| | Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 168 Senior Member (100+ posts) |  Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 168 | Sorry to be jumping in to this discussion late. Like you, I love the subject, and like you my partner and I are having our share of problems with sex that are tied to and not tied to my cancer and treatment... but that's another story all together. As for the question of your husband and oral sex... in the lesbian community something called "dental dams" became popular during the beginning of the AIDS pandemic as there was some evidence of the possibility of transmission via vaginal secretions. I have never actually used one but perhaps this might make your husband more open to engaging in oral sex. I am six months post treatment and, for me, the thought of giving oral sex just plain hurts. My mouth is still considerably compromised from treatment. I can imagine, though, that when it heals more I will want to resume giving oral sex, but I can also imagine some stress the first time. It doesn't really matter from whom one got the virus - at least that is how I feel - but the act could be a painful reminder of the misery the virus did cause. But that is just me. Here is a link I found doing a quick search for dental dams; http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/std/oral/dentaldam.html. Maybe this will help. -Michelle
SCC left tonsil, stage IV, HPV+, metastatic to one lymph node. Biopsy 12/23/10; tonsillectomy 1/13/11; DX 1/25/11; Peg in 1/28/11. Peg out 6/29. TX 1/31/11-3/21/11: 35 IMRT plus 3 Cisplatin. Pet-Scan 6/20/11 = CLEAR! Three years out, learning to live with the long-term side effects of radiation while reminding myself to feel blessed.
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 476 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | OP Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 476 | Thanks Michelle. I appreciate your input. Unfortunately things in the oral sex dept. remain the same. It might be childish on my part but I'm not going down until he does.  Unfortunately if you read the post I put up yesterday he is having some gum/jaw issues at the moment so I am not approaching the subject for now. In the grand scheme of things it probably isn't a big deal and does make me feel guilty whining about it when he has been through so much and continues to deal with issues post treatment.
Wanda (47) caregiver to husband John (56) age at diag.(2009)
1-13-09 diagnosed Stage IV BOT SCC (HPV+)
2-12-09 PEG placed, 7-6-09 removed
Cisplatin 7 weeks, 7 weeks (35) IMRT
4-15-09 - treatment completed
8-09,12-09-CT Scans clear, 4-10,6-11-PET Scans clear
4-2013 - HBO (30 dives) tooth extraction
10-2019 - tooth extraction, HBO (10 dives)
11-2019 - Left lateral tongue SCC - Stage 2
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 188 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 188 | like other folders, i offered to print out this one for my parents as they aren't that web savvy ...my Dad said, "can you give your Mother a copy soon" ;o)
(note to self, gotta find me a bike like sandy's)
Caco
CG to Dad. Biopsy 5/11 non-op, SCC stage IV poorly dif at base of tongue with nodes, quit smoking in '85, ChemoRad began 8/2/11 ended 9/22/11 with NED. Distant mets 11/11, clinical trials. War raging on!
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 168 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 168 | Talk to me about guilty and whiny... I feel that is my song and dance. In my case, the roles are reversed with me (the cancer patient/survivor) feeling guilty and whiny about pushing the sex issue (like, um, can we have some please) and my partner the hesitant one. And then me thinking: what's my problem, she did so much for me when I was sick, give her a break... and then the flip side, damn't all, I went through hell, let's have fun. But it's never as easy as that, right? Still, the dialogues in my head runs a little like that. It's hard to know what normal is going to look like for us. It sure doesn't feel like normal right now. Cancer does have a way of straining a relationship. Oh, and I forgot to mention in my last post that we asked the doctors - way back in the winter when this nightmare began - about sex and if we could "proceed as usual" and they said, yes, fine. There was no restraints on what we could or could not do. All situations are different, but you might find that useful. Be well. -Michelle
Last edited by Michelle Ann; 10-13-2011 01:39 PM.
SCC left tonsil, stage IV, HPV+, metastatic to one lymph node. Biopsy 12/23/10; tonsillectomy 1/13/11; DX 1/25/11; Peg in 1/28/11. Peg out 6/29. TX 1/31/11-3/21/11: 35 IMRT plus 3 Cisplatin. Pet-Scan 6/20/11 = CLEAR! Three years out, learning to live with the long-term side effects of radiation while reminding myself to feel blessed.
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 571 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 571 | Finding out where the new normal falls regarding sex hinges on so many things after treatment for OC. Just getting through treatment is a big accomplishment. Best wishes to everyone in finding some common ground with your partners. @ Caco: Absolutely LOVE your dad's personality!!! He sooooo reminds me of my own dad! lol...I still have my purple sparkly bike...a Schwinn Stingray with a sissy bar...ooooh, AND it still has it's original banana seat.  Thanks for the video post, btw. My bike was pretty good...but the ladies in the video had much more fun...and got a male strip-tease to boot! Next time I'm on, I'll share it on my FB wall for those of you who are curious...
Last edited by Sandy177; 10-13-2011 10:33 PM.
Ex-spouse MISDIAGNOSED with SCC-HN IVa 12/10. Tonsils out 1/11. 4 teeth out 2/11. TX Erbitux x2, IMRT x2 2/11. 2nd opinion-benign BCC-NOT CANCER 3/11. TX stopped 3/11. New doctors 4/11. ENT agrees with 2nd opinion 5/11. ENT scoped him-all clear 7/11. Ordered MRI anyway. MRI 8/22/11 Result-all clear.
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 476 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | OP Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 476 | I am very happy to announce that the oral sex dry spell has been lifted. Patience does pay off.
Wanda (47) caregiver to husband John (56) age at diag.(2009)
1-13-09 diagnosed Stage IV BOT SCC (HPV+)
2-12-09 PEG placed, 7-6-09 removed
Cisplatin 7 weeks, 7 weeks (35) IMRT
4-15-09 - treatment completed
8-09,12-09-CT Scans clear, 4-10,6-11-PET Scans clear
4-2013 - HBO (30 dives) tooth extraction
10-2019 - tooth extraction, HBO (10 dives)
11-2019 - Left lateral tongue SCC - Stage 2
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 531 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 531 | wow, good for you...it's been over 2 1/2 yrs for me for anything...I just try not to think about it. He has issues from when he had Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and it kinda messed up his sex drive because the tumor was between his bladder and uretha and he had filled up with fluids down yonder and it kinda contorted "it" we just joke around bout sex, maybe one of these days. If not, I've found that sleep is good.
CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08
passed away 4.3.15, RIP Ron, you are greatly missed
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 531 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 531 | also how did I ever miss this posting in the first place???
CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08
passed away 4.3.15, RIP Ron, you are greatly missed
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 571 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 571 |
Ex-spouse MISDIAGNOSED with SCC-HN IVa 12/10. Tonsils out 1/11. 4 teeth out 2/11. TX Erbitux x2, IMRT x2 2/11. 2nd opinion-benign BCC-NOT CANCER 3/11. TX stopped 3/11. New doctors 4/11. ENT agrees with 2nd opinion 5/11. ENT scoped him-all clear 7/11. Ordered MRI anyway. MRI 8/22/11 Result-all clear.
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | Woo-Hoo! Good for you, Wanda!! Another thing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!! 
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
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