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#120626 08-19-2010 12:06 AM
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Dragon Offline OP
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I have been here before but my mom just had major reconstruction surgery and she has had it so ruff and She just shouldnt have to go through this and.... O hhh I dont know


Let me be the lender of strength, wisdom, and heart. Let me be the one who helps you spread your wings.
Dragon #120645 08-19-2010 09:41 AM
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Hang in there, I know its hard. We are here to help. Just ask


Wendy
46yrs@ DX 9/16/09 T1N0 SCC of leftlat tongue, poorly differentiated.Partial glosectomy 10/01/09 & 10/16/09 & 11/10/09 60-70% tongue removed, Radical fff, 38 nodes-clear, no rads/chemo. 3 petscans-clear

wendys #120667 08-19-2010 03:24 PM
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Dragon, I remember you form 2007. You joined right after I had finished my chemo/rads. You know where to come to for support. Prayers to your mom.


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
ChristineB #120669 08-19-2010 04:24 PM
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Dragon, you're right, she shouldn't have to go through this. Good that she has you for support.


David R. 65 yr old male non-smoker, light drinker, stage 3 or 4, depending on which doc you ask, scc rt. tonsil, 2 nodes, 7 weeks radiation and chemo. No surgery. Teatment ended 3/20/08. PET scan 8/08 showed no cancer.
And now, as of oct, 2010, caregiver to wife, Linda, with breast cancer.
May, 2013, Linda diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Enuf already.
Deejer47 #120675 08-19-2010 04:54 PM
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Best wishes to you and your Mother for a speedy recovery!! Semper-Fi Bob


Bob age 57, non smoker,non drinker, ended treatment on 11 Nov 2007 and started back to work on 29 Nov 2007. Veterans Day 2012 the Battle was lowered, folded, Taps was played and the Flag buried as I am know a 5 year survivor. Semper-FI !!!
Bob Whyte #120681 08-19-2010 05:43 PM
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Be strong


my mom, age 59.

12/08 surgery & 33x rad
4/09 recurrence
5/09 surgery & 35x rad
12/09 recurrence
1/10 surgery. peg tube, trach, fibula free flap
6/10 recurrence. double chemo treatments.
8/10/10 finally at peace in heaven
EmilyE #120691 08-20-2010 12:55 AM
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Dragon Offline OP
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Everyone thank you We just went to the doctor today turns out that the home health nurse really screwed up with the pressure bandage and made it far to tight so she hurt her ear and to top it off a hematoma that had to be drained plus a lower chest cough that is pointing to the thinking that she is getting sick I swear this crazy On top of all that She has a pic lline that needs to stay atatche dto one iv or the other and on top of it all I am juggling a 5 month old and honestly I just feel kind of burnt at both ends Does that make me a bad person. To top it off even though my dad is trying he went back to work as soon as she got home so I had to take time and I have 3 jobs calling me back Plus I feel like I took over my moms position like I ahve had to all my life and then I feel so bad that I want to take a break Like I am commiting a crime for wanting a break so I dont ake not that I am being offered one break I just want her to be healthy and I want to only have to take care of my sone not my son dad momm and the house Do I sound like a really bad person? Please be honest with me I will feel betterwith sincere then with a cheerful liar


Let me be the lender of strength, wisdom, and heart. Let me be the one who helps you spread your wings.
Dragon #120692 08-20-2010 01:01 AM
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I am sorry that was a horriable post please forgive me If I saw how I would delete it again I am sorry for coming off like that it sounded like I want a break from my mom that is not true at all I am really soory for .. You know I started on here when I was seventeen I cant belive it seems like yesterday and a 100 years ago all in one


Let me be the lender of strength, wisdom, and heart. Let me be the one who helps you spread your wings.
Dragon #120694 08-20-2010 03:56 AM
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This is just a tough journey all together, I have a small family and that is just what we do, WORK TOGETHER. Without them and you guys I would be dead already, I wanted to run away to mexico so bad you do not understand. Do what you can and do not overwhelm yourself for yo will be extremely appreciated. Like I tell my fiance, doing what you can is enough, even if it is just letting the dogs out, or letting me be the whiney lazy one lol. You are solid and will get through, you have a lot on your plate but you will notice it slowly being relieved. Remain Steadfast and stay strong, through the worst we prevail!

Nate


SCC left lateral tongue, left neck dissection. 2 nodes positive. 3 All Clear then ITS BACK 8/23/11 Shows 1cm in tongue in CT SCAN, Radial Free Arm Flap with Radical Neck Dissection 9/20/11 , All Nodes Negative, But Tongue Tumor Poorly Differentiated. Awaiting next step in treatment on 10/5/11... RIP Nate 7/28/12
Nate82 #120700 08-20-2010 06:47 AM
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Dragon, you don't sound horrible at all. You sound human.

Many years ago, when my kids were little(we have 4), my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My folks lived an hour away, my mom fell apart and I thought at times I was losing my mind, running back and forth, working and raising the kids. I didn't know who to give my attention to first and I was so tired all the time. I'm guessing that is what you are going through.

What helped me was to remind myself that I was only one person and I could only do so much. No one (except my awesome husband) was going to say "stop, you are doing too much." I had to figure out when I needed breaks and GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO TAKE THEM WITHOUT GUILT!!!
Try to take it easier on yourself and keep coming here for support.


