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#128193 - 01/20/11 05:58 AM Overdue update (David & I)
Philly Offline
Contributing Member (25+ posts)

Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 28
Loc: INDIANA
A lot has happened in the last year. David and I were married 12 years and I truly thought we would be together until death seperated us momentarily until once again reunited in heaven. Things just didn't work out that way...our marriage ended in divorce. He changed so much after the diagnosis. It seemed I became the outlet for his frustration and anger... he became so very bitter and violent. I was left with little option but to leave.

Its been a very difficult fourteen months but we have learned to smile again...slowly but surely the kids have been adjusting. David has a girlfriend now and seems to be doing somewhat better. She's lost custody of her three children because of a drug addiction and I think David is finding some purpose and fulfillment helping her stay on the straight and narrow in hopes of regaining custody.

David has not been back to the doctor since quitting radiation treatment and the one last visit to the ENT I took him to before me and the kids left. He said he just doesn't want to know anymore... of course I will always love him and pray that he finds joy, peace, and happiness in life. However long it will be. My biggest lesson in all of this has been realizing that I don't have to take the lashing... its not my fault...and just because I want him to fight with all of his might with every medical resource at our disposal does not mean that's what will happen. He is content not knowing. And even though it frustrates me that he would rather live in denial, I have to let go and let him live his life.
_________________________
Mom of 4, wife and caregiver to David, 37 yrs old, diagnosed 12/4/08 SSC T4NXMX Maxillectomy on 1/8/09. 19 out of 30 scheduled rounds of IMRT Radiation Therapy. Cancer free!! (Last checkup 8/09) Next 10/23/09



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#128194 - 01/20/11 07:37 AM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: Philly]
BrandyK Offline
Supporting Member (50+ posts)

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 96
Loc: Knoxville, TN
Wow, I am so sorry to hear everything that has happened. I am glad that you are doing better. I am sure that he has some depression that he is obviously not dealing with. I see that he had cancer in the upper palette. There are very few people on here that have that, it is rare. That is sad that he is giving up. I pray that he is able to deal with this better in the future and get back into the doctors. I also pray that this never comes back for him and he is able to be there in the future for his kids.

Yes, it is not your fault. He was coping in not the best way for him and his family. Again I will put you all in my prayers and wish you all the best in the future. Not an easy thing as the caregiver or the patient.
_________________________
31 at dx 9/06
SCC T4N0M0 with bone invasion upper maxillary
Surgery 10/06
CT's clear for 2 years
2nd recurrence - Laser surgery 1/09 dx
Tumor board - No surgery to invasive for QOL
35 IMRT 3/30/09 Completed 5/15/09
8 tx Erbitux 3/24/09 Completed 5/6/09
HBO for ORN March & April 2010
Fibula flap 5/10

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#128203 - 01/20/11 12:08 PM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: BrandyK]
Anne-Marie Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 2604
Loc: TN
I'm glad too, that you are doing so well and so impressed with the maturity and compassion you've shown which is exceptional in one as young as you. It hurts to see someone you love going through difficulties but we each have to make our own decisions. Letting go is one of the greatest expressions of love. Your children are fortunate in having such a compassionate and understanding Mom and they will benefit from your great example.
_________________________
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)




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#128211 - 01/20/11 02:07 PM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: Anne-Marie]
ChristineB Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 8515
Loc: PA
Im very sorry to read about your struggles. Cancer changes people and sometimes in a bad way. It must have been so hard to pack up and go. You should be very proud of yourself that you had the strength to take care of yourself and children and to move on. Kids are resilient, they will adjust and be fine. Best wishes with everything your future holds.
_________________________
Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07, no caregiver
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo extended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line w/ IV antibiotics 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3 times in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile

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#128221 - 01/20/11 05:51 PM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: ChristineB]
Philly Offline
Contributing Member (25+ posts)

Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 28
Loc: INDIANA
Thank you for your kind words. I pray for each of you in your battle against this horrible disease. This forum has been such a blessing through all of the ups and downs and I really appreciate all of you for sharing your words of wisdom and advice. I will keep in touch.

Take care.

Philly
_________________________
Mom of 4, wife and caregiver to David, 37 yrs old, diagnosed 12/4/08 SSC T4NXMX Maxillectomy on 1/8/09. 19 out of 30 scheduled rounds of IMRT Radiation Therapy. Cancer free!! (Last checkup 8/09) Next 10/23/09



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#147493 - 03/27/12 02:16 PM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: Philly]
Philadelphia Offline
Member

Registered: 10/10/10
Posts: 1
Loc: Evansville, IN
Update: David and his girlfriend are expecting a baby boy April 23rd. He still has not been back to the Dr. since the last time I took him (8/09). He's back to smoking non-filter cigarettes and looks rough, but there is no telling what's going on inside his body.

It is VERY tough not knowing what's going on with David (medically)...but it is what it is. The kids go and visit with him just about every weekend (he has every other weekends in our divorce agreement, but of course I let them go as often as he will have them / can tolerate them). He gets very frustrated with the kids - having to repeat himself. The prosthesis does not fit in his mouth at all, and it's very difficult for anyone to understand what he's saying... He should have had another one two years ago, but refuses to go back to the Dr. .... Yes, he has insurance. It's beyond frustrating, but there is nothing I can do. Still learning I MUST let go. NO other choice but to let go...

I remarried on January 20, 2012. My brother's best friend (Scott). I've known him since my youngest was a baby. Such a sweet man. Very, very loving - and loves each one of my children as his own. God has been SO good to us. Regardless of what challenges and trials we face - God has been there every step of the way. For that, I am truly grateful.

I don't come here often - but please do friend me on Facebook smile

I have added Philadelphia to the OCF Facebook list upon her request. ChristineB


Edited by ChristineB (03/28/12 01:36 AM)

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#148063 - 04/10/12 07:50 PM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: Philadelphia]
SUEZ Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 07/21/10
Posts: 531
Loc: AURORA, OH
wow I need to catch up on a lot of stuff on here first sorry bout your divorce so sad about that and how he is acting and has done BUT congrats on finding love again!!!
_________________________
CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08

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#148066 - 04/10/12 10:49 PM Re: Overdue update (David & I) [Re: SUEZ]
Anne-Marie Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 2604
Loc: TN
Philly - It's so good to hear from you and to know that you've come thru all the hard times and found love again. It's sad that your ex seems to have given up in caring for his health but ultimately he has to make his own decisions.

Scott sounds like a wonderful man! Enjoy each precious moment with him and with your children.
_________________________
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)




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