Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 15 of 21 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 20 21
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 280
CMMoore Offline OP
Gold Member (200+ posts)
OP Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 280
So, I didn't get as much talking out of him as I wanted... However, he did sit upright, took some drink, and ate 1/2 a yogurt. I have the radio playing his favorite music and I've been sitting in the bed next to him snuggled up rubbing his head and shoulders, singing and talking. It was priceless. I am much more at ease than the prior message. I do tend to share all the highs and lows with you all, no reason to stop now =)
Light rain is falling outside, windows are open, sleep just may come to me... Goodnight./ morning to all of you.


CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,671
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,671
Christine - Words just can't say how my heart is breaking for you right now. . . I hope that these few moments of peace and closeness will continue to comfort you and Matt and make the sadness a little easier to bear.


Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)



Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 493
Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Offline
Platinum Member (300+ posts)

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 493
God bless you, Chistine, as you continue your journey with your husband. You are an amazing woman. Be strong.


Female, nonsmoker, 70, diag. 5/09 after tongue biopsy: stage IV. Left hemi-gloss. and left selec. neck disec. 30 lymph nodes removed May 20. Over 7 weeks daily rads. with three chemo. PEG removed 12/4/09 Am eating mostly soft foods. Back to work 11/09 Retired 4/1/11. 7 clear scans! Port out 9/11. 2/13. It's back: base of tongue, very invasive
surgery involving lifestyle changes. 2/14: Now speaking w/Passey-Muir valve. Considering a swallow study. Grateful to be alive.
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 805
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 805
I wish some of us lived closer to you Christine. We would make sure you were not alone. We love you and are crying and aching for you. I hope somehow you feel our love. I'm so sorry.
Peace and love,
Kathy


Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 280
CMMoore Offline OP
Gold Member (200+ posts)
OP Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 280
Kathy I DO. I promise you that. That's what has kept me coming back here since 2009. I love you all, too.

My step daughters have been with me since about 1030 today. In lieu of anything else, they are just cleaning house. Spring cleaning, check! DONE. I still have to go through the garage, but the inside of the house (other than the teenagers room OMG!) will be finished. All they lack is mopping the floors and they are currently off to the store to get supplies and lunch.

Matt is doing well today. He is comfortable, awake, but distant. In that space of working things out on the inside.
I feel that he is definitely waiting for his sister to get here tomorrow. Anything beyond that only God knows. I feel like he has made such an improvement over the assessment of the hospice team on Friday (...was that really just yesterday????) morning.

I do have peace. I know that he loves me. I know that he can feel my love both in words and by how much I take care of him.
We saw a movie several weeks back, no clue what the movie title is or the exact quote, but a couple remarked that they would always KNOW the others love within even when they were separated by death. He looked immediately at me and said, I hope we have that, too. I believe we do.

I am somewhat .. well P'd off over a comment his older sister made regarding final arrangements. I don't have a plot yet. He knows this, our plan has been that I will find a totally awesome cemetery, one that people, like us, enjoy visiting just to check out the cool old stones there.... then I will buy a cremains bench so that people will have a nice place to sit and rest among their exploration... that's settled.
Sister in law states, I am SO young, I'll definitely remarry, I might as well use the 1/2 of his mothers plot that is empty since she was cremated, too.
Perhaps she meant is as one less thing I would have to worry about, but to me at the time it was a slap across the face.
To me, any man that is lucky enough to marry me in the future will know that if it weren't for this damn cancer, I would still be Matt's. They will accept my final placement, or pi** off.

The girls try to get me to rest, but I cannot. I feel like I don't want to miss being there with him right to the end. I am on a vigil with no end in sight just yet...

Then again... my eyelids are VERY tired just after taking time to get some of this out... Venting always helps.

Til' next time,
Mrs. Matthew Dale Moore


CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 805
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 805
You go Mrs. Moore. You are AMAZING!!


Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 945
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 945
What a wonderful man your Matt is, Mrs. Moore. Blessings on you both.


CG to husband - SCC Tonsil T1N2M0 HPV+ Never Smoker
First symptoms 7/2010, DX 12/2010
TX 40 IRMT (1.8 gy) + 10 Cetuximab
PET Scans 6/2011 + 3/2012 clear, 5 year physical exam clear; chest CT's clear of cancer. On thyroid pills. Life is good.
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 280
CMMoore Offline OP
Gold Member (200+ posts)
OP Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 280
Oh, such a struggle it must be to leave the known for that unknown journey. I imagine the struggle he must be having within.
The hardest part of this current time is seeing him dip to such lows and then recover to a reasonably familiar state. I almost cannot believe that Friday morning ever happened.
It's really weird how my concept of time is completely gone right now. Friday could have been a week ago and two weeks ago seems like yesterday.

I slept today and had terrible nightmares. The death happened over and over in various places and I would miss it, then I'd see him again and be SO happy, and then it would happen again.
I woke up very shaken and unsteady just in time to hear my phone ring... It was my Grandma and Papa. I don't talk to them nearly as often as I'd like to and haven't seen them since Christmas 2010, but my Grandma did comfort me much and tell me how sometimes you have to assure a person that those they love are going to be alright and that they can go. (Yeah... tried it and got told to GO AWAY)
Grandma then mentioned my son and I coming to stay with her in Albuquerque. I would of course love to. She has been through colon cancer and has lived with a colostomy for several years. She now has congestive heart failure and is not well enough to travel. My grandfather is in fair health as far as I know, but I am sure taking care of her has worn him down.
Perpetual care-giving was sure not my idea of the plan God has for me, but then again, it's not MY plan. It's HIS.

All of our suffering, our pain, our challenges, they prepare us for Gods plan. Never doubt that. Even if you aren't an avid believer, He is working in your life, He loves you, and He will lead you to your calling.

I will update you all as the journey continues.

Goodnight,
Christine




CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 58
Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Offline
Supporting Member (50+ posts)

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 58
Dear Christine,
I am SO sorry. I have been away from the OCF boards for awhile and was horrified to read your news about Matt. Your love is so strong and apparent, and he knows you are there with him, even during the not so lucid times. Matt sounds like a strong guy - much like my John. You have done an exemplary job of caregiving - the hardest thing I now realize anyone can do.
Peace and love to you both.
Hugs,



Bonnie

CG to husb John, 57, love of my life for 35 yrs.
Dx 2/10, T2N2cMx, SCC BOT & lymph nodes.
Non smoker. Biopsy HPV+.
No surgery - IMRT 35X + 7 chemos cleared BOT
9/10-mets to lungs.
2 rounds chemo, last one trial drug which did not work.

Lost the battle, but walking in Glory 9/7/11.
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 531
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 531
Your are doing wonderfully Christine, and I'm sure you can't sleep and no doubt having those crazy dreams/nighmares, because your mind knows this really is a nightmare for you. Death of a loved one is worst than a nightmare I believe. It tears your insides apart and just breaks your heart and in your mind you know they won't be in any more pain but you also do not want them to leave. I can't imagine but I am hoping in reading what folks have gone thru that when and if the time comes I will know what to expect and will most definately have the best team of supporters right here with you all.
God Bless


CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08
passed away 4.3.15, RIP Ron, you are greatly missed
Page 15 of 21 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 20 21

Link Copied to Clipboard
Top Posters
ChristineB 10,507
davidcpa 8,311
Cheryld 5,260
EzJim 5,260
Brian Hill 4,912
Newest Members
Jina, VintageMel, rahul320, Sean916, Megm37
13,103 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums23
Topics18,166
Posts196,921
Members13,103
Most Online458
Jan 16th, 2020
OCF Awards

Great Nonprofit OCF 2023 Charity Navigator OCF Guidestar Charity OCF

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5