| | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 76 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | OP  Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 76 | Hi all,
my future FIL ended his rad/chemo treatments a couple weeks ago. he had a minor set back last week with an infection in his mouth. they just found out from the surgeon that reconstruction will not happen for at least 6 months and are very down, to say the least, emotionally. they were expecting it sooner (although i was not). what can i recommend for them to help improve their morale day by day? i am worried about their motivation slipping because there is little to look towards.
my fiance and i have a wedding planned for september and now we don't know if it will be able to happen.
*KATIE*
future FIL dx with s4 SCC in jaw11/09 15 hour surg/trach/PEG in. 7 weeks of cisplatin/rads. 6/10- cancerous lung nodule- 1 wk of radiation. 8/13 pneumonia. 8/24 pulmonary embolism, on ventillator. 9/3/10 died peacefully w/o pain with family. 9/17/10 my wedding
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Go for the wedding. That will give more inner feelings of making it thru and put your minds on something else. I was asked 3 times to marry the one I had and kept saying no because I knew I had OC before a biopsy was even done. She left me when it was confirmed and my mistake was saying no to her. Go for the good life and be happy whatever happens. Life is what you make it.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 76 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | OP Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 76 | thank you JIm, im sorry that she left you when you needed her most.  there are thoughts of pushing the wedding back a year, but my concern is, we dont know whats going to happen 1 yr from now... i dont want to be selfish, but im also trying to be realistic..... my fiance is concerned about my future FIL feeling uncomfortable at the wedding and not being able to participate and talk...
*KATIE*
future FIL dx with s4 SCC in jaw11/09 15 hour surg/trach/PEG in. 7 weeks of cisplatin/rads. 6/10- cancerous lung nodule- 1 wk of radiation. 8/13 pneumonia. 8/24 pulmonary embolism, on ventillator. 9/3/10 died peacefully w/o pain with family. 9/17/10 my wedding
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 6 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 6 | Social functions will be difficult for a long time for your FIL. While nobody can truly understand what its like unless they themselves have walked out in public after this type of procedure. Its really very very difficult to find joy in daily things when your disfigured. There is only 1 other member of OCF that has undergone similar operations as your FIL and myself and become lets say 'facially challenged'. Im sorry but I dont have any bright ideas to help them be more positive. Getting outside in warmer weather and soaking up a little sunshine helps.
As far as your wedding plans go. In my opinion, I would have to say go on with your plans. You cant put your life on hold because of this. I was in a similar life changing event recently also. My son was going to delay going into the Marines due to my health, he twice delayed his entry with my first and second rounds of OC. This time, I told him to go and make a life for himself. If he waits til I get better then he could be waiting for years. Thats why I say go on with your plans. It will be something your FIL will enjoy and be so proud of. This probably will give him something to look forward to and to strive for to heal. Everybody needs a goal, a purpose in life. This might be exactly what he needs.
Sorry I dont have any other advice to help this situation. Best of luck with your decisions, upcoming marriage, and your FILs recovery.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 307 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 307 | You're not being selfish at all...I say go for the wedding. I bet if you asked your future FIL about this he wouldn't want you putting your wedding on hold because of him. Life is too short....live it to the fullest!
Shelley
Caregiver to husband Ron. Throat Cancer. Finished 35 radiation treatments on 11/21/04. 8/2/11 small lesion on lower gum, laser Procedure to remove. 3/6/12 Doc. removed another lesion on outside of his neck. Did a skin graft from his chest to replace the skin on his neck. Went to Heaven on 6/24/12.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 | PT:
I think if you cancel the wedding date because of the setback your FIL had, he might end up feeling guilty, and he sure doesn't need that. So, my vote is to "go for the wedding, as planned."
Jim, with that wonderful, jovial personality you have, plus the true feelings you emit in your posts, it's hard to believe anyone wouldn't want to be with you. Perhaps she just wasn't the one.
Julieann
Julieann Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer | | | | | Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 235 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 235 | Also voting for the wedding. My husband is the one with OC and I have no doubt he would agree. As parents, there is incredible joy in seeing your kids happy.
Having something to look forward to and celebrate could be good for everyone...
CG to Spouse BOT, Chemo and radiation started on March 29,2010
Ended on May 14,2010. LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!!
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 76 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | OP Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 76 | i agree, this is what i thought was the best thing, until i was told yesterday that FIL told fiance if there was a september wedding "he did not think he could go"...
i am not sure if that means he feels he would be too uncomfortable?
thanks everyone for your suggestions and support.
christine, who is the other member that you said has had the similar surgery? is it ezjim?
*KATIE*
future FIL dx with s4 SCC in jaw11/09 15 hour surg/trach/PEG in. 7 weeks of cisplatin/rads. 6/10- cancerous lung nodule- 1 wk of radiation. 8/13 pneumonia. 8/24 pulmonary embolism, on ventillator. 9/3/10 died peacefully w/o pain with family. 9/17/10 my wedding
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Not yet I haven't had the jaw removed even tho they want to take the jaw, tongue, lower my stomache back to it's original location in my stomache and do the trach and feeding tube thing. They want to use my left shoulder to rebuild, Christine is one that I look up to with my thinking on doing it. She;s a tough lady for sure.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Julieann,, thanks for the compliment. I don't think so either now after what has replaced me.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
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