Well, I'm back....because it's back. I had a swollen submandibular lymph node on my surgical side. CT showed two large nodes. Needle biopsy last Friday is positive. I'm awaiting a date for my Radical Neck Dissection. My mother is furious that I want to just give up and let it run it's course. Basically, I forced her to get chemo/radiation a couple months ago for her inoperable lung cancer, so she is insisting that I get treatment too.

I'm so pissed at my sister for committing suicide last October...cuz I certainly can't make my parents go through that again.

I hate my life.

This sucks - big time - and I am so sorry!
If you have to be pissed, be pissed at the cancer and dig in deep and give it all you've got! (just like you thought was best for your Mom)

You have an awful lot on your plate - your mother, your father, your sister's death, your own struggles - that's too heavy a load for any one person to carry. If you haven't seen a counselor, please consider doing so. Your spirit needs some TLC, a chance to vent and the opportunity to mourn.

Be brave Kelli - you can make it through this!

Hey there... please dont give up... did they do radiation or chemo on you... the neck dissection isn`t that bad. But it should be followed with rads and chemo, if you havent already had it... I know that just makes things worse, but please... you have a lot to offer. hugs...

I wish I could give you a big hug. That is such a lot to deal with all at once. Please keep coming back here for support and to vent your feelings if you need to. I'm recovering from a neck dissection right now. Radical on one side and selective on the other. At three and a half weeks out, I'm feeling pretty good. Cheryl is right, it isn't that bad a surgery. Be good to yourself and don't give up.

@ Kelli: The survivors who have weighed in are giving you great advice and, if anyone can give you advice and help you through it, it's them.

You just took a big hit. It's hard to think about fighting when you've been through it already. It sucks without a doubt. It sucks more than anything except for maybe hearing, "there's nothing more we can do for you."

Remember back to when you forced your mom to get treatment for her lung cancer. I'm sure you can remember the reasons why you wanted her to have treatment. She made it through. She took the hit of the DX, it knocked her down, you helped her get back up and she got into fight-mode. Now, she's returning the favor. It's hard to want to fight right now. Soon, you're survivor instincts will kick in and you'll want to fight. Besides, you don't want to just let it run it's course. Ask any of the old-timers here (Charm and ChristineB, in particular) and they'll tell you it will be a horrific thing to go through. And, if you change your mind later and want to go for treatment, it may be too late.

I'm sorry your sister chose to end her life. It is a cruel burden to bear for everyone who is left behind. My heart hurts for you that you are going through so many tragic situations. Not knowing more, the best I can say is suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is sad when things seem so dark that a person can't see any other alternatives. But, since you are leaning towards going back into the ring to fight your recurrence for your parents' sake, your sister's death isn't for naught. It is a fitting tribute to your sister for you to choose life.

Give it hell, Kelli! You can do it. You did it before. Why let all the effort you put into fighting it last time be wasted on giving in to it this time? There's lots of good to be had on this side of the grass. Don't let cancer take that away from you without a fight.

Sending a hug and lots of positive thoughts. This is a fight you can win!

Sandy

My Radical Neck Dissection is scheduled for July 20. My sister's birthday :{

Hi Kelli,

Whoa. How did that happen? Of all days! Well, it's a birthday which is good. A person could ponder the significance of this coincidence for a long, long time. My thoughts immediately went to the positives. But, really, WOW!

Keep moving forward Kelli. We're with you.

Love,
Sandy
xoxox

Oh hell ya, that's a postive sign for sure! Her birthday your day to start the fight with her watching over you. Sorry for your loss and God Bless you and your mom!
Good Luck, Ron's is tomorrow his 2nd time around for Oral Cancer his 3rd time with Cancer itself. He's a friggin cat my oldest daughter says. Meeeeooowww!

She'll be with you Kelli walking you through it- our loved ones do stick around to help us with the hard times.... My mom was with me all the way I could feel her and still do... By stepdad too... Good luck on your surgery... Please try to think positively that's half the battle - really.. Hugs and prayers to you.

I'm with Cheryl on this - I've had too many signs in my own life not to believe that our passed on loved ones do stick around to give us comfort and strength when we most need it. You are a fighter, Kelli - so keep up the fight!! You can do it! And keep checking back with us - you have tremendous support here from people who really care about you and your family.