Suzanne methotrexate is a form of chemo given in tablet form by mouth.Back in the old days it was used in conjuction with another oral tablet whos name escapes me at the moment.

TL
The greatest fear is the "Fear of the Unknown." When I was first diagnosed, I just wanted to deny that anything was wrong.
I wanted to believe it would all go away. Forunately, I didn't let myself do it. Yes, cancer is scary, but it not as scary when you have all the information. Radiation and Chemo are manageable.

I would suggest that your boyfriends doctor prescibe an anxiety and a dperession medication.

Do anything you need to do to get your boyfriend on this site, both the Foundation information and the Support Group. He needs support from people who have been there and can answer his questions.
Please keep in touch so we may help you.

Sandyst

Suzanne, Methotrexate is an oral form of chemo. I should have stated that he was rejecting conventional chemo and radiation. I am having a very hard time with the fact that he will not allow the ccc he is working with the educate him. If they start to try to talk to him about the possibility of it spreading, where it could spread and what that would mean-- he walks out. He does not want to know his stage, the statistics or anything. I do not think he realizes that the precious time he is wasting could allow this to spread to his jaw, tongue or worse and that the results could greatly affect his quality of life- even if he wins the battle. He has developed infection around three of his fingernails this week- which he plans to lance himself. I will say STUPID, IGNORANT, SELFISH so that all of you do not have to. I am so mad today that I could scream. Without this forum to vent a little of my emotions, I do not know how I would make it. I love this man dearly- but lately it is like he hates me for being the only one who knows. It is like the fact that I know makes me guilty for the disease. He did not want to confide in me---I just kept pushing for information because his actions toward me change dramatically for no apparent reason. He turned cold and was withholding all affection (still does) without any reason I could see. He finally gave me the reason - his diagnosis- and said he did not want me or anyone else involved. He intends to do this "HIS WAY". Am I wrong to feel frustrated? I feel like if I continue to allow him to treat me this way because he is ill, it will continue after his recovery. I am so confused. Any advice is appreciated. Teresa

I think he should either appologize or you play his childish game and just walk out. I would bet the lite bulb in his head would start to flash then. If he had some treatments and it was further into them, he might have an excuse fro acting like that, but it's not that, it's all him. There are a lot of guys that would appreciate a woman like you.

Teresa
everything you are going through has been gone through here before by others.I know thats no consolation to you right now,but i just want you to know that self destrucion is not that unusual an emotion in cancer patients and is very hard to deal with.My husband wanted to kill himself from the day he was told he had it and it took every bit of feminine chicanery i could muster to get him to have treatment,but boy did he make me suffer throughout the next six months.He hated me asking the doctors questions and he hated me telling him what they said,he hated the fact that as a nurse i knew what i was talking about and sometimes he just hated me full stop.
Nothing you do will ever be harder ,and the hardest part may be telling him straight what a total arse he is being,but if he is as bad as you say it sounds like it will have to be done.Dont let your sympathy for his condition,cloud your reaction as a wife and a human being.If you wouldn't let him away with this behaviour before he was sick,then don't let him do it now.

The best thing you have done is find your way here and there are many like me who have been on the receiving end of bloody minded husbands so i know you will get all the help you need.

take care
liz

For the first time in 2 weeks- I was able to feel close to Brian. He had a bad day with the meds yesterday, but for whatever reason- was a little more accepting to me today. I was actually able to lay here with my head on his shoulder and have a conversation ( I know that sounds so small- but it is huge compared). A few smiles were shared and even a kiss goodbye before he left for home. For the first time in days- there was at least a signal that he still was alive emotionally. Thank God for small blessings!! How were these small moments taken for granted before the big word came into all of out lives? I look back to just a few short weeks ago when all seemed well and we could spend whole weekends in absolute bliss. The hunting trips we had planned for mid-October seem unlikely now. The cruise has been cancelled. The things that seemed so big seem like a long ago memory now and are overshadowed by just a simple half hour of sweet conversation and a kiss goodbye. Wow- this monster really changes life in a hurry.

Have the doctors told Brian that the Methotrexate will work to rid the cancer or will it just slow the progression? I don't know of anyone on the forum that was treated with that. Two years ago it was explained to my husband and I that chemo alone would not be a winning proposition. Although, my husband did not have surgery. Did Brian's surgery have clear margins?

I wish I had the answers to the questions that you have. I do not know about the margins- only that the trace in the blood was so low that is was not numbered. His doctors highly recommended radiation and intravenous chemo- Brian alone is making this decision. They told him there was a 30% chance that Methotrexate alone would work. He finally broke down today and said that he "May" agree to a single radiation treatment that the doctors said would "flash" the methotrexate and jump start his current treatment plan. He finally did share his illness with one other friend today- our vetinarian who is also a personal friend and cancer survivor- so I have someone who I can turn to a little. Thanks for your questions and effort in helping me through this. Teresa

Teresa,

As far as I know, there isn't a blood tests to detect oral cancer. So, I am not sure what trace you are referring to.

Do you go to the doctors with Brian? I'd just ask the doctor, if I were you. Either they had clear margins and they were telling Brian to get radiation and chemo because this cancer is so aggressive that they were working on the side of caution. Or, the margins were not clear and radiation and chemo were recommended as a measure to help save his life.

I realize Brian doesn't want to know the facts, but do YOU know the facts about how aggressive and deadly this cancer is?

Margaret, No, he does not allow me to go to the dr with him- or for that matter - to even know which dr he is seeing. What he did tell me was that they did not take lymph nodes- they check them each time he goes, but have not performed biopsies on them. They did take blood and found very minimal traces. He was told it could spread via nodes, blood or spinal fluid ( which they also have not drawn). He also told me it was in the tissue only and had not spread to the bone. I do realize how deadly this disease is- but only from the information that I am finding on the internet. I do not think I fully realize how agressive it is. He thinks he will take 10 weeks of oral chemo (without anyone ever realizing he is taking it or without ever missing work)- get a few check-ups and that will be the end of it. I do realize that is unrealistic. Thanks for any input that you can offer. Teresa