Hi Marisa, it is a difficult decision and your FIL may be taking hospice as people around him giving up on him. Kindly discuss with your doctor if it is possible to continue as pallative treatment with some pain medication till the time he can tolerate. He may just have probably few weeks or months atleast if that can give him peace of mind.

thanks for the reply. heading there now to visit him, will try and find something out, last I heard he was still too "weak" for chemo at this point, but may be able to start a very low dose soon......dr said if adverse effects would immediately pull back..........my husband is only child and not handling this very well.....he does not know what to do for his daD.......thank you for your words...it really does help!!


I will update more as I know

Just be with him. Tell him you're still looking at or for other options - and do but - I had the same problem with my mom. Thankfully God ( I'm not sure how religious you are - I'm not super religious but I do believe in God. So forgive me if I offend) saw fit to take her before she had to suffer. We were looking into having her transferred to another hospital when she passed. Just tell him to focus on healing...spend time with him. Share with him the fact that others have been in similar situations and their bodies have fought back his may too. Hugs - to you - you've been an amazing caregiver. Just keep being there for him. Take care!

Just when I think I have been through rough times, I see people who have it so much harder than me. It seems like every time I come here I am compelled to prayer for those who are struggling so mightily with this disease. My love, my thoughts, my prayers are bent toward your father in law and your family tonight.

thanks again for all your words of wisdom and advice and encouragment! we went again today and he is in SO MUCH pain! it just breaks my heart, he has been on lots of pain meds since Jan and nothing is really helping for the pain in his chest anymore....


it just breaks my heart, my husband and I both agree we do not want him to be in misery....it is so sad


I asked him if he wants to go to Columbus to a Nat cancer hospital for possible clinical trials but he says he is fine where he is, so I am not going to push anymore, and let him make his own decisions and just be there for him......


we bring the grandkids up to see him and breaks my heart to hear my 4 yr old daughter say I LOVE YOU!!! and I can tell it breaks his heart too....


just so sad...


thanks again...will update as I can..

I am def going to get the book FINAL journeys as so many recommend as well...


and yes I am not super religious but I def believe in afterlife and that he will be rejoined w his father who died of cancer 18 months ago, and his brother who was killed w 2 other teens at a railroad crossing 40 yrs ago, his brother was 15...it helps me to know they will reunite again

And he'll be with you to watch out for you as well. Hugs and take care of yourself too - the whole situation is traumatic for the living!

So sorry my prayers going out to you and your family.

Little update, he is having 5 rads to breast bone for palliative care then that is it......he has really gonedown quick in48 hrs.... No energy to talk, etc, dr said due to high calcium 13.4....... He is on mess to try and bring that down but I know high calcium in late stage cancer is not good... Dr will not give any time frame of WHEN he may die........ I was hoping till Xmas but now realistically thinking it could be the next week or so I just do not know what to look for? Any brutally honest opinions is wanted please

Can I be honest with you? If his energy is poor, calcium rising and his consciousness poor, just be with him. Does he have a DNR? he may not have too long, once his electrolytes get out of whack. It's a downward spiral from there. I was in charge of my stepfather's care and they were pushing me to take him off the respirator (he had cancer that may have come back but he was in because of severe pneumonia, that ended up over taxing his only kidney and he ended up with an infection etc..) I refused to remove the respirator as I just couldn't fathom him slowly suffocating, I just couldnt do it. I figured his body would give up when it was ready and it did within a few days. I made it clear to them that i wouldn't permit them to pull the plug, but at the same time I wanted no extraordinary measures taken - your father in law's body will give up and he may become almost unconscious, like he's sleeping. His breath will slow and that'll be it. Hopefully it will be peaceful. It's a horrible thing and heartbreaking but he will be at peace. Too many times we push, so that we can have more time with a loved one but in some way thats inhumane, especiakly if heir last few days are painfilled. Hugs and god bless! I'm sorry you're going though this!

thanks cheryl, he is still a FULL CODE, and the manager at triumph talked to him and tried to explain at this point many patients are not full code.....and he told her "we would be so upset if he did not find till the end"....which we have told him over and over we just do not want him in pain...........



he also tells us if he is choking on his sputum, he wants help of course but if he is dying he does NOT want to be hooked up to a machine....


his last pallative radiation is THURS, than they will reavulate him, then prob he is going to the hospice house 20 minutes away...


the encologist will NOT give us any kind of ball park estimate, but but aunt who went to him literally told the family the NIGHT before to call hospice.....and also my husbands grandpa he said the same thing.......so I know it can be any time..



I just said w him for hours yesterday and watched him sleep as to not disturb him...


when he opened his eyes a minute I said hello and he gave me the biggest smile!! then said "rub my head" which I gladly did as he slept on....

a few hrs later he woke and we had a great visit, he was alert, laughing...and crying. knowing that he will die but he has made peace w that....and he told me how much he loves me and we recalled all of our great memories together..he truly is like my own dad if not more.....we lived w him for 3 yrs when we had our first baby 13 yrs ago at the age of 19, trying to get ahead in life...


he is one of my best friends and it does break my heart...


my husband is w him now and we are doing "shifts" since we have 4 kids and 2 of them are sick right now...


I will keep you all up to date...

thanks for all the kind words