment is first surgery - then depending on extent of lymph node involvement - rads and chemo. It's generally a decision the dr, makes based on experience. However I am reading more and more and realizing that not always but in most cases radiation and following treatment for an oral tongue tumor seems to be the way to go. Sometimes they will send you home after the surgery thinking they got it all but what happens is some of it is hiding in a node or skin (of the neck) and it may only be a few cells but that's enough (it's also dependent on how many nodes they removed in the initial dissection sometimes they don't take out enough) - so after they send you home another tumor pops up. (I've quoted this a few times... An oncologist once said - if it comes back this quickly it's not a recurrence - they didn't get it all in the first place. This sounds like what happened to you) hopefully now they removed enough nodes that you're clear, and rads and chemo will take care of any microscopic cancer that may be hanging around. Microscopic cancer doesn't show up on scans until it clusters and becomes an actual tumor or takes over a node.

Radiation is aimed at specific areas while chemo is systemic - and hopefully mops up any cells hanging around that are bad.

Please focus on yourself and healing and set aside the other stuff for now, but do the things you enjoy as long as they don't hinder your treatment. Eat up! Try to gain some weight - rads Is hard on the nutrition aspect of healing. Take care and we're here if you need us. Hugs!

Welcome to OCF. Sorry to hear you have also had a recurrence. Going thru a big surgery and the recovery should be more than enough for anyone. Ive gone thru it 3 times within 3 years so I know how you felt when it came back. I was quite shocked and almost decided to just give in and not attempt to fight it. But I am a single mother and I had to at least try to get thru it for my family.

While it isnt easy to get thru all of this and still have a positive outlook, it can be done. What helps to keep me going is that I reach out and help others. By helping others, it helps me to feel of value and it gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

One common problem that many cancer patients share is anxiety and/or depression. The lack of motivation you described could be a sign of you becoming depressed. Its perfectly understandable after what you have gone thru. It can feel overwhelming to alot of patients. Even caregivers sometimes reach out to a therapist or take anxiety meds. Many patients do too. Its not a sign of weakness, its just a tool to help get you thru this part of your life. The site is a great place to come to for help and to share your feelings. You can vent away and be met with warmth and understanding.

I wish you all the very best with everything you have going on right now!

thanks so much, it means more than you know. Im going to try to find a professional to talk to about the depression. Like klo's "Alex" being so surrounded with the hard sciences and math, Im mostly under the impression that psychology cant help me. But Im feeling that any answer is better than none at this point. Radiation starts next thursday, staples came out today and my Doc said that my pathology report mentioned none of the latest tumor branching out beyond the node that was removed. Hopefully, as Cherlyd said...the cancer has been now finally removed. Im changing my diet and bought a juicer so hopefully this will be the end of this crap.

I'm very grateful that you all took time to post in my thread, thank you. As isolated in this as I feel right now, I feel better when I see other people say "yes, this is the same way it happened to me"

Thanks, Jody

I've said before that I believe that most cancer survivors suffer post traumatic stress and your symptoms certainly seem to fit that profile. I have had times when I've had to force myself to go and do things that I used to enjoy and now it's almost like doing a chore. But I have gotten better about that, it just takes getting your body in motion, which is easier said than done. Radiation will take a lot out of you and you will probably be fatigued for a while but, as they say, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Best of luck and strength to you.

Jodezilla, One key thing you need to remember is that You run your life cancer doesn't. I went through the same type of surgery as you, I was in for 2 weeks. There were times when all I wanted to do was sleep and nothing else, but thank God my husband got me up & out of the house and back into the land of the living just by doing everyday things.

Everything will work itself out for you as it did for all of us, You are not alone in this fight we are here with you, to help you out in any way needed!!!!

It's All In The ATTITUDE!!!!

Caregivers go through the same thing. We don't have the exhaustion from the radiation/chemo, but the anxiety and depression is huge for us too. I have found that Xanax once a day now and then really is my friend. That and Lunesta to MAKE me sleep!
Hang in there and know we are all here for you!!
Kathy

Jody, you have my personal support, energy and every good vibe I can think of to send your way. This is extremely tough stuff and I know you'll get through it. Talking to some kind of professional counselor, in my opinion, is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself right now. Please keep us posted on this.

I went through years of depression pre-cancer, and therapy and Prozac - at the time the best drug available but now there are many better - was what saved my life.

I am available to talk to you any time you want, and/or to PM here at the forum.

Hang in there, buddy.

Thanks again everyone, your words help.

Im going to make an honest effort to find someone to talk to counselor wise. My friends are doing a good job of keeping me doing stuff and staying interested in school, but at night and the morning Im having trouble. Things are going better in the gym though, strength is returning and such. I dont feel defeated or like giving up the fight by any means, its just the dam un-motivated crap. Im going to take this summer off from school and hopefully that will help straighten me out some. My Mom has been right by my side through all of this , Im wondering if she should go with me to counseling or should she go on her own ?
I hated seeing her suffer through all this stuff with me, plus she takes care of my grandma who is slowly succumbing to dementia. I feel really bad that I cant make her life easier right now, she does so much and I really want to make things easier for her.

thanks again for your time,
-Jody

Jody - I am just sooo glad you found this place! So many thoughtful and practical suggestions above. My son went through some terrible depression and he had stuff to be depressed about even before his diagnoses of oral cancer. You mentioned your Mom and whether she should go with you to counseling. Perhaps you could discuss this with the therapist / counselor. There may be some times when you want to discuss things only with the counselor. I drove my son to all his appointments because with the meds he was on and the way he felt while going through radiation, driving was out of the question. I waited while he had his sessions with the therapist and after one session, he told me what the therapist said when my son had confided to him how badly he felt to be depending on his Mom so much for his care. Well, the therapist set him straight on that by comparing how he felt about his little 5-year-old daughter and asking him if he wouldn't do the same thing for her. I can tell you as a Mom, that being able to care for my son through all of his treatment is what helped me through the experience because it gave me something to do so that I could hold myself together and help my son fight the horrible thing that had attacked my son! I don't know how I could have survived myself if my son had someone else as his caregiver, having to sit back and worry and stress over everything. What you need to do is concentrate on YOU, right now and on the positive steps you are taking, like your decision to find a counselor you can talk to. It really does help to give you perspective on any situation. Psychology hasn't been around that long and only relatively recently has it been accepted in the medical field but it's like that with anything fairly new. Depending on how your Mom feels, she might benefit from talking to someone, as well. When my son, Paul had just started Rad Tx is when we first found out about this OCF forum and what help me so much was coming here every day and several times a day. So tell your Mom she would be most welcome to come here and see how other caregivers have been able to cope with this difficult journey.

Jody, so glad to hear you will seek out some one to talk to. I think its an important part of the recovery process. If your mom would go she probably would have her own private things she needs to address. Might be good to see seperate people.

Best wishes!