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#148671 - 04/23/12 07:27 AM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Pandora99]
Jeanna F Offline
"OCF Down Under"
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 207
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Oh, that's great Rod has no cancer, he'll be able to go back to work soon won't he? must be happy he is in remission, you wouldn't be having to care for him so much anymore now would you?
Wife/Carer of Rod, 56, Dx 5/3/09, SCC Oropharnyx T4 N2, End Tx 28th 07/09, 7wks Rad, 3 Cisplatin, primary tonsil, 4cm Lymph right of neck, 1cm left, in jaw & soft palate & base of tongue. Peg 06/09. CT & PET scans 02/11 - NED. Dentures 20/09/11, PEG out 28/10/11.

#148741 - 04/25/12 07:07 AM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: KenEggman]
Jodezilla Offline

Registered: 04/06/12
Posts: 23
Loc: Oregon , USA
Originally Posted By: KenEggman
Funny. Some much of what people say is rhetorical and do not warrant an answer lest they get a truthful answer and run away crying. How are you? Do you really want to ask that question?

I have been a very sarcastic person most of my life short, usually not verbalizing all my thoughts, but later enjoying the stupidity of mankind as a reflection of WTF.

Not sure how I will respond when the questions roll in, sure do not want to offend those with good intentions.

There were only a few times where I told the truth (the day they found my second tumor) and it wasn't that good. It was like other people were more emotional and down about it than I was. Seeing other people get all quivery didn't help me stay in a good mind-frame so now I just say "good" when they ask how I am. Hopefully they understand and just encourage instead of pitty.
8/24/11- SCC stage3:tongue reconstruct from left arm & radical neck, feeding tube,trache.
3/28/12- SCC:radical neck again,chemo/radiation.
Started Cisplatin/radiation 5/2/12. Finished 6/13/12.
37yr old male.
7/19/13: All checks/scans have been good. Body weight and strength have return.

#148861 - 04/29/12 09:26 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Jodezilla]
klo Offline
"OCF Down Under"
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 05/18/10
Posts: 638
Loc: Sydney Australia
... you are having such a bad day, you react badly to ANYTHING that is said.

My MD told me he had run into Alex at the shopping centre and looked really good. This was at a time when Alex only showed his face on days he wasn't nauseous or exhausted, was at least 10kgs underweight and was clearly not looking good. Did I take this as encouragement as I should have? Nah!

My immediate response (on the inside luckily) was to get defensive. My interpretation was that our MD was questioning the amount of time off I was taking since Alex was clearly doing so well.

Our poor well meaning friends and acquaintances don't have a chance as on some days we will handle and think nothing of their comments and indeed, may welcome them. On others we will go off like a firecracker at the same comment.
Love of Life to Alex T4N2M0 SCC Tonsil, BOT, R lymph nodes
Dx March 2010 51yrs. Unresectable. HPV+ve
Tx Chemo x 3+1 cycles(cisplatin,docetaxel,5FU)- complete May 31
Chemoradiation (IMRTx35 + weekly cisplatin)
Finish Aug 27
Return to work 2 years on
3 years out Aug 27 2013 NED smile
Still underweight

#148862 - 04/29/12 09:56 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: klo]
terrib Offline
Senior Member (100+ posts)

Registered: 02/05/12
Posts: 151
Loc: MN
Yes, it is a good thing that we have more manners and ettiquette than some of our well meaning friends and relatives. One friend who I have heard her numerous times ask "what is someone's prognosis or chances" had me ready when she would eventually ask me. I just gave her a look that said it all. I don't know what it looked like but it should of shown that it was something I didn't want to discuss in a casual way with others around. Hopefully showed my fear, did she want to know that even if I could say 90% that who would want to face that their husband has a 10% chance of leaving us. Do they realize the reality of some of our answers. She later apologized and I was able to graciously tell her this is not the question we want to just casually answer.

Another time I just bit my tongue when we briefly met with a relative we barely see and he asked us "now come on, what's the deal with the cancer, did they get it all". It was like "come on, give me the facts and don't keep anything back". The sad thing was this was a Pastor who I hope doesn't deal with people like this in situations I know he encounters.

I guess even before this journey started 6 months ago I never felt I had the right to ask this of anyone. Even when my niece had leukemia I would of never dreamed of asking my brother.
Husband diagnosed Oct '11 Cancer of the vocal cord Nov '11 removed right vocal cord. Neck Dissection, cancer in one node, .2, very small & contained) Jan '12 Radiation and Cisplatin, 6 doses. June '12 & Dec '12 clear Pet scan. April '13 Celebrating 1 year cancer free since treatment ended.

#149257 - 05/08/12 04:30 AM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Pandora99]
phrannie Offline
Contributing Member (25+ posts)

Registered: 05/07/12
Posts: 31
Loc: Montana
Either I'm lucky, or I'm unaffected....People don't know how to act, or what to say....they mean well, and to me motive is everything.

I have plenty of fear, but am thankful it only comes up to stare me in the face once in a while.......I simply don't want the added stress of anger, nor do I have the physical resources to deal with shine all the ignorance on...we aren't going to train them, nor change it's a moot endeavor.

Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma Stage III T1N2M0, diagnosed March, 2012...Treatments started April 24, 2012, finished 8/28/12.

#149261 - 05/08/12 12:07 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: phrannie]
Charm2017 Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 03/03/08
Posts: 3082
Loc: Alexandria VA

Edited by Charm2017 (05/08/12 12:09 PM)
Edit Reason: typos
65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin

Passed away 4-29-13

#149272 - 05/08/12 02:51 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Charm2017]
EricS Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 01/03/09
Posts: 1844
Loc: Idaho
...I swear Charm, I read your posts and laugh to myself as we think so much must've been a hell of an attorney smile
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.

#149273 - 05/08/12 02:58 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: EricS]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

#149288 - 05/08/12 10:13 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: KP5]
Ingrid K Offline
Senior Member (100+ posts)

Registered: 02/25/11
Posts: 117
Loc: Huntley, IL
Charm, Eric is right... you must have been a foreboding attorney. I would have wanted you on MY side, for sure, would not have wanted to be going up against you.
DX 12/6/10 of T3 SCC Tongue.
Surgery 1/3/11 was hemigloss & forearm free flap, midline mandibulectomy, Neck Disection-All nodes clear.
Ended rads 5/11/11. Taste buds back to about 80%. PEG removed 4/5/12, experimenting eating real food again. If I can do this, so can you !! Stay Strong.

#149318 - 05/09/12 11:47 AM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Charm2017]
John of arc Offline
Senior Member (100+ posts)

Registered: 02/18/12
Posts: 117
Loc: New York
when i came back to work from my partial tongue removal surgery and lymph node disection and a co-worker looked at me and said "well at least you're cured"
when i came back to work from a radiation treatment and said how tired i was and a co-worker looked at me and said "why are you tired? don't you just have to lay down?"
Taking a break from the forum for a while. Thank you so much for your support if you've been supportive.

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