Hi my name is Sue and we live in upstate NY...My oldest son 20 at the time had aggressive NHL and required a bone marrow transplant 4 years ago...that has been an ongoing roller coaster. Yesterday, my youngest son went to the dentist for a routine cleaning and she told him he had a small black spot on a gum and a white spot in his cheek and he needed to go see an oral surgeon because it could be cancerous....Gees, to tell a family that has been through hell and back from one son with cancer that their other son may have something...is very scary. I have checked on symptoms and such and extensively questioned him (which he became aggitated with me about), he appears to have no other symptoms other than these two small barely visible spots....He is 23 and not quite the age, however, if we learned anything, cancer hits all ages. Everyone I voice concern to, said who doesn't have white spots somewhere in their mouth....that may be true but the white spot and the black are a concern. This son has a mild form of asperger's and he is always uptight and easily frustrated anyways, his coping skills are not the greatest, I worry about that too. My oldest son was very easy going and laid back with a great sense of humor and I think that helped him through...but I remember so well that even he had issues with the emotional side of cancer. I worry this son could not handle it...We have immediately scheduled an appointment with an oral surgeon for Monday and I will wonder all weekend what he has to say. My oldest son's transplant doctor would say "the issue is in the tissue"...I know that well, but is it possible he takes one look and says you have nothing to worry about? I am quite aware that I could be overreacting, but in light of past history, can you blame me? Until my son had cancer we had zilch for family history as far back as anyone can remember on either side of the tree...I wonder did we once own and live in a house on a toxic waste dump? I know from experience that the most knowledgeable people I could talk to right now, is all of you, as I know you have a wealth of insight and information I could never get from any professional. Can anyone calm my ever growing fears?

Thanks for listening...
Sue

Hi Sue:

I know how scared you are, and I would (and am) the same way until I get results of questionable things like your son has been advised. It could be something other than cancer, and I pray it is. Our mouths always seem to have bumps and other lesions that aren't cancerous, so try to relax and just wait for someone who knows cancer to tell you if it is or isn't. It's easy for someone to tell you not to worry, and I'm such a worrier myself, it's almost laughable, but it ISN'T cancer until someone diagnoses it as cancer. I'll be praying for you to get promising news from the oral surgeon Monday.

julieann

Sue! Welcome to OCF my dear! Sure glad you found us, sorry you had to

I will calm your fears right now. It's NOT cancer. The reason I "know" it's not cancer is because your son hasn't had a biopsy that says it is so it's not, period, end of story.

Now, let's do some due diligence and schedule the appointment and get the biopsy done. There are sooo many other conditions that it could be other then cancer that aren't very serious...but let's get it checked out.

In the meantime, put your fears aside, remember that life is amazing and each moment with our loved ones is a gift and just enjoy that time.

Take one step at a time here so you don't let your mind run and get you all worked up and emotional, all the worry will do is steal your time enjoying your family so don't do it. Schedule the appt, get the biopsy, get the results and we'll go from there my dear.

Keep your chin up and be the rock your son might need to calm his own fears.

Eric

Sue,
Try to sya calm. It is not cancer until the biopsy says it is. As a special education teacher my heart goes out to you. I know it must be hard on you and your son for change. I know that because I with students with autism and one with aspergers as well as many others. You will get through this.