Hello, OCF members! I've been lurking on these boards for a few months now, but just made an account today. To be honest, I rather wish I'd never had a reason to do so, but c'est la vie.

Before I get into my story, I'll go ahead and affirm that I HAVE NOT been diagnosed with cancer. That said, I do think I'm developing a bad case of hypochondria with regards to my mouth. Ever since April, I've paid excessive attention to every minute detail in my mouth, and am thus hyper-aware of changes.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's a short intro and some background on me. I'm 27, and a recently "freed" Army veteran. I did two tours in Iraq, from 2004-2005, then again in 2008. I was diagnosed with PTSD and alcohol abuse in 2009, after I left the service. Went through treatment for both of the above in 2010 (and am now 18 months sober). Used tobacco pretty heavily for about 8 years (both dip and cigarettes).

Back in April, I noticed a pimple-like growth on the area on my gums where my wisdom teeth used to be (note, it was bilateral). I was scared out of my mind, and had it checked out by my dentist, who informed me that, "It doesn't look like cancer, but we'll send it in for biopsy to be safe." Results came back as hyperkeratosis without dysplasia. Whew. Quit dipping at that time (actually, I quit that the moment I saw the "pimple-ish" growth). Have been trying desperately to quit smoking. I'm down to half a cigarette a day (zero in the last four days!).

So, as I stated above, ever since April, I've scrutinized my mouth. After seeing "changes" (which I am unfortunately unable to ascertain whether or not they actually ARE changes, or if I've just now started noticing X, Y, or Z) and scaring myself for a few months, I had another appointment with my dentist to do a full OC screening. He said that I'm developing some thickened areas on my cheeks, but that he saw nothing of great concern, and that I just need to completely quit smoking.

So, that set my mind at ease for a bit. Unfortunately, that peace of mind hasn't lasted. As I said before, nothing has really "changed," except my amount of worry. The area that was biopsied (mandibular, right side) has an almost scar-like line extending from the alveolar ridge, through the buccal-gingival gutter, and a very short way up the cheek (<1 cm). On the maxillary "gutter" (I really don't know if I'm using this terminology correctly, but as far as I know it's correct - just trying to be accurate), there's a whitish spot that is plainly visible, but disappears/diminishes when the cheek is stretched. BOTH of the above areas are sensitive...well, sort of, anyway. Intermittently painful and/or irritated might be a better approximation. Then, there's an area around my retromolar trigone (right side, again) that will occasionally suffer a pin-prick of pain. When I look, however, there are no visible lesions on the area, so that's a complete mystery.

Anyway, due to all of the above, I've made an appointment with an ENT down at the VA for next week. The anxiety, though, is becoming debilitating. I'm currently a student, and am finding it increasingly difficult to bear this alone while still performing well in school.

I will keep everyone updated on what happens. Regardless of how many replies this gets, I do want to thank everyone here. The courage and strength displayed by OCF members is awe-inspiring.

Respectfully,
Alex

Hi, Alex -

You might want to use some of the techniques that you learned in the PTSD therapy. I have found that meditation helps with the worst of the anxiety - I can look up the name of the book my BIL sent me if you like.

Remind yourself that you moving forward with the appointment, and that you have done very well with staying sober, and reducing the smoking to nearly nothing. You are a good person and a strong person - we are rooting for you!

Thank you, Maria!

That's a good idea to try out the relaxation techniques. To be honest, when I went through therapy, I blew off the meditation stuff and focused more on processing stuff through writing about it. But, your advice is sound...I will try that out. Can't hurt, right?

Also, thank you for the encouragement.

Alex, thanks for taking the time to write out your history. Most new members leave alot out which makes it more difficult to help them. Thank you for serving our country. First thing RELAX!!!!!! You are not doing yourself any good by worrying and thinking "what if". I know you are afraid and its ok and only natural to be scared. Ive been where you are and know how you feel. You are in the right place to get both info and support to help you get thru this.

