Brian

I confess that I had overlooked this very good article. I will keep it handy for quick replies to some of the newer posters who do raise it. In defense of those who just read this forum, the jokes and "black humor" in many posts are much funnier and more entertaining than the examples she gives. (I still laugh at the Hotel CAncer thread started by someone else - modesty prohibits me from mentioning my own)
Seriously, her excerpts were very good reading. thanks
Charm

I bought the book David has linked in the section he links to. I liked it immensely.

Joel

I also admit I don't always check out all the good info on the main page. When I found this site and these forums I was so thrilled to find people like me and I've been on the forums almost day since. I should look at the great information on there. I do look at the store and I bought a t-shirt...lol

Just to chime in here, I was told when I first started down this cancer path that the only thing I could control during this whole process was my attitude and my nutrition....the rest is up to my medical professionals and how my body reacts to the treatment.

I took this as that I had to maintain a smile on my face at all times, when most of the time I was either drugged out of my gourd or sick as a dog fed antifreeze. I used my time to read great books like Viktor Frankle's "Mans Search For Meaning" or "Touching the Void" among others to read of other mens struggle to live and what they were willing to endure to stay alive.

I realized I didn't have to skip down the streets singing hymns and spreading the "magic". All I did was think about Nietzche's quote "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"". I focused on my "why", followed my medical teams protocols and raised both my middle fingers to cancer.

Eric is so right on in his post. I have often used and been very fond of that Nietzche quote, and I think it applies to many of us. You really don't know what you can do until you have to. I learned that bit about myself doing things that most people think they are not capable of, or are sure they would never actually do, years ago in some little crap hole of a place that I couldn't even pronounce the name of. I am stronger as a result of some of those things, and not proud of others. Cancer treatments were a similar challenge. This all translates to another truism in my life, which is that in many things - I do not change, until the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of the change itself. I think Eric should add the Nietzche saying to his signature, he clearly epitomizes it.

Eric, thank you for that reminder. I need to focus on the "Why", which are my beautiful children.

There you go Angelia, that's what I did. I looked at the faces of my beautiful wife and amazing childen and I told myself that I would go through the depths of hell to stay with them. They were and will always be my why. Keep your chin tucked and your guard up girl...you can't win a fight if you don't strike back.

I am striking back and am hoping to keep ym spirits high. The times get really hard when the kids start asking why I have tube or why they can not come cuddle with me anymore. I simply have to tell them because you kick in the middle of the night and that hurts my stomach. My seven year old asked me "When is it going to get bad?" That was a hard question because I could not answer it.

Angelia

the answer is easy: NEVER. It never gets bad because we just won't let it. Never give up, never give in. (although you can always just change your mind - apologies to Billy Joel).
Why oh Why indeed. "Bluebirds fly over the rainbow, why oh why can't I." Because this is not Kansas, it is Hotel CAncer.
Keep the Faith
Charm

Angelia

I can imagine how hard it is to hear those questions from your children. It's not going to be an easy road but you are a strong woman and always try to keep that in sight. I wish I had something better to say but I don't. I wish you didn't have to go through this and I will support you the best way I know how:)

xoxo
((((hugs))))