Hello, OCF members! I've been lurking on these boards for a few months now, but just made an account today. To be honest, I rather wish I'd never had a reason to do so, but c'est la vie.

Before I get into my story, I'll go ahead and affirm that I HAVE NOT been diagnosed with cancer. That said, I do think I'm developing a bad case of hypochondria with regards to my mouth. Ever since April, I've paid excessive attention to every minute detail in my mouth, and am thus hyper-aware of changes.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's a short intro and some background on me. I'm 27, and a recently "freed" Army veteran. I did two tours in Iraq, from 2004-2005, then again in 2008. I was diagnosed with PTSD and alcohol abuse in 2009, after I left the service. Went through treatment for both of the above in 2010 (and am now 18 months sober). Used tobacco pretty heavily for about 8 years (both dip and cigarettes).

Back in April, I noticed a pimple-like growth on the area on my gums where my wisdom teeth used to be (note, it was bilateral). I was scared out of my mind, and had it checked out by my dentist, who informed me that, "It doesn't look like cancer, but we'll send it in for biopsy to be safe." Results came back as hyperkeratosis without dysplasia. Whew. Quit dipping at that time (actually, I quit that the moment I saw the "pimple-ish" growth). Have been trying desperately to quit smoking. I'm down to half a cigarette a day (zero in the last four days!).

So, as I stated above, ever since April, I've scrutinized my mouth. After seeing "changes" (which I am unfortunately unable to ascertain whether or not they actually ARE changes, or if I've just now started noticing X, Y, or Z) and scaring myself for a few months, I had another appointment with my dentist to do a full OC screening. He said that I'm developing some thickened areas on my cheeks, but that he saw nothing of great concern, and that I just need to completely quit smoking.

So, that set my mind at ease for a bit. Unfortunately, that peace of mind hasn't lasted. As I said before, nothing has really "changed," except my amount of worry. The area that was biopsied (mandibular, right side) has an almost scar-like line extending from the alveolar ridge, through the buccal-gingival gutter, and a very short way up the cheek (<1 cm). On the maxillary "gutter" (I really don't know if I'm using this terminology correctly, but as far as I know it's correct - just trying to be accurate), there's a whitish spot that is plainly visible, but disappears/diminishes when the cheek is stretched. BOTH of the above areas are sensitive...well, sort of, anyway. Intermittently painful and/or irritated might be a better approximation. Then, there's an area around my retromolar trigone (right side, again) that will occasionally suffer a pin-prick of pain. When I look, however, there are no visible lesions on the area, so that's a complete mystery.

Anyway, due to all of the above, I've made an appointment with an ENT down at the VA for next week. The anxiety, though, is becoming debilitating. I'm currently a student, and am finding it increasingly difficult to bear this alone while still performing well in school.

I will keep everyone updated on what happens. Regardless of how many replies this gets, I do want to thank everyone here. The courage and strength displayed by OCF members is awe-inspiring.

Respectfully,
Alex

Hi, Alex -

You might want to use some of the techniques that you learned in the PTSD therapy. I have found that meditation helps with the worst of the anxiety - I can look up the name of the book my BIL sent me if you like.

Remind yourself that you moving forward with the appointment, and that you have done very well with staying sober, and reducing the smoking to nearly nothing. You are a good person and a strong person - we are rooting for you!

Thank you, Maria!

That's a good idea to try out the relaxation techniques. To be honest, when I went through therapy, I blew off the meditation stuff and focused more on processing stuff through writing about it. But, your advice is sound...I will try that out. Can't hurt, right?

Also, thank you for the encouragement.

Alex, thanks for taking the time to write out your history. Most new members leave alot out which makes it more difficult to help them. Thank you for serving our country. First thing RELAX!!!!!! You are not doing yourself any good by worrying and thinking "what if". I know you are afraid and its ok and only natural to be scared. Ive been where you are and know how you feel. You are in the right place to get both info and support to help you get thru this.

If you think there is something wrong then get it checked which is what you are doing. Going to an ENT is a smart move. Some ENTs will do biopsies while others will send you to an oral surgeon. Not all dentists will do biopsies either. You already had one area biopsied and it was not cancer. Have the ENT give you a good screening for oral cancer and if necessary biopsy any areas where you have had a sore for over 2 weeks. Thats the guideline to go by, anything that doesnt look right for more than 2 weeks should be checked.

Now about the tobacco.... QUIT!!!!!! Throw it all away and then you wont have anything irritating your mouth anymore. I am aware of how difficult it is to quit, Ive done it. You have been doing very well with cutting back now just keep up the good work and dont use tobacco again, EVER!

As to the panic you are feeling, try to stay busy. It will keep your mind off the worrying. If Ive learned anything from this forum its not to stress over things I have no control over. There is absolutely nothing you can do about your situation at this time so it isnt doing anything positive by dwelling on this issue. The worst possible scenario is that you have cancer. Oral cancer is very curable when caught early, which it sounds like you have done. That is IF it is cancer. The key word is IF! You dont know what it is yet, worrying will not change what it is. Im not trying to be harsh or give you a hard time. Im telling you these things to make it easier to understand so you can help yourself to stay calm and feel better about this.

Best of luck with your appointment.

Thank you, Christine. I needed to hear that - especially the "very curable when caught early" and "IF" parts.

Do you have a therapist or someone who you worked with for your PTSD? Maybe you would be able to see them or another therapist to help get you past this?

One thing to remember is that you have now found OCF. You are not alone with this anymore. There are many members who are here 24/7 to help. Thats what is so nice about OCF, there is always someone to give info, advice and reassurance that it really will be ok.

Wishing you all the very best!

I do have a therapist...well, HAD a therapist. I was toying with the idea of stopping by there after my ENT appointment on Tuesday.

Alex welcome. Please try not to stress about this - the other members suggestions are good - meditation, someone to talk to, and looking at the successes you've managed - put the bad stuff behind you - please try not to worry - you are doing what you have to - staying on top of your care and following up. It doesn't sound cancerous but it's true that if caught early this cancer is curable - those are the words my surgeon used with me - nd I had a definitive diagnosis - stage 2. Perhaps .you need to re focus. Find something you enjoy and lose yourself in it. Take care and good luck with your appointment!

Just a couple comments. 1st, thank you for your service to the country. And congratulations on your sobriety. Sounds like yo're very close on quitting tobacco, hope you can take thar final step asap. Best of luck on your visit to the ent. It isn't cancer until a biopsy says it is.

Alex, I would say chillax (chill and relax). You seem to have been scrutinizing your mouth and researching too much.

It is good that you are going to see an ENT. Good of luck with your appointment and I am sure it will clear your mind and doubts.