| | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | OP  Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 | Life has once again staggered me emotionally these past few days. I once prided myself in being able to take anything that came my way...and now while I feel I still can/do, it just amazes me what life holds everyday.
Yesterday I had a wonderful day with the love of my life, my wife of 10 years. We spent the day Christmas shopping and enjoying each others company, which we surprisingly don't get to do very often. After a day of laughter, jokes and the joy of the season...I got a call that my youngest sister had taken her own life. She was almost 20.
I don't understand suicide, especially after spending the better part of two years fighting for my life. I of course was/am very sad, but also pissed off at her decision to end her life. I guess I'm just hoping that she finds the peace in death that eluded her in life.
Today was a great day, I just had all of the gauze, sutures, staples, stiches and almost everything else they left in me after having a XII-VII gloss-facial nerve graft and skin graft on Dec. 1st. My surgeon said the surgery went great and that to give me the best possible chance at restored facial function he used 100% of my tongue nerve to graft into my facial nerve. He said everything is healing well and I should be able to start to see improvements in the basics, eating, drinking, speech etc...
Throughout the day I was amazed at how I could drink without dribbling on myself, eat without most of it falling out of my mouth, swallow without as much water. My speech has been clearer but there is definetly work to do there...however if it keeps improving I can see myself back working in my old profession again.
I just see it as every breath is a gift...and where I feel the loss and my family is mourning my sister's decision, I'm going to continue to live appreciating each peak and valley. I'm going to focus on recovering what I've lost...which is just about everything but the most important things, wife, family and friends.
Putting this down has helped me get this out, as always I'm thankful for this forum and this group of people.
Eric
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.
| | | | | Joined: May 2009 Posts: 1,412 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: May 2009 Posts: 1,412 | Eric,
you are one strong young frack. I could not imagine going through what your are going through right now. I want to say thank you for being that encouragement to me. I will be praying for your family.
Angelia
31 at Dx.
DX: 4/30/09, 10/21/09 SCC on floor of mouth,
T1NOMO, T2N1M0
TX: 39 IMRT, 8 cisplatin 11/30/09
PET/CT: 11/03/09: Lymph node involvement
PEG/PORT: 11/09
TX end: 02/01/10
PET Scan: 04/05/10 clear
PEG Out: 06/21/10
Biopsy: 12/23/10: fibrosis
HBO: 01/04/11 - ORN
Baby girl born 11-30-12
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | Eric,
I am so sorry about your sister. What a waste.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | Eric
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. Its so unfotrunate that she was so troubled she decided to end her life. She was so young. Thats the same age as my son Travis, which makes it even more shocking to me. May you and your family find peace in remembering all the good memories of your sister.
What a complete turn around you are doing!!!! Just amazing what this surgery is doing for you. Keep up the good work with your speech and eating.
Condolenses and Congrats too.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 701 Likes: 1 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 701 Likes: 1 | Eric,
Your strength and commitment to fight for yourself and your family are remarkable especially after the loss of your sister. Keep on forging ahead! And thank you again for your encouraging words. You have a lot of friends here who are cheering you on!
My condolences-
Anita
Anita (68)
CG to husband, Clark, 79,
DX SCC 11/07, T4N0Mx, PEG 1/08, RAD, post rad infection 3/08,
HBOT 40 dives, ORN, Surg 11/09 mandibulectomy w/fibular graft.
Plastic Surg 4/10, 12/10, 3/11, 10/11, 4/12, 10/12. All PETS clear,
PEG out 1/11. 6/11 non union jaw fracture
Fractured jaw w/surgery 7/14
Aspiration pneumonia 7/21, 10/22
PEG 7/21
Botox injections
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 476 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 476 | Hi Eric. I'm so glad that things are going so well with your recovery. Suicide is so selfish and leaves so much pain to those that are left behind to try and make sense of it all. Continue enjoying your wife, kids and what is most important in life. I'm so happy that surgery went so well for you.
Wanda (47) caregiver to husband John (56) age at diag.(2009)
1-13-09 diagnosed Stage IV BOT SCC (HPV+)
2-12-09 PEG placed, 7-6-09 removed
Cisplatin 7 weeks, 7 weeks (35) IMRT
4-15-09 - treatment completed
8-09,12-09-CT Scans clear, 4-10,6-11-PET Scans clear
4-2013 - HBO (30 dives) tooth extraction
10-2019 - tooth extraction, HBO (10 dives)
11-2019 - Left lateral tongue SCC - Stage 2
| | | | | Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 307 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 307 | Eric,
I'm so happy to hear you are recovering so well. That is great! My condolences about your sister. I don't understand suicide either. It is a permament solution to a temporary problem. I pray that she has found peace....You just keep loving that wonderful family of your's and continue to recover.
All the best,
Shelley
Caregiver to husband Ron. Throat Cancer. Finished 35 radiation treatments on 11/21/04. 8/2/11 small lesion on lower gum, laser Procedure to remove. 3/6/12 Doc. removed another lesion on outside of his neck. Did a skin graft from his chest to replace the skin on his neck. Went to Heaven on 6/24/12.
| | | | | Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 | Eric,
What a tragic ending to such a beautiful day. I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so glad to hear that your surgery was so successful. it must be a wonderful feeling to finally be doing all these things. Here's to a successful and speedy recovery.
Take care,
Eileen
----------------------
Aug 1997 unknown primary, Stage III
mets to 1 lymph node in neck; rt ND, 36 XRT rad
Aug 2001 tiny tumor on larynx, Stage I total laryngectomy; left ND
June 5, 2010 dx early stage breast cancer
June 9, 2011 SCC 1.5 cm hypo pharynx, 70% P-16 positive, no mets, Stage I
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 33 Contributing Member (25+ posts) | | Contributing Member (25+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 33 | Eric,
I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss of your sister.
You are (another) inspiration to me. My family and girl-friend tell me I've been so brave and strong.
When I read so many of the posts from such fine people here--both fighters, and caregivers--I realize that they haven't seen what brave and strong is!
I wish you only the best of the best!
Joel
Age 49, HPV 16+ SCC, T1N2bM0, Stage IV R Tonsil, 2 nodes, nonsmoker, lite drinker, 100 mile/wk biker, workout, play hockey, Tx:10/26--12/15/09, IMRT x35 70Gy, no surgery, Cis 1st rnd til some tinnitus loss after day 2, carbo next 3 wks, Peg in 3rd wk;still ate some solids 6th wk. 2012/05 Still Clean
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 595 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 595 | My condolences on the loss of your sister. hope your recovery goes well!! Semper-Fi Bob
Bob age 57, non smoker,non drinker, ended treatment on 11 Nov 2007 and started back to work on 29 Nov 2007. Veterans Day 2012 the Battle was lowered, folded, Taps was played and the Flag buried as I am know a 5 year survivor. Semper-FI !!!
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