My former husband who is my best friend and father of our son was diagnosed with throat cancer last year and a tumor was removed from the base of the tongue December 30, 2009. He then had radiation for 7 weeks, 5 days a week. He had a PEG installed and has been using liquid nutrition, plus for a while he was able to eat a very limited diet. Now the tumor is back, big and aggressive. We just found out today that he will be given chemo treatments (for the first time)and hope that the chemo reduces the size of the tumor to make it possible to operate. The doctor said it was too big and "ingrown" to operate on now. The doctor said if the chemo doesn't work, then it doesn't look good. Any words of wisdom?

Welcome to OCF, sorry you had to find this site but sure glad that you did. There are serveral regular posters here that have dealt with recurrances, a few have had multiple and are still here to tell the tale and help navigate others who find themselves on the same path.

The first bit of advice is to make sure your ex hubby is being treated in a CCC (Comprehensive Cancer Center) to give him the best possible chance of survival. A 2nd opinion is always prudent...so take the precaution of having a second opinion from a reputable facility.

We are here to help in any way that we can...but the more information you can give us the more we can be of service.

Eric

SuzBene,

Please consider a 2nd opinion.

CCC's

http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/resources/cancer_centers.htm

BEST CANCER HOSPITALS

http://health.usnews.com/health/best-hospitals/cancer-hospital-rankings/

I'm not saying you will be given better options but they can't be worse than those that you have been presented with.

Suz, welcome to OCF. I completely agree with Eric and David about going asap for a second opinion at a cancer center. Ive had oral cancer 3 times in 3 years and consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. Ive had a very long, difficult road the past few years. Last year I was stage IV and never thought I would get thru it. Luckily, I am still here and able to help others.

Please keep posting, we will try to help you. Best of luck with everything.

Thanks to all who have responded to my post. I wasn't very articulate in my first posting. The opinion my former husband got was the second opinion and from the top-rated cancer center in the country; it was basically a confirmation of the first opinion but with the option of chemotherapy as a palliative. The cancer is "big and aggressive." So, I guess my question is as I will be the primary care-giver, how can I make this as pleasant and pain-free as possible? The doctor said that yes, there are miracles but there won't be one in this case and he is a very compassionate and extremely excellent doctor. Any ideas on how to go forward in a positive way? Thanks so much.

Ya just have to THINK positive but keep in the back of your mind the inevitable. That's how I get thru it. I am prepared for the worst but hope for the best and carry on with life as if nothing is wrong. But am very aware it is not a normal life. Is that bad?

Suz,

I've thought seriously about what I would do if I did have a recurrance with a poor prognosis, in fact lately I've thought a lot about it.

As a former WA state resident, I would move back there, smoke a lot of medical marijuana until the pain got to be more then I care to bare...and then check out using the "Death with Dignity" option available in Washington State...or go to Amsterdam where MJ is legal, as is Death With Dignity with the added bonus of legalized prostitution, the last part was supposed to be humor but I understand it's in bad taste.

I find it odd that in every state in the country euthanasia for animals is legal but in all but 2 states we expect humans to suffer until dying naturally. Not sure of the logic in that but it is what it is.

I wouldn't do chemo though after my first experience with it...I would want to be as chemically independant as I could be to try and enjoy the time I had left with the ones I loved. As much quality time as I could get before I decided it was time.

I hope you and your husband find peace in whatever path you choose to take.

Sincerely,

Eric

Suz,

Just want to let you know that my heart goes out to you. My ex-hubby was also my very best friend in the world, and I lost him last Oct to liver cancer resulting from Hep C.

I'm hoping (should be sure) that the MDs will give your ex the pain meds he needs and that you will be able to have some enjoyable times together. All you can do is live each day... and as if nothing is wrong is totally fine, at some point that will likely change. Am sure you are living as best you can and that is all anyone could want or expect.

Glad to see you here where you can find support and understanding

Dodie