If you think there is something wrong then get it checked which is what you are doing. Going to an ENT is a smart move. Some ENTs will do biopsies while others will send you to an oral surgeon. Not all dentists will do biopsies either. You already had one area biopsied and it was not cancer. Have the ENT give you a good screening for oral cancer and if necessary biopsy any areas where you have had a sore for over 2 weeks. Thats the guideline to go by, anything that doesnt look right for more than 2 weeks should be checked.

Now about the tobacco.... QUIT!!!!!! Throw it all away and then you wont have anything irritating your mouth anymore. I am aware of how difficult it is to quit, Ive done it. You have been doing very well with cutting back now just keep up the good work and dont use tobacco again, EVER!

As to the panic you are feeling, try to stay busy. It will keep your mind off the worrying. If Ive learned anything from this forum its not to stress over things I have no control over. There is absolutely nothing you can do about your situation at this time so it isnt doing anything positive by dwelling on this issue. The worst possible scenario is that you have cancer. Oral cancer is very curable when caught early, which it sounds like you have done. That is IF it is cancer. The key word is IF! You dont know what it is yet, worrying will not change what it is. Im not trying to be harsh or give you a hard time. Im telling you these things to make it easier to understand so you can help yourself to stay calm and feel better about this.

Best of luck with your appointment.

Thank you, Christine. I needed to hear that - especially the "very curable when caught early" and "IF" parts.

Do you have a therapist or someone who you worked with for your PTSD? Maybe you would be able to see them or another therapist to help get you past this?

One thing to remember is that you have now found OCF. You are not alone with this anymore. There are many members who are here 24/7 to help. Thats what is so nice about OCF, there is always someone to give info, advice and reassurance that it really will be ok.

Wishing you all the very best!

I do have a therapist...well, HAD a therapist. I was toying with the idea of stopping by there after my ENT appointment on Tuesday.

Alex welcome. Please try not to stress about this - the other members suggestions are good - meditation, someone to talk to, and looking at the successes you've managed - put the bad stuff behind you - please try not to worry - you are doing what you have to - staying on top of your care and following up. It doesn't sound cancerous but it's true that if caught early this cancer is curable - those are the words my surgeon used with me - nd I had a definitive diagnosis - stage 2. Perhaps .you need to re focus. Find something you enjoy and lose yourself in it. Take care and good luck with your appointment!

Just a couple comments. 1st, thank you for your service to the country. And congratulations on your sobriety. Sounds like yo're very close on quitting tobacco, hope you can take thar final step asap. Best of luck on your visit to the ent. It isn't cancer until a biopsy says it is.

Alex, I would say chillax (chill and relax). You seem to have been scrutinizing your mouth and researching too much.

It is good that you are going to see an ENT. Good of luck with your appointment and I am sure it will clear your mind and doubts.

Alex, put your time in the school work and don't be worrying about Cancer . Remember, it isn't anything until you are biopsied and told it is. You are too young yet to worry like this. Gert a good looking lady, that is if you don't have one already, and she will make your mind go to other things to have thoughts about. Be safe and enjoy.

Alex - You've already done so many good things to be in control of your health. And for what you have done for our country, a great big THANK YOU! You've gotten lots of good advice above and it won't be long now until your appointment with the ENT. DO stop by the therapist and accept whatever help is available. You certainly deserve to be treated well. Your health is important. Whatever the outcome is, IF it is cancer, you will be in control and can start fighting it and will feel better. There are so many compassionate and knowledgeable people here, ready to help. The waiting and the "what ifs" can get pretty bad. What helped me at times when I was so worried about my son was to try and give myself a time limit, like maybe 4-5 minutes to think about the negative and then switch to all the things that could go Right! - Instead of what could go wrong. Sometimes it is a moment to moment thing. Keeping busy really helps to keep your mind off the negative stuff. Hope your appointment goes well. Let us know what happens.

Thank you, everyone, for all the support and replies! Reading your words of advice and encouragement is helping me keep a sense of proper perspective, and I am deeply appreciative of that.

I'll keep you all updated!

