OK so yesterday, he wanted this Campbells Double Noodle Chicken noodle soup, I said Ron, this really has ALOT of noodles in it do you want it blended up, he said no. He tried to eat it ended up leaving all the noodles and drinking only the broth got mad, I asked him if he wanted something else he said he didn't know. We sat there for a bit next thing he gets up, says he's getting a beer! At 1030PM! I went to bed. Now on the 24th of Oct I bought a 12 pack of vanilla boost. Guess how many are left? 7! 11 days ago 12 bottles 7 left, ya he's not drinking them either, BEER. That is his answer and I'm tired of it. I can't do it anymore and to make my stress level less and make myself happy...he has to leave or he has to change how he wants to care for himself. If he don't want to live for me or himself than I can't have him in my home.

Suez, Im sorry you are having so much trouble with Ron. Maybe it would be good to start your own post under "coping", "caregivers" or "after treatment issues". That way your topic can get the attention it deserves and this thread can go back to the original poster's topic. Being a caregiver is not an easy job (I dont think I could do it). I wish you all the best in your daily struggles.

k will do sorry

Charm,
Thanks again for the excerpt. They really put him through the wringer. Wonder what hospital he was at?

I was lucky. My surgery went off without a hitch and I didn't need any flap so no arm or leg recovery to deal with. They were able to install my TEP at the time of the surgery so I was talking normally, albiet briefly, two weeks after surgery. I even sounded like me until the TEP became clogged a couple of weeks later(the speech therapist forgot to give em the brush to clean it). When he changed it the jackass put in a 6mm instead of the 8mm I had because he didn't have a 8mm available. This lowered my voice very low and even though I think it was only in for 2 weeks before I got the 8mm, it left me with this new voice permanently. So good surgery and totally imcompetent speech guy. He also forgot to give me the electrolarynx for after surgery so I couldn't talk at all for 2 weeks. Very frustrating. But all in all, my experience was much better than this poor doctor's. No wonder he was depressed.

Take care,
Eileen

Depression is one of the most difficult problems that a head and neck cancer has to face. The challenges of life in the shadow of cancer makes it even more difficult. The inability or difficulty to speak make it difficult to express emotions and can lead to isolation.

The social stigma associated with admitting it makes it difficult to reach and treat many individuals that need therapy. Surgical cure is not enough and there should be more emphasize about mental well being after surgery.

Depression is part of the normal mechanism of coping with adversity. There are several stages in the way that most people cope with a difficult new situation such as becoming a laryngectomee. The first stage is Denial and Isolation, than Anger, followed by Depression, and finally there is Acceptance.

Some people get �stuck� at a certain stage such as Depression, or Anger. It is important to move on and get to the final stage of acceptance and hope.

This is why professional help and understanding and help by family and friends are very important.

Itzhak Brook MD

http://dribrook.blogspot.com

Why am I depressed if I'm 3 years out and cancer "free" and getting along ok in this new norm? Thanks, Doc.
Patty 100

Suez, it sounds to me like he has a self pity case going. To have a great caregiver and make them miserable is beyond me. Let him know in a direct manner that unless he changes and becomes more thoughtful of you and all you do for him, that he might end up taking care of himself. Also, it could possibly be that he is crying for more help or out in pain. I'm just saying how things should be but we all are different. Tell Ron that I sure wish I had a caregiver to help me thru this mess. I say he has been lucky to have you in his corner.