CG to Spouse BOT, Chemo and radiation started on March 29,2010
Ended on May 14,2010. LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!!
SusanW #120718 08-20-2010 11:53 AM
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Dragon, you have nothing to apologize for. We all (survivors, patients and caregivers) need to come here and rant now and then. We all understand and are greatful for this forum where we can rant and be understood.


David R. 65 yr old male non-smoker, light drinker, stage 3 or 4, depending on which doc you ask, scc rt. tonsil, 2 nodes, 7 weeks radiation and chemo. No surgery. Teatment ended 3/20/08. PET scan 8/08 showed no cancer.
And now, as of oct, 2010, caregiver to wife, Linda, with breast cancer.
May, 2013, Linda diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Enuf already.
Deejer47 #120719 08-20-2010 11:58 AM
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What about having a visiting nurse? I have a picc line too and I have weekly visits from a nurse to change the picc line dressing and take blood. She should also qualify for a home health aid. They can help her domestically like dishes, meals, getting dressed and bathed, laundry, etc. If you could get some help a few days per week, that would greatly alleviate your workload and stress.

Wishing you the best of luck.


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
ChristineB #120724 08-20-2010 01:34 PM
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Dragon Offline OP
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The home healt nurse was horriable and ended up really doing some dameage to her head and causing alot of undue pain it was fixed but still


Let me be the lender of strength, wisdom, and heart. Let me be the one who helps you spread your wings.
Dragon #120734 08-20-2010 04:08 PM
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Hi dragon, i know what youre going through. i think youre just a bit younger than me but i cared for my mom for the last 2 years of her life (along with my stepdad).
i think its completely normal to feel the things you are feeling - youre not mad at your mom but the cancer for changing your life and your families life. when a family deals with cancer (or perhaps any illness) for a long time, i think it can make the family sick as well. sometimes i found myself thinking things i did not really mean..when her odor would get so bad or she couldnt stop coughing or when she would try to talk to me and i coudlnt understand her and shed get frustrated, i would just ask god, 'why wont you just take her now!!?' Of course I didnt really want him to. It just breaks us all down at times.
you have to still do some things for yourself. i would go out with friends on a friday or saturday just to feel some normalcy for a few hours.
your mom would want you to do the same..every time i kissed my mom goodbye shed tell me to have fun and to not hurry back.

id give anything to do it all over with her again, every ugly minute of it. so please enjoy every second you have with her, whether it be good or bad.


my mom, age 59.

12/08 surgery & 33x rad
4/09 recurrence
5/09 surgery & 35x rad
12/09 recurrence
1/10 surgery. peg tube, trach, fibula free flap
6/10 recurrence. double chemo treatments.
8/10/10 finally at peace in heaven
EmilyE #120739 08-20-2010 05:53 PM
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Sorry to hear the aid didnt work out.


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
ChristineB #120743 08-20-2010 07:12 PM
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Dragon Offline OP
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I took an hour for myself and when i came back it was like a miracle I could deal with it that and I found I have a few more people that are willing to help its a nice feeling to know someone cares enough to help to everybody you were right take the lil while to stay sane and you help everyone yahoo too all im back and ready to rumba


Let me be the lender of strength, wisdom, and heart. Let me be the one who helps you spread your wings.
Dragon #120744 08-20-2010 08:05 PM
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When my husband was sick, people offered to help. If you are getting the same offers, take them. People love to feel helpful. Things like picking up the mail, dry cleaning, groceries, getting the oil changed in the car, watching your baby while you do some running around, can make your life easier. Don't be afraid to ask those who have offered for help. If the visiting nurse didn't work out, call the agency for whom she is working and DEMAND (in a nice but assertive way) a different, more experienced nurse, Tell them the problem you had with her/him. They should be made aware of it. And good for you that you took some time for yourself. You have so much more to give when you put yourself first!

All the best--
Anita


Anita (68)
CG to husband, Clark, 79,
DX SCC 11/07, T4N0Mx, PEG 1/08, RAD, post rad infection 3/08,
HBOT 40 dives, ORN, Surg 11/09 mandibulectomy w/fibular graft.
Plastic Surg 4/10, 12/10, 3/11, 10/11, 4/12, 10/12. All PETS clear,
PEG out 1/11. 6/11 non union jaw fracture
Fractured jaw w/surgery 7/14
Aspiration pneumonia 7/21, 10/22
PEG 7/21
Botox injections
Dragon #120745 08-20-2010 08:05 PM
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Woohoo!!! So glad to hear Dragon. Its amazing how even a few minutes to yourself doing something you like can change your thinking!!
Emily so well said. Even in your time of grief to come on here and still offer advice is so inspirational. You are still in my prayers. Hugs!!!


CG to Sister (42). Smoker quit @ diagnosis Dx 4/20/10 SCC T2N0M0, Rside of tongue Hemigloss R neck dis, all nodes removed 6/2/10, Trach and NG in, home 6/8/10,8/18/2010 start erbitux x6, 30 IMRT end 10/11/10 with only 3x erbitux due to reaction and one week off of rads
1/10/2011 Clear PET!!!
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