Hello,

I lost Norman two weeks ago to tongue cancer. My question is this-- if anyone else out their lost their loved one (I went to that thread but no one had posted in months), did you find you couldn't go to your job anymore because the associations were too painful? I'm thinking I need a complete change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Trisha, Im so sorry for your loss! May Norman rest in peace, free from pain and sickness.

Im sure you are not the only one who has dealt with those kinds of feelings. I cant imagine how difficult it would be to return to places that hold so many memories.

Ive heard from a few close friends who suddenly lost their husbands that bereavement counseling is a huge help. It might be something to check into, maybe you could give a couple visits a try?

Trisha,

I’m sorry that you lost Norman. When my husband passed away, I probably lived in shock for a while even thoough he had been in palliative care for a couple of months. I felt cut off from the world and what was going on around me. It was like I couldn’t understand or connect to the rest of the world. I was already seeing a therapist at that point but it didn’t make things any easier. It was hard to verbalize grief and many people don’t really understand. Two months after John’s death, I had people asking me if I had “got over” it. I really didn’t know what to say to them.

I would suggest that you stay put for the time being because you don’t really want to make any big changes to your life right now. I would, however, suggest that you give yourself some leeway — go out (with a friend or alone) when you feel you need a change of scene, do things for yourself that you were unable to do when Norman was ill, and make sure you go for walks and eat well. It will take some time but you will be fine at some point. It was round about the two-year mark that I came to the realization that I was feeling better. Half a year after John passed, I joined a community choir where I made new friends. At about the same time, I took up yoga. These activities help me to keep fit and to have some kind of social life. Take things slowly and, when you can, pamper yourself a bit. You deserve it.

Wishing you all the very best.