JoJo

Your post gives me the opportunity to add another Nietzsche quote to the OCF mix (I have to keep up with Christine & EricS)
[quote]�Out of damp and gloomy days, out of solitude, out of loveless words directed at us, conclusions grow up in us like fungus: one morning they are there, we know not how, and they gaze upon us, morose and gray. Woe to the thinker who is not the gardener but only the soil of the plants that grow in him.�[/quote]
Sounds like you are a gardener, weeding out the self-pity.
Charm

Charm,

Your reply is beautiful. I got teary eyed reading it and at the end I laughed out loud. Thanks for your heartfelt words. You gave me a lot to think about.

Much of my husband's reluctance in participating outside of our home right now is based on his lack of energy, level of pain and this persistent infection. He gets so wiped out. Right now he is napping--we were out for about an hour this morning.

You are so right that our connections with friends are so important. We have had a few folks stop by for visits. And we will be celebrating Christmas with family.

As a caregiver, I have to push myself sometimes to get out and away from this stuff even for an hour at a time. And I do feel guilty that I CAN escape from it when he can't. I love him so much and I want to spend as much time as I can with him.

It's all a tricky balance. Did anyone take a picture of you in your Tang Chinese warrior outfit? Thanks so much--you made my day!

Anita

Anita

How very nice of you. I must confess that I have worn that outfit not only to my retirement ceremony but also to my 40th High School Reunion - since the invitation said "dressy casual" as well as to the American Society of Mosaic Artist's ball. I was the only gentleman at all of these events with a long flowing silk gown and brocade vest. I do not cut as dashing a figure as the movie star shown here - just scroll down past the disney ad: Tang Dynasty costume but you can get the effect.
Charm

Anita

I forgot to add how much I can relate to how your husband feels. The song by Snow Patrol : Chasing Cars not only has evocative lyrics but an appropriate tone of what this period is like. Every-time it comes on the radio, my caregiver wife and I tear up. It was on during the worse period of TX for me as I lay on the couch seemingly forever
[quote]We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel[/quote]

I love this song but never knew the lyrics. thank you.
Charm- I'm so happy that you are still the life of the party

The news of Stephanie's death puts this thread into perspective. When I was alone at night in the hospital and posting here at OCF after the surgery, she was the first one to answer me. Now she is gone. In looking back at the archives, I see that the second person to answer me on that thread was Patty -( Good 1)who also has left us. That makes two out of the only three people who comforted me that night taken by this disease.
There was a little ditty in the paper the other day that went something like this: [quote]Christmas Season draws near, not much reason for cheer, but at least I'm still here[/quote]
I need to remember that.
Charm

We all need to remember that Charm ,especially those of us consumed with self pity at what our lives have become thanks to Cancer.Stephanie was so young and had so much to look forward to its tragic and unfair and downright SUCKS.
On Sunday i went to the hospice Light Up A Life service in memory of loved ones lost and a 16 year old with an amazing voice sang Run by Snow Patrol.The words were haunting

"Run"

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Liz

All too true and well said. Since we are on a Snow Patrol roll, here are the entire lyrics to Chasing Cars for MissKate

[quote]
"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

[/quote]

I so much identify with things you all are saying. So much of our social life centers around food. While I am trying to eat more, it takes so long to eat anything! My husband and I went to a party Saturday night, and I was so proud of myself that I ate two meatballs and two pieces of shrimp...then I went home and had my good old Ensure. We are supposed to go to a Christmas party tonight, and I probably won't be able to eat much there, either, but we always have homemade pie, and hopefully someone will have made some cream pies. (Lemon Merangue sounds pretty good.)

zengalib,

If you would add a Signature Line we could identify more with your post above. For instance it was a long time post Tx before I a lemon merangue pie would have tasted sweet to me so reading your time line would help me to understand where you are post Tx.