I just want to tell the cancer patients and their families. I have been reading your messages and followups. I was in the Marines for 8 years and served with some brave and tough characters. But it is on this board that I have found the bravest people I have ever met. You are also the nicest. I know I will make some dumb remarks if I get to stay around, but I have yet to see a 'cut' or disparaging remark by anyone. I don't feel so alone anymore. Thank you.

Thank you Milton
Brave I'm not sure...If I could have found a way to do it I would have run away from this cancer thing.

Nice, I'll take that complement and as my kids say: It takes one to know one.

Take care

Hi Milton:

Welcome to the OCF Board-it is amazing how many new and committed members have joined even since I did in August, 2002. You are indeed among the elite of veteran oral cancer survivors here without the downside of arrogance or lack of humility. In contrast, the folks here are genuine in their concern, respect, and humor. As you stick around you will also find the virtual "ESP phenomenon " exists here. Just when it seems the low point is so low it's an abyss, someone here notices and kicks in gently (or not so gently if you can handle it) to bolster your courage. Of course, some members are more fesity than others so if you like colorful but with good intentions-you have come to the right place.

I find myself wondering on a daily basis how someone from the forum is doing and I am confident people do the same about myself and Dave. I can truly say some of the original members on this forum kept me sane during David's surgery last September and continue to provide emotional refuge abnd inspiration for me when I ask for help and sometimes when I don't but they know I need it before I've noticed.The other most amazing factor here is the speediness of the replies which makes feeling alone and desperate a fairly short lived experience.

The best news is...it's not like welcome wagon here-when the gift basket of goodies is gone you aren't done...it's gracious and welcoming here 24/7.

In closing, let's remember that the tone gets set from the top and we are remarkably fortunate to have Brian's honesty, candor, and unique lens on life to keep us all centered.

Best,

Kim

I tend to agree with Mrark that if I had had an option, I would have chosen to be just an ordinary housewife and not a brave fighter in this life battle. People around keep on saying that I have been such a tough, strong lady that they have never met, I can certainly win the battle in the end.. Although I know all these words come from their good intention, I still feel a bit too tired sometimes of hearing this.

Karen stage 4 tonsil cancer diagnosed in 9/01.

Exactly, Karen! When the only options are no treatment = pain then death, or treatment = pain and extended survival, I don't think the choice is brave, just no-brainer obvious. However, I suspect that the people who see us and make those comments wonder if they could do what we are doing, because they have never had to make that very simple decision. In the end, though, if we didn't start out tough, we sure do end up that way!
Joanna

After posting the message and reading the replies I now feel I may have used a bad word. I would never want to hurt anyone. I had a choice this morning, either crawl back in my dungeon or post another msg. I don't like the dungeon. I have been out of treatment for 2 yrs but I'm not sure if I have survived yet. Employers frown on old guys w/cancer history so I have not found a job I can hold up doing. I have to watch my wife go to work while I stay home and that hurts. When I used the 'brave' word I was thinking of a friend of mine who lost her husband and went on anyway and my brothers wife who lost my brother to cancer and went on anyway. ...I was a little guy in school(nearly 100 by graduation) and an easy target for bullies, but I went to school and finished. In the Marines I had a few busted bones from bullies but I served my time honorably. Cancer is the last bully I have encountered and it left me pretty beat-up but I'll get up everyday,shave, write my books, keep my shirttail tucked in and try to smile even if my face does hurt. I never did like bullies.

Milton,

Glad you came out of the dungeon. I personally spend most of my time in the dog house.

I don't quite believe you hurt anybody's feelings, I know I get embarassed when people call me brave. I think Joanna hit the nail on the head. You probably went through your treatment as well as any of us, you just may not see it that way.

As has been said - we just did it because it beats the alternative.

We are glad you're here and I'm sure you will contribute greatly to the knowledge of the message board.

Take care,
Dinah

Yes, Milton, welcome! No hurt feelings here. I jsut related to Karen being tired of people telling her how wonderful she is. None of us chose to have cancer, we just deal with it or not. Although this is a club no one wants to join, it is always nice to have a new member. Come back often.
Joanna

Hi Milton,
I have to weigh in on this on also. People tell me all the time how "brave I am" and that I am a "warrior" and I look around the room to see who they are talking too because I am NOT brave, I am NOT a warrior and I'm just as scared as the next person with this disease! The choice between treatment and death is pretty much a no brainer. I realize that there may be a few who might opt for the latter but I have yet to meet them (and certainly they wouldn't be in our little group). Maybe I should qualify the "scared" comment I made earlier. I was scared in the beginning, now it's more like just an "unpleasant task" I must deal with every day. Some days being better than others. The unpleasantness sometimes dimishing (hopefully). I would trade this (as Joanna says) in a "New York minute" to go back to my old self. If there is any semblance to bravery it would have to be that we are willing to share it for the good of others, meaning we have to confront our experiences a lot more than maybe we are comfortable. But there are rewards for being in service to others so does that really count as bravery?

Hey Milton, Don't feel bad about saying what you think. You'll know soon enough if you say something that REALLY gets us going.

There is a secret that we know and others do not. That is: we never know from minute to minute what is going to get us. Even before the cancer this was true, and after cancer this is still true. (I don't mean this to be depressing) People whom haven't experienced this kind of thing, go about each day assuming that tommorrow will come. They miss out on the detail and quality of today! Think about that! it is a gift life has given us. To cause us to focus, to learn what is important, to carry on. When we get to the end of our journey on earth (we all will cancer or not) no matter how long that is we will be able to look back and know that we saw life with brighter color, louder sound, more intense feeling than many other people get to experience.

I think that is pretty cool!