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#100857 - 08/05/09 09:17 AM Don't you just hate it when...?
Charm2017 Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 03/03/08
Posts: 3082
Loc: Alexandria VA
Okay, first go to the general board and read my post entitled Isolation & Etiquette. Then add to this thread your "favorite" banal and trite remark that people say to you that just makes you feel worse. You know, those words that not only trivialize our experience but can also cause anger.
I am going to cheat and cut and paste from that post to get the ball rolling:

"Well, none of us knows what's going to happen. Any one of us could walk out the door in the morning and get hit by a bus."
"It will work out in the end"
"Everything is going to be just fine"
"I guess we should all really live like we're dying."

Or EricS's contribution:"oh you are such a strong person" or want the scoop and pointedly ask.."how are you feeling" with pity oozing from their tone.

Share with us the inane things you have been told so we can all laugh knowingly together about this

Charm


_________________________
65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin

Passed away 4-29-13

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#100863 - 08/05/09 12:21 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Charm2017]
EzJim Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 06/12/07
Posts: 5260
Loc: Mingo Jct., Ohio
We all seem to drool when we drink and can't help it and sometime with soft food we drool some too. When someone stares, I like to say I was raised with hogs and if youe ever saw a pig eat you saw them drool too.
_________________________
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here

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#100868 - 08/05/09 12:47 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: EzJim]
davidcpa Offline

Administrator, Senior Patient Advocate
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 09/28/06
Posts: 8309
Loc: Gulfport, Florida
When they give you an EXACT appointment time (I mean like 11:15) and you arrive EXACTLY on time only to wait more than a hour for his holiness to see you.

When you finally do get to see his holiness you realize you just waited at a traffic light getting there longer than he talked to you.

When you realize after wasting all this time and you're on your way home that you forgot to ask the single most important question that you needed the answer to.

When you go to get a prescription filled and the lady in the window says "that will be twenty seven fifty" and you hand her $40,00 thinking that's reasonable only to hear her reply "no I mean $2750.00"!!
_________________________
David

Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 14, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.

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#100881 - 08/05/09 03:27 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: davidcpa]
Sophie H. Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/15/07
Posts: 203
Loc: Maryland
"Now that your husband has cancer and is home all the time, it must be nice to spend so much family time together."
_________________________
Sophie T.

CG to husband: SCC Stage 4, T4, N1, M0; non-smoker and very light social drinker; HPV+
induction chemo begun 7/07; chemo/radiation ended 10/10, first cat scan clear; scan on 5/9/08 clear, scan on 10/08 clear; scan 1/09 clear; scan 1/10 clear

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#100882 - 08/05/09 04:15 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Sophie H.]
AmyK Offline
Senior Member (100+ posts)

Registered: 09/30/08
Posts: 130
Loc: Florida
"If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know." I want to scream back, "yes there is, You can take this damn cancer away from me, how about that? You up for that one?"

I also had one idiot ask me, while in treatment. If I was on Nutrasystem, since I had lost so much weight! I wasn't heavy to begin with 5'4" and about 130#s, when she saw me I was 95#'s. Who would want to look like that?
_________________________
40 yr old. Stage IV SCC found left tonsil. PET/CT shows cancer on base of tongue, floor of mouth, lymph nodes on both sides. HPV 16 pos. 6 weeks of cisplatin, 43 days of radiation. 73gy on each side.
ND March 2, 2009
reoccurance dx'd Aug 19, 2009

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#100889 - 08/05/09 06:30 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: AmyK]
EricS Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 01/03/09
Posts: 1844
Loc: Idaho
Advise from people who've NEVER HAD CANCER on how to cope or how I should feel or deal with others. If they understood how stupid they sounded I doubt they would open their mouth..or touch a keyboard. Still makes me want to kick the "expletive" out of them.
_________________________
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.

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#100890 - 08/05/09 06:31 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: EricS]
EricS Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 01/03/09
Posts: 1844
Loc: Idaho
Amy, you made me smile, thank you for sharing smile
_________________________
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.

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#100893 - 08/05/09 06:44 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: EricS]
Jenka Offline
Senior Member (100+ posts)

Registered: 03/15/09
Posts: 109
Loc: New York city
Hey, at least you lost weight and look great!
_________________________
38 yo@dx, female, non-smoker, non-drinker, SCC right lateral tongue. T2N2aMx stage IVa; 1/20/09 bilateral neck dissection, hemiglossectomy, micromets in 2 right nodes, left all clear. 33xIMRT + 3 cisplatins. Tx completed 5/08/09. PET scan 7/29/09 clear, 5/26/10 clear, chest x-ray 5/23/11 clear

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#100895 - 08/05/09 07:13 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Jenka]
Markus Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 05/01/07
Posts: 666
Loc: Atlanta
Granted some of that stuff is just idiotic, however....
a part of this may come form the inability of people to understand and deal with cancer as well as the desire to say something "positive".
Also some of that stuff some of us might have uttered BC.

M

David, what on earth did you pay 2750 for?
_________________________
Partial glossectomy (25%) anterior tongue. 4/6/07/. IMRT start @5/24/07 (3x) Erbitux start/end@ 5/24/07. IMRT wider field (30x) start 6/5/07. Weekly cisplatin (2x30mg/m2), then weekly carbo- (5x180mg/m2). End of Tx 19 July 07.

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#100896 - 08/05/09 07:50 PM Re: Don't you just hate it when...? [Re: Markus]
Pandora99 Offline
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 09/14/06
Posts: 1319
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada
There is one of those phrases that I turn around on people who ask "how are you" in such a pitying tone. I just say I'm fine, how are you, and "none of us really knows whats going to happen"!

That gives the person who was so pitying something to think about!

Donna
_________________________
Donna,60,SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV.New primary R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 10 yrs from 1st dx, 6 yrs since 2nd dx. Surviving isn't easy,but grateful for EVERY day.Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL! Cancer does not eliminate vanity - I would still rather be 59!

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