I am always at a loss of words when people ask "what is the prognosis" when I run into people that I haven't seen for awhile or even friends that ask. Is it just me or is this a very insensitive question. Would they realy want to hear (as in some cases) that it doesn't look good or in our case that we don't really know but are praying for a complete healing. Is there a good answer without appearing rude? I know it wouldn't be good to give very many specifics since word travels fast and things get so distorted. We already had that happen in that people heard he lost his voice completely and thankfully this is not true.

That's a tough one. I actually never had anyone ask me what my prognosis was but several people said things like, "but they caught it early so you'll be fine, right?" I never knew how to respond to that since "they" didn't catch it early and I had no idea if I would be fine or not. Maybe you could just say, "we are very hopeful that he will make a complete recovery," or "we have a great team of doctors working hard to make him well."

It is an incredibly insensitive question, and I have had it asked of me many times. You know that thing about "just ask me directly...don't talk behind my back" - well some people take that to the extreme. I always think that when they ask that they are trying to determine how THEY can help - what level of assistance you might need. As much as I hate the question, I do understand family and close friends asking.

For acquaintances, I replies like "none of us ever knows do we...and that's a good thing - heck, we don't even know that we'll get home safely today!". or "well my doctor said I'll die of this cancer, or I will die of something else". The later usually gets a chuckle and gets over this question without divulging any info.

I must admit when I hear someone talk about "well they have a great team of doctors and we are hopeful, etc, etc, I tend to read into that a poor prognosis". But, maybe that is just me.

Good luck.

Donna

I agree with pandora - family definitely has the right to know but people in general - just tell them No one knows...you don't even know if you'll get across the road safely today and drs may hazard a guess based on education, but no one can say for sure.

Take care.

Re how to handle "What is the prognosis?" I think that is a rude question to begin with, so why are we worried about not giving a rude answer? Probably because of all the really nice, compassionate people here, who hesitate to offend anyone even when others offend us. IMO I think it depends on who is asking and what their reasons may be. I agree that family or close friends deserve the truth. If it's someone connected with whether you get your job back, or the Social Security Disability people, words need to be chosen carefully. And I am so glad this question was brought up, because it will help anyone who may be presented with this question in the future to be well prepared with a great answer! I wish I had been better prepared when the SSD interviewer asked me, (with my son sitting next to me) "Is he terminal?" In comparison, "What is the prognosis" could be construed as expressing concern and wanting to help in some way.

I come from the opposite end of the spectrum and couldn't bear the "is he going to die?" question written all over people's faces. Instead of enduring their discomfort whilst they fished around asking questions that might be inoffensive but gave them no assistance as to where the playing field was, I preferred to address the elephant in the room directly.

Like this forum there are some that gravitate towards the support and others that go for bald facts. Some find the information too confronting and others feel empowered by it. I personally found it empowering most of the time but there were weeks when I just couldn't read some of the posts for fear of what I might discover.

My approach was the complete opposite to most other posters so far and whilst I appreciate that at least half (maybe more) the population would think this question rude, I was glad to hear the question which allowed me to answer just as directly.

I think the answer has to come down to how individuals feels about the question. If you think it rude, then a simple "we are in very good hands and hope for the best" should send a clear message to the insensitive souls such as myself that the line has been crossed and that a little less directness is in order.

For myself and Alex, I would let people off the hook with "do not concern yourself that you might upset us - there is nothing you can ask that we havent already considered ourselves. If you are prepared to hear the bad and the ugly, then ask anything you like".

The advantage of this approach was that people were given a realistic picture of what we were going through and this helped me at work as sudden brain snaps and uncharacteristic tears were immediately understood and catered to.

I think there are times when we are our own worst enemies with minimising the issues to the point where people cannot possibly understand as they are given sanitised information by the very people best able to educate them.

Although I must share with you the reaction of the "scaly mates" from the local hotel (hearts of gold every one of them!). They would greet Alex and I when we came back from the doctors with something inane like "lost a bit of weight mate" which at the time was the understatment of the year but acknowledged in their blokey way that they were paying attention. The second Alex went to the bathroom, one of them would lean over to me and say "so, how is he really?". Now for some this might be offensive, for me it made my heart brim that they cared enough to consider Alex but could see straight through his upbeat platitudes.

I guess I also have to think that people are only trying to express their concern, and don't really know how. I have a very good friend that always just says "I've been thinking of you." which really covers a lot. I believe that people care and want to say something. I was pretty upbeat before I had my surgery and my treatments, but it might have been because I was pretty clueless. My doctors all tried to prepare me, but I still had no idea what it would be like until I actually went through it. One man who is a member of our church, told my husband, "I am praying for Georgi, and I don't pray for everybody!". I loved that!

Reading this thread reminds me of another that you might like to look at.
It is now 43 pages long, started in 2009 and still active in 2012.
� Coping / Anger and Fear � Don't you just hate it when...?.�
It covers a lot of what we have heard from doctors, family and friends as patients and caregivers.

My standard answer is. " I am alive and happy and that is all even you can ask for." I will live thru this and longer.