Palm,

My niece is having her wedding at the end of April. Last September, her future MIL was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. As her condition deteriorated, my niece and her fiance decided to get married in a small private ceremony for immediate family only with a luncheon to follow on a Saturday in November. The MIL passed away a few weeks later. Now, she and her husband are having the Wedding in April they have been planning with family, and friends in attendance.

My niece and her husband were very happy that his Mom could be a part of their marriage ceremony.

Just a thought-
Anita

[quote=davidcpa]Another suggestion, elope and then have your "wedding" whenever boss dad says it's OK with him.[/quote]

Har! That's almost exactly what my ex and I did to avoid a controlling mother-in-law. We held a surprise, three-day notice, wedding in a small chapel and then had a reception a month or so later.

well, good news, my fiance and i spoke this weekend and he agreed with me that we should keep our wedding date as is. we are going to speak with his parents this weekend, we told them we want to talk about the wedding, not sure if they know what though... thankyou all for your advice. pray it goes well!!!

Best of luck with your wedding discussions with your future in-laws. I am glad to see you are going ahead with the September wedding..

Go with your wedding plans - if your FIL's want to come they will - you have no control over anyone attending or not attending...all you have control over is the invite list, not the attended list - if the FIL's don't come, make sure you have plenty of pictures made so that you can show it to them AND DO NOT RESENT THEM AT ALL! They are doing the best they can. Jim and were married quietly by the Justice of the Peace and I kept asking shouldn't we have invited his parents - he said, no, because they wouldn't be interested. Jim had never been married before. Since being in this wonderful family, I have learned they did want to attend, but respected Jim's wishes because he was still reeling from the "cancer diagnos" a few weeks earlier. So, go with what makes y'all happy and the rest will fall into place.....Good Luck!
Paula

ahhh ok. we had THE TALK yesterday. it was like ripping off a bandaid- it sucked, but im glad its over, and theyre not happy, but they understand. thanks to all of you who helped me realize this is the right thing to do.

Palm,
I'm in the same situation as FFIL; waiting for surgery and frustrated, depressed, embarrassed by my looks. I force myself to go out with my friends and I'm glad I do because it helps lift my spirits. My suggestion to you would be to make them part of the planning process as much as you can. Give the FIL's something to do; phone calls; having a voice in picking your menu, your flowers, your invitations, etc. I know that being an active part in my family helps keep my mind off what I have to face. It's not easy for him to put this out of his mind but the more often he can get his mind off it the better he'll feel about it. I'm invited to a wedding in July and I probably won't attend because of how I look. People are supposed to be looking at the bride, not the freak side show! I use a peg tube to eat so what does one do at the dinner table while everyone else is eating a wonderful meal? I think if you give him enough to do to make him feel he is participating in your special day, it will be enough for him. Maybe he'd be comfortable sitting in the back of the church after everyone is down the isle. Perhaps you can plan to stop off to see them for an afternoon tea before the reception. There are lots of possibilities to make them feel a real part of your day without having to be there. Talk to your FMIL for ideas; she might know what he'd like. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
Pat C

thanks i appreciate all your suggestions patcey. im definitely going to include them in the planning as much as possible.
also we decided that en lieu of favors, we will be making a donation in everyone's name to OCF! we thought that was a great way to show him how important his recovery is to us and donate to a meaningful cause in our lives.

Out of curiosity, where are you in NJ?
What hospital or treatment center does your FIL use?
Patcey 1

FFIL is in syracuse, i am in NJ though.