Alex,
You got a lot of good advice. The only thing I would add is, regarding how you said at first the place on your retromolar pad, I think it was, is that cancer is not as a rule bilateral, at least at the same time. (lymph nodes might be an exception) Docs often check this out when you have something on one side--does it match the other side. Usually if you see something on one side and it matches something on the other side in the same area, that is a good sign not to worry. Now you had one biopsied, but not the other, don't know what the difference was, so maybe they were different. But that's my tip. Congrats on quitting the chewing, now throw away all your cigarettes.
Best,
Anne

Hi Alex,

Thank you for what you have done to serve all of us. You are doing the right things for your health no matter what the outcome. Stay positive, you are strong. You have gotten sober and WILL quit smoking both of which will feel wonderful. My husband has been sober for 27 years and is not a drug and alcohol counselor so that he can give back. We are dealing with cancer now and he is doing very well. The ENT found it and is going for "cure". We are optimistic. You might not even have to get this far but I have found everyone on this site to be completely amazing and it has helped me. Breathe and try to stay busy. You will be fine no matter what.
Ellen

oops now a drug and alcohol counselor. I wrote not, sorry. It is late.

Hi Alex, please listen to Christine, if anyone can be there for you, she can. Funny, but since my hubby was diagnosed, I freak out at any ulcer, etc in my mouth. I check my boobs and lymph nodes once a month for lumps. I am a tooth grinder, so scar my cheeks every night. Thats all I can do for me - be aware of signs. Check for signs. Don't freak out at everything. 1/2 the time it's nothing. If is the operative word that Christine uses. Eshwar is righ - chill & relax.....we are all here for you anyway....good you have stopped smoking, but wondering what makes you think you have oral cancer? - ps..don't know what 'dipping' is??.....

Well, just got back from the ENT. He told me, in no uncertain terms, to stop worrying and fixating on my mouth.

Although I am not completely satisfied (nothing was biopsied, on the grounds of "there is nothing that needs to be biopsied"), I will accept the fact that this makes two separate health care professionals who have told me the same thing, and that I should probably take their advice.

I will take this "scare" as a lesson, and continue to stay off tobacco (still going strong on the no smoking). Thank you to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts, support, advice, and personal experiences with me. It meant (and means) a great deal to me. Without your help, I would have been a complete nervous wreck by today.

Jeanna - "dip" and "dipping" refers to smokeless tobacco and the act of using it, respectively. Now that I've been free of that particular habit for an appreciable length of time, I'm once again realizing how disgusting it is. Makes me wonder what I was thinking when I started doing it. I hope I will come to feel the same way about smoking!

- Alex

Alex: First off,thank you for your service to our country - that alone shows that you are a strong person.
Second: Quit the cigarettes..... I was a 40 year smoker so I know how hard it is to quit. Unfortunately I didn't quit until I got diagnosed. Consider this a sign from above that the ENT saw nothing and use it as a tool to help you quit for good ! Good Luck!

Hey there...congrats on the good news. I know how scared you can get when you smoke and you know what that can do. But remember...it doesn't always do that, So for now, you are lucky!

I would advise to continue to get regular checkups with your dentist and go from there.

I would stop worrying yourself though. You don't need to stop checking, checking is ok...to an extent.

Also another good thing to remember....if you get a sore in your mouth...wait it out a bit. If it lasts 2 - 4 weeks, then talk with your dentist about it. If you aren't satisfied with their answer, try to see an ent or oral surgeon for a different opinion.

I was toyed with for 5 months before they finally did the biopsy and discovered it was cancer. They kept telling me I was too young and just chewing on my tongue when I slept due to stress. Granted...neither my normal dentist nor the first oral surgeon had ever had much dealings with cancer in such a young patient, but still...no excuse!

Cancer can be hard to detect, so just keep your eyes open and keep getting normal checkups!

And thanks for your years of service. It has to be hard to go through what you did and then try to readjust to "normal" life. I worked at a Vets "nursing" home, and many of them had PTSD or drinking/drug problems.

I would like to congratulate you on your sobriety and you ability to stay away from dip and smokes. It's a hard thing to kick, but hopefully this "scare" will help you stay away for good. I know when my sore first showed up on my tongue, that was my last cig and will never go back! So keep up the great work!